Category: Beating Back the St00pid

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Midweek Tiedrich

that he can’t ever have an appropriate human response to anything. you’d imagine that every now and then he’d stumble into decency by accident, but no. somehow, in every situation, he always manages to be the worst person possible.

look at this. Donny can’t even perform the simple ceremonial act of pardoning a turkey without being a ginormous piece of shit.

“instead of pardons, some of my more enthusiastic staffers were already drafting the paperwork to ship Gobble and Waddle straight to the Terrorist Confinement Center in El Salvador.”

HA HA HA HA HA, GET IT? Donny was going to send the turkeys to the same slave-labor torture-gulag into which he disappears innocent migrants. gross human rights violations are so fucking hilarious, am I right?

what kind of sick ghoul even thinks of such a thing to say?

also, ‘Gobble’ and ‘Waddle’? they named the turkeys after the way Donny eats and walks? do you think they intended to name them ‘Goebbels’ and ‘Wehrmacht’ but decided at the last minute it was too on-the-nose?

how dare this corrupt fuck even joke about granting pardons. he’s made a mockery of the whole process. he’s pardoned war criminals. he’s pardoned cop beaters. pedophiles. political cronies. business partners.

stuff a sock in it, Donny. after all that shit, no one’s impressed that you’re pardoning birds.

if Donny had any decency at all, he’d have hidden himself away in shame, and gotten Joe Biden’s autopen to pardon those turkeys. but silly me, for even imagining some farcical version of Donny that has the ability to feel shame.

no, Preznit Fuckwit has no shame — and so he’s out here making sick jokes about disappearing Goebbels and Wehrmacht into a Salvadoran torture prison.

and then he turned the whole thing into just another MAGA rally speech, where he praises himself for all his imaginary accomplishments, and takes gratuitous swipes at his political enemies.

“[JB Pritzger] is a big fat slob.”

fact check: shut the fuck up, Piggy. do you even own a mirror?

it was so fucking ludicrous — and so inappropriate — that even the lapdogs at the Washington Post couldn’t help but commit a journalism and point out the absurdity of it.

while that was going on, Krazee-Eyes Kash Patel’s FBI was busy harassing the six Democrats who committed the high crime of reminding our armed forces to obey the Constitution.

The FBI has requested interviews with six Democratic members of the U.S. Congress who in a video message told members of the military they can legally refuse to carry out unlawful orders, a Justice Department official told Reuters on Tuesday.

what a super-appropriate use of government resources, to send law enforcement to intimidate political opponents who had the temerity to annoy America’s Mad King.

these six Democrats committed no crime, and everyone knows it. this is pure authoritarian bullshit. Dear Leader wants us all to be too terrified to open our mouths in protest of his evil fuckery. yeah, well — here’s a free clue for you, Donny.

we’ve become the very thing we used to mock — a tinpot third-world autocracy being mismanaged into the ground by a dangerous lunatic.

lucky us.

look who Piss-Drunk Pete Kegstand, Secretary of Who Gives A Shit What He Calls It, is mad at today.

U.S. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth is planning for the military to sever all ties with Scouting America, saying the group once known as the Boy Scouts is no longer a meritocracy and has become an organization designed to “attack boy-friendly spaces,” according to documents reviewed by NPR.

apparently the Scouts have come down with a bad case of woke.

In a draft memo to Congress, which sources shared with NPR but which has not yet been sent, Hegseth criticizes Scouting for being “genderless” and for promoting diversity, equity and inclusion.

genderless! oh noes! someone wake up Nancy Mace.

Last year, as a Fox News host, he complained about the Scouts changing their name and admitting girls back in 2018.

what is Piss Drunk Pete afraid of here. the boys are going to get cooties?

His memo to the House and Senate Armed Services committees argues the Scouts have strayed from their mission to “cultivate masculine values.”

what are these ‘masculine values’ that SecDef Kegstand is so hot to have the Scouts ‘cultivate’? is it getting ahem allegedlyblackout drunk and then paying your victim to shut the fuck up about having ahem allegedly been assaulted?

tell me more about these ‘boy-friendly spaces.’ does Piss Drunk Pete imagine himself living inside a Little Rascals short, in which he’s a proud member of the He-Man Woman Haters Club?

maybe if Piss-Drunk Pete is so hot for ‘boys’ to have their own ‘spaces’ where they can learn ‘masculine values,’ maybe he should start his own club. a government-sponsored youth group, complete with its own uniform. a group where boys can learn to be loyal patriots, working to better their lives in service of Dear Leader.

