Author: Mark Alexander

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Wayback Machine

Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose…

Why?

June 26, 2008

One question that’s gripped me in regards to the current situation in this country is a simple, “Why?”

Why are the Republicans and their supporters so hell bent on destroying the planet? Why are they hell bent on everlasting war in the Middle East? Why are they so obsessed with what everyone else does in their bedrooms, when their own desires are so often revealed to be festering cesspools of hypocrisy?

Why is McCain such a fucktard? I mean, seriously. Eight years ago he was someone who—while I did not like—I at least had a modicum of respect for. But now? The man can’t even present a consistent message from hour to hour, much less day to day. This is the best the Republicans can come up with? And for the love of all that is holy, why is this man following George Bush’s playbook when the smirking chimp is riding on a 23% approval rating that’s falling by the hour?

Why is the Republican Wingnut Brigade so vehemently attacking Barack Obama, a man who by all rights has done nothing but rekindled hope in this country, something that has been absent from our collective consciousness for nearly a decade? (Nevermind. I guess I answered my own question there.)

Why are so-called Christian leaders in this country acting in ways completely opposite the teachings of their savior, and why haven’t the true followers of those teachings risen up and denounced these screeching harpies for what they are? Why has “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself,” turned into “Hate everyone who doesn’t agree with you?”

The question of what causes men to do evil has perplexed philosophers for thousands of years, so I seriously doubt I’ll ever have any rational answer to any of these questions, or even an answer to what can be done to enlighten these poor souls who seem so wrapped up in their own darkness and destruction.

When I started upon my spiritual path nearly 30 years ago, one of my very first teachers told me, “Evil has no power over you. It is impotent. In order for it to flourish you must first give it permission.” It’s a lesson that’s stuck with me and has been perfectly illustrated during the last eight years as the people of this country have blithely handed the proverbial keys to the kingdom over to the forces of darkness.

Now the question is, how do we get those keys back?

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Wayback Machine

Dear George Lucas…

May 25, 2008

Please, for the love of all that is holy, let your successful twenty-five year old franchises die.

Yes, I’m talking about the abomination that is Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

After taking me out for an early birthday dinner at TexAZ, Marc and I saw that mess tonight, and afterward we both left the theater shaking our heads in disbelief.

It was bad enough when you went back and “improved,” tinkered with and fucked up the original STAR WARS. But then you gave us those three illegitimate bastards—the prequels—overloaded with bombastic special effects, plagued by poor writing and even poorer casting, you finally crossed the line. I mean seriously…Hayden Christensen? Midi-chlorians? What were you thinking?

And now you resurrect Indiana Jones—like something Mr. Jones himself would dig up in an ancient Mayan temple. Please, Mr. Lucas…let us live with our memories unmolested!

It was a much different world when you loosed Indy upon an unsuspecting public those many years ago. But in the intervening decades, the world has changed—dramatically, and the things that seemed so fresh and unique in 1981 have in 2008 already been rehashed and reinterpreted a dozen times over.

The car chase between our heroes and the Russians? Uh…excuse me, but you did almost that exact same thing with speeder bikes in Return of the Jedi. (Maybe it slipped your mind.) It was exciting then. Tonight I was looking at my watch. And what was up with the monkeys-as-Ewoks thing? Are you planning on marketing plush Indiana Jones© marmosets in time for Christmas?

Ancient space aliens and buried UFOs? Been there, done that. The X-Files movie, anyone?

Villains arriving with the sound of a revolver being cocked seconds after our protagonists finally find what they’re looking for? That dramatic effect is so far past it’s sell-by date that the carton is about to explode on the shelf.

Maybe I’m confused, but I thought the city of El Dorado was buried under Mount Rushmore. Oh wait, that was National Treasure: Book of Secrets. (At least Harrison Ford still has all his own hair—or at least a much better hairpiece than Nicholas Cage.)

And speaking of Harrison, exactly how much petroleum jelly did your camera man have to smear over the lens for those tight shots on Mr. Ford? I was reminded of Lucille Ball in Mame and that tended to distract my attention from what was happening on screen. Seriously.

