We're All Going To Die

Eat five small meals per day and run. Also, eat only breakfast and dinner, and walk. Also, eat lots of protein and lift and don't even do any cardio; it's bad for your joints. Also, don't eat too much protein and make sure you're sleeping a lot. But don't be sedentary. But don't be too active; it's bad for your blood pressure. Make sure you replace all your lost salt, but never eat too much sodium. It's easy, just eat vegetables. Don't eat potatoes or corn though. Fruit is obviously good for you, and also it's all sugar and is bad for you. Sugar, I forgot to mention, is a vital source of quick burning carbohydrates that your brain needs to survive, and you should avoid it at all costs. Protein is hurting your kidneys. Make sure you eat a lot of it. Drink water. Never starve yourself unless you're calling it "intermittent fasting" and then it's okay to starve yourself a little bit. Don't over hydrate. Being vegan is obviously the healthiest lifestyle, and also no it's not. Fish is obviously super good for you, and it's full of mercury and killing you. Get some sun every day for Vitamin D and skin cancer.

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