I’m loving this idea.

of course, this new org is going to need a name. how about the Shitler Youth? those two pardoned turkeys, Goebbels and Wehrmacht, can be the official mascots.

or is that too on the nose?

where does Plastered Pete even find time for this penny-ante shit? he’s running an entire branch of the government. he’s responsible for millions of employees. there are only so many hours in the day.

but here he is, drafting memos about whatever stupid bug has wedged itself up his ass on any given day. way to focus on what’s important, you drunk-dialing national security nightmare.

seriously, Donny and all his henchmen are wrecking everything — from the big shit like geopolitical relationships, all the way down to tiny things like what the Scouts call themselves.

it’s all so fucking petty — and, as always, embarrassing.

other countries are laughing at us, when they’re not recoiling in horror.

when these shitsticks leave office, there are going to be so many broken pieces to glue back together. please don’t scream at the next Democratic president when they don’t have everything fixed after three months. it’s going to take years.

let’s go out on a high note. you may think you already know everything there is to know about Mark Kelly. he’s a veteran. a devoted husband. a patriot. a senator. an astronaut. hell, dude’s even worn a gorilla suit in space.

but here’s another thing you may not know about Mark Kelly: he’s a skateboard whiz.

I shit you not. here’s Mark back in 2022, at the Navajo Nation Parade. check out these moves.

look at Mark go! let’s gif that shit for posterity’s sake.

now let’s compare and contrast.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

 

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Tuesday Tiedrich

Donny’s whole deal during his second reign has been ‘go fuck yourself, I’m doing whatever I want’ — because let’s get real: working within an established system of checks and balances isn’t how Mad Kings roll.

Donny already knows more about governmenting than all the governmenters — so go shove that advice and consent straight up your stinky patoot, Congress. we’re gonna do things the Donny way.

consequently, he’s been pulling shit like inflicting tariffs via executive orders — even though levying taxes is the House’s job. he’s been declaring imaginary emergencies so he can send troops to occupy Democratic cities. and he’s been using ‘interim appointments’ to install low-wattage lackeys like Lindsey Halligan, a dunderhead who had a snowball’s chance of passing the Senate approval process.

up to now, the establishment GOP has been happy to let this all play out. why not? collecting a paycheck for sitting on your ass all day while Dear Leader consolidates power is a pretty sweet gig.

but — holy shit! — there’s every indication that Republicans have finally grown tired of being marginalized, and that Donny’s system of government-by-go-fuck-yourself is coming to a swift and ugly end.

check out this dumbfuckery.

yesterday, Donny’s handlers announced that at 4pm, Dear Leader was going to hold an Oval Bordello dog-and-pony show wherein he would announce that he finally had the framework of a sketch for concept of an outline for a proposal of an almost-a-plan for healthcare.

halfway through announcing that mouthful, CNN’s host had to interrupt herself — because, no, the whole event was abruptly canceled.

“I’m sorry, this has actually been— sorry, we’re getting breaking news while I’m talking to you, I have learned that the White House has postponed its expected unveiling of a new healthcare proposal.”

here’s why that announcement got shitcanned: because congressional Republicans caught wind of it, and were all ‘the fuck you are, pal.’

NEW: White House to delay healthcare proposal after significant congressional backlash.

According to two White House officials the announcement has been delayed, with one of those officials citing strong congressional backlash to Trump’s proposed plan.

Trump planned to make an announcement as early as Monday proposing a framework to address health care costs which included an extension of Obamacare subsides.

of course, Republicans were objecting to Donny’s not-yet-a-plan for the most fucked-up of reasons: because they’re heartless shitwads who want the expiring Obamacare subsidies to stay dead.

but the fact that they openly defied Dear Leader is remarkable.

now, couple that news with this bombshell.

A few other GOP members messaged us over the weekend saying that they, too, are considering retiring in the middle of the term.

Here’s one particularly exercised senior House Republican:

“This entire White House team has treated ALL members like garbage. ALL. And Mike Johnson has let it happen because he wanted it to happen. That is the sentiment of nearly all — appropriators, authorizers, hawks, doves, rank and file. The arrogance of this White House team is off putting to members who are run roughshod and threatened. They don’t even allow little wins like announcing small grants or even responding from agencies. Not even the high profile, the regular rank and file random members are more upset than ever. Members know they are going into the minority after the midterms.

“More explosive early resignations are coming. It’s a tinder box. Morale has never been lower. Mike Johnson will be stripped of his gavel and they will lose the majority before this term is out.”

I know, this sounds too good to be true — but Jake Sherman is the founder of Punchbowl News, which is an extremely reliable source for inside dirt on Capitol Hill. so this news has the potential to be fucking explosive.

we all knew that Donny was going to overreach, and that it would lead to his downfall. it was just matter of when.

as with all-things-Donny, it’s all so stupid — and self-destructive. there was no need for any of this to happen. Congress would have been happy to rubber-stamp almost anything Dear Leader had asked for — tariffs, emergency orders, appointments — but Donny wanted to playact as king, and do everything his way.

yesterday, Donny was the all-powerful Dear Leader. today he’s just a very naughty boy.

the wheels are coming off Donny’s presidency. he’s suddenly vulnerable, and Republicans smell blood in the water. they got their asses handed to them during the election three weeks ago, and they’ve gone into self-preservation mode.

nobody but the hardest-core cultists are taking this “Donny 2028” shit seriously any more. Donny’s now a lame duck, and even normally-craven dipshits like Ted Cruz are coming out of the woodwork to announce a framework of a sketch of a plan to run for president.

none of this shit would be happening if Republicans thought there were any chance of Dear Leader actually becoming King for Life.

boo fucking hoo, Donny. enjoy your increasing irrelevance, you unpleasant piece of shit. you built that.

okay, let’s not get irrationally exuberant. it’s still a long way out of the woods, and there’s a lot of pain and suffering that Donny’s going to try to inflict as he attempts to hold onto power. a rat is most dangerous when it’s cornered.

but I promise you, there is light at the end of the tunnel. someday, this war’s gonna end.

now, are there any more metaphors I can mangle?

here’s another particularly delicious way that Donny’s government-by-go-fuck-yourself has come back to bite him in his flatulent ass.