One last question: was the wedding scene at the end of the film really necessary? You could’ve easily left our merry little group sitting on that mountain top and everything would have been well in the world. But nooo! Can’t you leave the continued story of the life and times of Indiana Jones up to the imaginations of your audience?

And lastly, don’t even think about continuing the story with a fresh face. When Mutt (Shia LeBeouf) was about to pick up Jones’ fedora at the end of the movie, the entire audience groaned. Thank the gods Indy snatched it away as he walked out.

Mr. Lucas, you’ve had a good life and have entertained billions of people. But it’s now time to step away from the movie business and enjoy a much-deserved retirement. PLEASE.

Sincerely,

Alexander the Moviegoer
Phoenix, AZ

P.S. Cate Blanchett really needs to work on that Russian accent. It faded in and out more than a bad cell phone signal.

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New Theme

As those of you who come here directly (vs. using a RSS reader) may have noticed, I’ve changed the visual theme that the blog uses. It has only recently come to my attention that you can no longer comment directly from the main pages, but instead have to open the individual posts. Sorry for the confusion. You’re still welcome to leave your thoughts…you just have to go through an extra click to do it.

An extra click? OMG, I know, right?

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If Only…

Just once, I’d like to open up my RSS reader and see this for realz. Imagine a day without anything stupid going on in the world; no war updates, no stupid religious bigotry, no rumors of Apple’s NEXT. BIG. THING., no pr0n resembling gymnastic competitions…

What an awesome day that would be!

I guess there’s always the option of just not opening the reader…

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Still Funny After All These Years

Another gem from my archive at the Wayback Machine:

The Pope and George Bush are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.

The President and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before, so to make it a little more interesting, the President says to the Pope, “Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every Republican in the crowd go wild?”

The Pope doubts it, so Bush shows him. Sure enough, the wave elicits rapture and cheering from every Republican in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering subsides.

The Pope, not wanting to be outdone by such a level of arrogance, considers what he could do. “That was impressive. But did you know that with just one little wave of MY hand I can make EVERY person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice.”

The President seriously doubts this, and says so. “One little wave of your hand and all people will rejoice forever? Show me.”

So the Pope slapped the shit out of him.

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Job Update

Still nothing, but I’m not worried. At least not yet.

I had a good interview about a week and a half ago. It wasn’t one of those magic, gives-you-chills, kismet interviews, but it was good. And yet, there was something that felt off.

I guess the interviewer must’ve felt it too, because I got word late last week that, “the client is moving forward with a couple other candidates.”

Oh well.

I was a perfect fit for what they were looking for, but apparently not perfect enough. And the kicker? I got a call from a different recruiter yesterday describing a job I’d be a perfect fit for and was ready to submit me…until it was revealed it was the exact same fucking position. Seriously?

That was followed up later in the afternoon by an emergency email from a different agency looking to hire about a half dozen techs for a post-PC rollout cleanup project for the next five days. No interview required, just show up at 7 am and start work. The money was good, and I thought what the hell…it would give me something to occupy my time while I’m waiting for “the next big thing.”

After everything was set up and confirmed, the recruiter called me to say the client had changed their mind and decided to do it all in-house.

Fuck.

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I Weep for Our Species

 globalmovement:

An intelligent human would ask the question, “Why are our governments completely ignoring the Japanese Nuclear Meltdown from the #fukashima reactor? The Tokyo Electric Power Company (Tepco) admitted enormous leaks of radioactive water are pouring into the Pacific Ocean. What is the worse is the water leakage everywhere else – not just from the tanks TEPCO is storing of radioactive water. It is leaking out from the basements, it is leaking out from the cracks all over the place into the groundwater. Nobody can measure that.
They are entering the oceans at levels that then will accumulate in seafood and will cause new health concerns. This is a disaster. The Japanese are asking for immediate help. No foreign bankers seem to care. They’re too interested in starting WWIII. Obama’s got no control of the White house. And millions of people have no idea of anything going on outside of TV Land. Those who act unreasonable get the government they deserve. People gotta come together with the wisdom out there if you expect to survive with goodness for all. Point blank. The end is always on its way. Life is finite. It is our duty to uphold the Universal Law, “The Will to do Good.”