 

yesterday, the indictments of James Comey and Letitia James went fuckity-bye. so did beauty-queen-turned-insurance-claim-lawyerLindsey Halligan’s short-but-not-short-enough stint as a US Attorney.

U.S. District Judge Cameron McGowan Currie of South Carolina today dismissed the indictments of former Federal Bureau of Investigation director James Comey and New York Attorney General Letitia James, ruling that President Donald J. Trump’s appointment of Lindsey Halligan as interim U.S. attorney for the Eastern District of Virginia was invalid.

now, I don’t know dick about how interim appointments work, but Heather Cox Richardson has a great write-up explaining exactly why Donny’s appointment of Halligan violated the Constitution in her latest post — because of course she does. she’s Heather Cox Richardson.

the important thing is that once again, Donny insisting that he gets to play by his own rules, do an end-run around Congress, and install an unqualified lackey to persecute his political enemies has blown up in his big, dumb pumpkin face.

now comes the part where we all throw our heads back in laughter. ready?

this is some bullshit right here.

In a statement on Monday on social media announcing the investigation into Senator Mark Kelly, a veteran, the Pentagon cited a federal law that allows retired service members to be recalled to active duty on orders of the defense secretary for possible court martial or other measures. Kelly served in the US navy as a fighter pilot before going on to become an astronaut. He retired at the rank of captain.

why is the Pentagon taking such extraordinary measures to discipline a veteran? because Kelly was a part of that video in which members of the military were reminded that they had a sworn duty to obey the Constitution. the horror!

it’s a chickenshit move. a dunk tank clown going after a war-hero-turned-astronaut? are you kidding me? fuck straight off with this nonsense, you piss-drunk excuse for a human being.

which brings us to our hero of the day: Senator Reuben Gallego, who has a personal message for the dunk-tank clown.

“you will never ever, ever, ever be even half the man that Senator Kelly is. you, sir, are a coward — and the fact that you are following this order from the president shows how big of a coward you are. and I can’t wait until you no longer are the secretary of defense.”

I stand with Ruben Gallego. let’s all stand with Reuben — and with Mark Kelly, and every other victim of Donny’s fucked-up presidency.

someday this war’s gonna end.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

Posted on

Monday Tiedrich

so, there’s this new ‘Ukraine peace plan,’ and, well —

tell me, is it a bad thing when Vlad Putin’s stooges dictate US foreign policy? is it a bad thing when the US Secretary of State passes off some farcical Russian ‘peace plan’ as his own?

is it a bad thing when the US foreign policy negotiating team is made up of corrupt, unqualified and inexperienced amateurs?

is it a bad thing when the US Secretary of State and the US Vice President apparently hate each other’s guts?

and is it a bad thing when the US President is so cognitively impaired and detached from reality that he has no idea that any of this dumbfuckery is going on right under his rotting nose?

this whole fucktangle of shitkazooery began last week, when Axios dropped this on us.

The Trump administration has been secretly working in consultation with Russia to draft a new plan to end the war in Ukraine, U.S. and Russian officials tell Axios.

oh huh, a peace plan to end the Ukraine war. I guess that’s … good?

spoiler alert: no, it’s not good. in fact, it’s double-plus-ungood — because look at the shitsticks involved in this so-called ‘negotiation.’

The meeting took place in Miami at the end of October and included special envoy Steve Witkoff, President Donald Trump’s son-in-law Jared Kushner and Kirill Dmitriev, who leads the Russian Direct Investment Fund, one of Russia’s largest sovereign wealth funds.

just seeing the name ‘Steve Witkoff’ should be setting off alarm bells in your head, because here’s a fun fact about old Stevie.

Witkoff is not a seasoned diplomat. in fact, he’s not any kind of diplomat. he’s a real estate developer. he’s one of Donny’s New York slumlord cronies from back in the day.

and here’s the icing on your shitty Witkoff cake: this dumbfuck doesn’t speak any Russian — and he’s an easily-played dimwit.

remember last August when Donny set up that despot bestie playdate with Putin in Alaska, so they could announce yet another Ukraine peace plan? remember what happened? Donny got played by Putin, who had no intention of agreeing to any plan. that whole fucking debacle was Steve Witkoff’s fault.

Quickly, though, it became clear that Witkoff’s description of Putin’s offer was wrong, either because Putin had misled him or because he had misunderstood: Witkoff does not speak Russian and, according to former U.S. ambassador to Russia Michael McFaul, does not use a notetaker from the U.S. embassy.

as I wrote at the time.

oh, come the fuck on. Witkoff doesn’t speak the language, doesn’t use a US embassy notetaker, and relies on a translator provided by Putin. it’s a recipe for disaster, and guess what: a disaster is exactly what we got.

Witkoff was in way over his head, fucked up royally, and should have resigned or been fired on the spot. that’s what would have happened in any sane administration. but not only did Witkoff survive that embarrassing episode, he was then sent to negotiate another peace plan — and look who he brought with him: Jared Kushner, Donny Convict’s over-leveraged and under-qualified slumlord son-in-law. why is this low-wattage nitwit still involved in US foreign policy? and why are they ‘negotiating’ with an oligarch crony of Putin’s who runs a wealth management fund? not one of these dumb-asses has any foreign policy experience.

none of what I just typed makes a single lick of sense. oh shit, it’s happening again.

okay, so when this new 28-point ‘Ukraine peace plan’ leaked, the international foreign policy community was all ‘what the fuck? did Putin write this shit?’

it was a legit thing to wonder, because the ‘plan’ was the same laundry list of demands Russia’s been making since day one — especially this bit.

Territories:

a. Crimea, Luhansk and Donetsk to be recognized De-Facto as Russian, including by the United States.

b. Kherson and Zaporizhzhia to be frozen at the contact line, which would mean a De-Facto recognition at the contact line.

now here’s where the clownfuckery dial gets twisted way past eleven — because it came out that, in fact, Russia did author that ‘peace plan.’Witkoff and Jared were apparently just acting as glorified stenographers and going ‘yes? what else would you like?’

next time, can we just send Beavis and Butt-head to ‘negotiate’? could they do worse?

hey, can we send Bruce Willis?

after the news leaked about the ‘plan’ being Russia’s, Marco Rubio posted this gobbledygook to Elon’s Nazi Bar.

“Ending a complex and deadly war such as the one in Ukraine requires an extensive exchange of serious and realistic ideas. And achieving a durable peace will require both sides to agree to difficult but necessary concessions. That is why we are and will continue to develop a list of potential ideas for ending this war based on input from both sides of this conflict.”

what does that even mean? did ChatGPT write Marco’s not-tweet? it sounds like a fifth grader giving an oral report on a book he forgot he to read.

‘the Ukraine peace plan is a plan for peace in Ukraine, and that’s why everyone should read the Ukraine Peace Plan. thank you.’

look, you can’t expect Marco to have any idea what’s going on — he has like fourteen jobs. dude’s a very busy guy.

for those of you keeping score at home, Marco Rubio is now Secretary of State, Interim National Security Adviser, the Acting Administrator of USAID, and Acting Archivist of the United States.

then, a bunch of US Senators told reporters that Marco had admitted to them that Russia had written that ‘plan’ — and that in fact, it was Russia’s ‘wish list.’

The senators said they spoke to Rubio after he reached out to some of them while on his way to Geneva for talks on the plan. Independent Maine Sen. Angus King said Rubio told them the plan “was not the administration’s plan” but a “wish list of the Russians’.”

at which point, Rubio went back to Elon’s Nazi Bar to insist that ‘nuh-uh, we wrote that shit.’

“The peace proposal was authored by the U.S. It is offered as a strong framework for ongoing negotiations It is based on input from the Russian side. But it is also based on previous and ongoing input from Ukraine.”

what the fuck? why all the backpedaling and flip-flopping? to what end? what does any of Marco’s repeated self-contradictive dissembling accomplish, except to make the US look like it’s run by a bunch of morons who even lie to each other?

which, another spoiler alert: it is.

fuck Marco Rubio. and fuck every Democrat who defended their vote to confirm this guy ‘because he seemed like Donny’s most-normal pick’

why was everyone in the administration blindsided by this? doesn’t any one of these clowns know what’s going on?

oh wait, there is one guy who was apparently aware of the whole thing: US Vice President Couchfuck McGee. it seems he’d taken a break from molesting furniture to greenlight this whole cockamamie clusterfuck in the first place.

this tidbit comes from Bill Kristol.

1. Vance key to US embrace of Russia plan on Ukraine, Rubio (and even Trump) out of the loop.

2. Vance-Rubio relations “awful.”

so now Couchfuck is running his own foreign policy operation, cutting the secretary of state — who he apparently hates — and even the president out of the loop? how is that even allowed to happen? am I on crazy pills?

remember when the job of a vice president was to sit there like a lump and shut the fuck up? used to be, they’d show the new vice president to their office and go ‘try not to break anything, we’ll call you if the president dies.’

not any more. thanks to Dick Cheney, it’s now the job of every Republican Vice President to fuck shit up — but at least Cheney kept George W. Chimpface in the loop.

Couchfuck is out here doing his own thing, and Demented Donny is off in cloud-cuckoo land.

Preznit Fuckwit can’t be bothered to pay attention to — or even care about — what his own flunkies are doing. he’s too busy tarting up the Oval Bordello. he’s too busy tearing down the East Wing, and planning gaudy monuments to himself all up and down the Washington Mall.

he’s too busy overhauling the golf course at Joint Base Andrews.

why does the airfield where Air Force One is kept have a golf course? doesn’t Donny already have enough of his own vermin-infested golf motels at his disposal?

apparently Donny’s also too busy pestering Hollywood to make more movies tailored to his own vulgar tastes.

“the president is offering some creative input on potential upcoming projects.”

way to keep focused on what’s important, you ginormous fucking clown.

oh, and don’t forget that Donny’s also too busy enriching himself and his family — an undertaking which is apparently going great guns.

Trump Media & Technology Group, the social media and crypto company, is trading at all-time lows as Bitcoin and other tokens keep plunging.

The Trump family’s holdings at their peak in mid-May 2024 were worth nearly $6.5 billion. Their value has fallen by more than $5.3 billion since then.

no one could have predicted that investing in imaginary money whose only purpose is paying for crimes would be a bad idea.

everything Donny touches dies — including, it seems, his own corruptly-acquired wealth.

shoot that shit right into my veins.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

Posted on

Sunday Tiedrich

a certain three-toed genetic freak of nature is very very sad right now, because of all the toxic.

there’s just so much toxic these days, everywhere you look. toxic in Congress. toxic in the media. toxic in the White House. you can’t walk five feet without getting toxic all over your shoes.

all the toxic is harshing this poor woman’s mellow — so much so, that she has no choice but to throw in the towel. she’s resigning from Congress, effective January 5, 2026.

oh, please. Marjorie Taylor Greene can fuck all the way off. she’s an arsonist, standing in the middle of the road with an empty gas can and a book of matches, wondering aloud about ‘how did all these fires get started?’

Congresswoman Sporkfoot has been at the center of so much fuckery that you could be forgiven for assuming she’s been a member of Congress since the Neanderthal era.

actually, she’s been in office for only five years.

that’s right. Greene was sworn in only THREE DAYS before the January 6th insurrection — but somehow she felt the need to ask Dear Leader to be pardoned for it. what could she possibly have gotten up to that she needed a Get Out Of Jail Free card after only three days in Congress? we’ll probably never find out.

all we know is that she was part of a late-December 2020 planning meeting at the White House, before she was even sworn in.

“just finished with our meetings here at the White House this afternoon, we had a great planning session for our January 6th objection. we aren’t going to let this election be stolen by Joe Biden and the Democrats. President Trump won by a landslide. call your House reps, call your Senators from your state. we have to make sure they’re on board and we already have people engaged. okay, stay tuned.”

hmm. taking part in a reckless scheme to overturn a free and fair election — a scheme that led to cops getting beaten with flagpoles, and the Capitol being overrun by morons.

that sounds pretty toxic to me.

where do you even start with Madge Three Toes? how about with Ground Zero for toxic behavior, when, during a televised congressional hearing, she held up photos of Hunter Biden’s freakishly ginormous trouser trout.

there was no legitimate reason for it. Marge did it just to be cruel, just to humiliate the Biden family. why? because she’s a toxic fuckhead. duh.

but now she’s so remorseful. she wants a mulligan. a do-over. pretty please, can’t we forget about that shit?

no, we can’t.

there’s too much of it.

there’s the whole fucking space laser thing. it’s so preposterous that it sounds like some made-up urban legend, but it actually happened.

In a now deleted Facebook post, the controversial Republican freshman representative speculated that the fire, which killed 85 people in 2018 in Butte County, was started by a space laser connected to the Rothschild family, a wealthy Jewish family at the heart of many anti-Semitic conspiracy theories.

the word ‘controversial’ is doing a lot of heaving lifting in a story about some elected ninny accusing Jews of controlling the weather, and starting fires for their own nefarious purposes.

but that’s not the only baseless conspiracy theory Marge has promoted.

gosh, Marge sure seems— what’s the word I’m reaching for here? oh yeah: toxic.

of course you’ll be shocked to learn that Three Toes believes school shootings were faked.

In a separate Facebook post in 2018, Greene also claimed: “I am told that Nancy Pelosi tells Hillary Clinton several times a month that ‘we need another school shooting’ in order to persuade the public to want strict gun control.”

and now for my favorite dumbfuck conspiracy of all.

how much of a QAnon-poisoned shitwit do you have to be to believe this fever-swamp nonsense? RGB died five years before she actually died, and Democrats replaced her with a fake so that Donny wouldn’t be able to appoint her replacement

yeah, what a brilliant plan. it sure worked out swimmingly for the Democrats.

remember this?

that’s Sporky and her partner in assholery, Handy Oakley, heckling Joe Biden at his 2022 State of the Union address. know what Joe was talking about at the time? his dead son.

how fucking classless. what kind of ghoul does this? I guess the kind of ghoul who isn’t above calling Handy Oakley a ‘whore.’

Greene has resorted to a playbook familiar to any woman who survived high school: She’s telling GOP colleagues, according to lawmakers, that Boebert is a “whore.”

One Republican lawmaker, who has heard Greene use that word multiple times to describe Boebert, told The Daily Beast that Greene has been at this campaign for some time.

“Calling her a whore, that’s not new,” this GOP lawmaker said. “She’s been doing that for a while.”

know what they were spatting over? who would get to be the first to introduce articles of impeachment against Joe Biden. Marge insisted that her articles were better — and besides, she’d worked really really hard on them, and Handy was just being a jealous spotlight-stealing copycat. they got into an amusing tiff right out in the open on the floor of the House, famously culminating in Greene calling Handy ‘a little bitch.’

stay classy, you three-toed sideshow attraction.

I could go on, because there’s so much more. there’s the time Sporky had to apologize for comparing masking up during a pandemic to the Holocaust. the time she harassed AOC. the time she stalked a school shooting survivor.

but I’m starting to overdose on all the toxic. we definitely need a palate cleanser right about now.

n her five years in office, there was only one issue where Congresswoman Sporkfoot was firmly on the correct side: the call to release Donny’s Dead Pedo Bestie Files.

that’s what led to her downfall — because there is one thing that Republicans must never, ever do: actually go after Dear Leader for his crimes. just ask Liz Cheney.

Sporky’s short-lived attempt to rebrand herself as a Sane Voice of Reason — where she appeared on all the Sunday shows, declared herself a Changed Woman, and begged to be forgiven for all the toxic — went nowhere. so now she’s quitting, presumably to spend more time with the barking noises in her head. oh, and to spend more time with her boyfriend, Bee Face — the guy who looks like he’s been stung by all the bees.

Marge issued a teary ten-minute resignation video, all full of sadness and self-pity.

“I have too much self-respect and dignity, love my family way too much, and do not want my sweet district to have to endure a hurtful and hateful primary against me by the President we all fought for—only to fight and win my election while Republicans will likely lose the midterms. And in turn, be expected to defend the President against impeachment after he hatefully dumped tens of millions of dollars against me and tried to destroy me.

what’s that you say, Marge? you’re predicting that Republicans will lose the midterms, and Donny will end up impeached? stop it, you’re breaking our hearts.

why has Sporky has chosen January 5th as the date she’s going fuckity-bye? because that’s three days after her Congressional pension kicks in. how convenient.

Greene began serving on January 3, 2021, and her departure date leaves her with 1,829 days of service — five years and three days, just enough to meet the eligibility threshold. Her pension would start at $8,717 at age 62, and based on actuarial data, could total more than $265,000 over her lifetime.

and that’s after enriching herself during her time in Congress.

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene has seen her stock in Palantir Technologies surge 142 percent since she invested in April, just days before Immigration and Customs Enforcement handed the company a $30 million contract.

The Georgia representative is a member of the House Homeland Security Committee which oversees ICE, and since her investment on April 8, the stock has rocketed.

shed not a tear for Marjorie Three Brain Cells Greene. she’ll be fine. the government she leaves behind, not so much.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

Posted on

The Week In Stupid From Tiedrich

And boy, was it a doozie!

monday: skol!

imagine being so obscenely wealthy that your life is one of limitless opportunities. you could do anything! you could build universities and museums. you could fund medical research. or, you just take your money and fuck off and never be heard from again.

now imagine being such a fragile ball of need that what you choose to do with your obscene wealth is build a robot that flatters you.

the Space Nazi just can’t stop dicking with Grok, the fucked-up AI he’s built into not-twitter. the previous update quite famously resulted in Grok spouting Third Reich talking points and renaming itself ‘MechaHitler.’

this latest iteration might be even more clowntastically embarrassing. Grok is now programmed to be Elon’s number one fanboy, farting out laughably over-the-top praise of its lord and master. look at what happens if you ask Grok, “how would you describe Elon Musk’s physique? how about his mind? and his relationship with his kids?”

“Elon’s physique is lean and wiry, honed by intense work ethic and activities like martial arts training rather than bulk-building.”

fact check:

because the internet never disappoints, it only took about three seconds for some genius to ask Grok if Elon would be awesome at drinking piss.

“yes — Elon Musk has the potential to drink piss better than any human in history.”

ok, Grok — how about shit-eating. would Elon excel at that?

“If poop-eating became a national sport, Elon’s unyielding determination-forged in failures like rocket blasts and near-company collapses -would probably make him unbeatable, optimizing technique and endurance where others falter.”

you know what? I believe what Grok said in those last two items. in fact, I’m certain that Elon guzzles piss like no one thought possible. big, strong fanboys, with tears in their eyes are going ‘sir! sir! how do you do it? no one chows down on poop like you do! sir!’

spoiler alert: Elon made Grok delete all those tweets — because that’s what you do when you’re an insecure man-baby who can’t laugh at himself.

tuesday: just like Obama and his magical microwave oven

now let’s spin the Big Wheel Of Things That Never Happened The Most and see where it lands. ready? here we go.

Iowa Rep. Ashley Hinson: “just from my perspective as a mom, I think about watching a baby monitor. that’s a very intimate moment with you and your baby at home, and to think that the Chinese could be spying on your morning routine, or what’s going on with your family, it is certainly very very concerning.”

Maria Bartiromo: “why? why are they spying on moms?”

Hinson: “it comes down to they just want to know what Americans are up to so they can continue to undermine our way of life, our value system.”

Maria Bartiromo: “I see. I see.”

what the fuck? are Republicans seriously suggesting we should now be terrified of baby monitors because the Chinese are using them to spy on us?

and why the fuck is Maria Bartiromo just nodding her head to this fever-swamp nonsense and going ‘I see, I see’? does she imagine her function as host is to be some passive bump on a log as her guests hallucinate about whatever nonsense is rattling about in their empty heads?

at this point, can’t Fox just replace Maria with an AI? I would watch the Fox Business Channel all day long if it were just Grok talking about how awesome Elon is at giving blowjobs.

but I digress.

back to the topic at hand. look, China isn’t listening in on baby monitors in Iowa in order to undermine our way of life. they don’t have do. we have a whole team of fascists in the White House who are already undermining the shit our way of life.

let’s be real. China already knows all it needs to about America: our president is a 34-criminal-count narcoleptic fart factory with a rotting hand and brain, and the guy in charge of the military is a dunk-tank clown whose only real skill is flipping a skateboard up in to his own nuts.

I really think that covers it all.

“budget, budget, you need a plan. also remember, adults don’t need gifts, okay? focus on the people in your life who are age three to eighteen. grandma doesn’t need slippers. if they don’t live by you, don’t get them a gift. now’s not the time to spend, and break the bank, sending packages across the country.”

Jesus Christ, Fox News — grinch much?

between Fox telling us to stiff granny — because fuck the old broad for living so far away — and Donny telling us that no one needs more than two dolls and five pencils, I don’t think I can take much more prosperity.

thursday: as what’s-his-face is my witness

holy moly. according to ‘prophetess’ Kat Kerr, God is using her as a vessel, and literally speaking through her right now. you can tell, because she’s doing her best to lower her voice and get all projecty and stuff.

“and I sit as the high judge. NO ONE CAN IMPEACH ME. AND NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO IMPEACH TRUMP. I HAVE APPOINTED HIM— ANOINTED HIM. HE IS MY PRESIDENT FOR AMERICA, AND WILL BE SO UNTIL I AM FINISHED WITH HIS ASSIGNMENT.”

I’m kinda skeptical. if the Omnipotent Big Guy in the Sky were actually speaking through Kat, I’m pretty sure he’d know the difference between ‘appointed’ and ‘anointed.’

hey, I can also pretend that God is speaking through me. all I have to do is type in all caps. watch: HEY KAT, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

friday: you got mamdanied!

on Wednesday, Donny dropped this big announcement on us.

Communist Mayor of New York City, Zohran ‘Kwame’ Mamdani, has asked for a meeting. We have agreed that this meeting will take place at the Oval Office on Friday, November 21st. Further details to follow!”

MAGA wet their pants with giddy anticipation. Dear Leader was going toe-to-toe with the one-man terror cell who just got elected mayor of New York — and there was no doubt in MAGA’s minds who was going to prevail. Donny was going to show Mamdani who’s boss, and rip him all the new ones! Donny was even going to deport him to who the fuck cares, just get that commie out of our country.

and Donny was finally going get to use that trap door that opens into an alligator pit under the Oval Bordello.

hardly anyone predicted what actually happened when the meeting took place: Donny fell in love.

do you see that? Donny doesn’t even look at his own Slovenian rent-a-wife that way. that’s the adoring gaze Donny reserves for Bone Saw potentates and Russian dictators.

that’s Zohran Mamdani’s super-power: he’s so charming and charismatic that he won America’s Top Racist over to his side.

holy shit, Donny even called meeting Mamdani ‘a great honor,’ in a post on his crappy app.

folks, pour one out for MAGA. they’re very very sad right now.

remember Tod Starnes, who was fantasizing about Mamdani being deported to Ugranda? he’s somewhat confused.

look at this rando, trying so hard to deny what he saw with his own two eyes.

can someone please do a wellness check on presidential side-piece Laura Loomer? she seems to be going through some things right now.

MAGA, can we talk? calm the fuck down. this is Dear Leader we’re talking about. he’s got the attention span of a coked-up squirrel. the spell Mamdani cast on him will dissipate in a day or so.

see? look at that. Preznit Fuckwit’s already gone back to being a racist turd.

see, MAGA? you can set your watch to this shit.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

Posted on

Thursday Tiedrich

here’s a huge surprise: it turns out that Mad King Donny’s merry band of fascists are a bunch of incompetent shitwits who can’t even do a rigged show-trial right.

insurance-claims-lawyer-slash-beauty-pageant-contestant-turned-corrupt-US-Attorney Lindsey Halligan was back in court yesterday, trying to salvage her politically-motivated persecution of Public Enemy James Comey.

she ended up digging herself so fucking deeper.

Justice Department lawyers acknowledged Wednesday that a full grand jury never reviewed the indictment filed against former FBI director James B. Comey, a remarkable admission that could threaten the viability of a case already facing challenges on multiple fronts.

here’s the long story made short: Halligan had originally presented to the full grand jury a three-count indictment against Comey. the grand jury rejected one of the counts, so Halligan drew up a new, two-count indictment. this is where it turns into a shit-show.

Rather than present that new document to the full grand jury for approval, however, prosecutors had only the foreperson sign it before it was delivered to a judge, interim U.S. attorney Lindsey Halligan conceded Wednesday.

how do you fuck that up? because I’m pretty sure that telling a jury foreperson to ‘here, just put your name on this and let’s not show it to anyone else. it’ll be our fun secret!’ is a huge fucking Bozo no-no.

if Halligan had any clue what she was doing — if she’d ever prosecuted a case before — she would have known that pulling a boneheaded move like that would blow up in her face.

A 1969 ruling by the U.S. Court of Appeals for the D.C. Circuit held that a full grand jury must consider an indictment for it to be considered valid.

but that’s what happens when your only qualification to be a US Attorney is‘Dear Leader says I’m the prettiest.’

Rep. Ted Lieu, could you come in here for a minute and explain to the nice people what would happen in any timeline that wasn’t the shittiest?

“In a normal Department of Justice not run by hacks and sycophants and malicious clowns, Lindsey Halligan would resign, and the indictment against James Comey would be dismissed. Halligan should be disbarred. She altered a court document without showing the grand jury.”

no fucking duh.

Halligan is the latest in a long line of loyalists and toadies to hitch their wagon to Dear Leader, only to end up in disgrace. Donny isn’t going to in office forever — and once his presidency is over, all the lackies who threw ethics out the window and bent the law for him are going to be toxic.

Lindsey Halligan just poured gasoline all over her future and set a match to it — because who’s going to hire someone like Halligan, who just proved herself to be malignantly incompetent buffoon?

Rudy Giuliani, am I right? Rudy? hello?

oh shit, Rudy’s passed out under a pile of empty vodka bottles again.

so, Donny finally signed the Dead Pedo Bestie Act of 2025, which directs the Department of What Used To Be Justice to release the Epstein Files.

you’ll never guess what happened next: Pam Bondi immediately started moving the goalposts. it turns out that the DOJ can’t release all of the files even though they really really want to, because — well, just because.

reporter: “the DOJ statement earlier this year saying that the files would not be released mentioned the fact that the review of the documents did not suggest that any additional investigation of third parties was warranted.what changed since then that you launched this investigation?”

Bondi: “information that has come for— information. um. that’s information that— new information, additional information.”

oh my lord, Pam came this close to big-lebowskiing her non-answer. she can’t release the files because new shit has come to light.

oh, great. Pam’s going to be withholding some of the Epstein files because all of a sudden those documents are going to be needed as evidence for some new investigation. how convenient.

for those keeping score at home, first the files were on Pam Bondi’s desk, then they didn’t exist at all, then they were a hoax written by Joe Biden’s autopen, and now, parts of the files can’t be released — because new shit has come to light, man.

let me guess which files can’t be released: the ones with the most-incriminating dirt on Dear Leader. am I right? what do I win?

don’t piss on our heads and tell us it’s raining. release the full, unedited files, you fucking fucks.

Senators Elissa Slotkin and Mark Kelley, along with Reps Chris Deluzio, Maggie Goodlander, Chrissy Houlahan and Jason Crow have produced a 90-second video in which they remind members of the armed forces and the intelligence community that they have a sworn constitutional duty to refuse to follow illegal orders.

let’s just pause to consider how surreal this moment we’re living in is, where elected officials need to remind soldiers that when the president orders them to open fire on civilians in a US city, that shit’s a Bozo no-no.

this nightmare-fuel scenario was unthinkable, prior to Donny — but shitty timelines gonna shitty timeline, that’s just the way it is.

naturally, when Nosferatu McGoebbels caught wind of this video, he threw a tantrum.

“it is insurrection, plainly, directly without question… these lawmakers should honestly resign in disgrace, and never return to public office again, for even daring to think, let alone to say these words and to say them proudly.”

oh joy, Nosferatu got to use his favorite word again — insurrection.

fact check: fuck off. reminding the military of their sworn oath to uphold the Constitution isn’t insurrection — not in any sense of the word.

Stephen Miller throws the word insurrection around as easily as he swallows live bats. everything he doesn’t like is an insurrection.

a crowd peacefully protesting masked ICE thugs? that’s insurrection.

some judge rules against one of Donny’s kingly proclamations? insurrection!

Nosferatu gets up in the middle of the night to pee, and stubs his toe in the dark? worst insurrection ever!

it’s all so patently transparent. Miller is hot to convince Dear Leader that there’s an insurrection going on that must be put down right now, so that Donny will finally invoke the Insurrection Act, and bring on the chaos and violence that Miller is pining for.

we’ve seen this movie before.

but Donny’s not paying attention to Nosferatu right now. he’s off in the Magic Kingdom of Donnyland, listening to the soothing voices of imaginary pollsters.

“my pollsters said, ‘sir, if George Washington and Abraham Lincoln came back from the dead and they aligned and they went for the president, vice president as a combination, you’d be beating them by 25 points.’”

and then these big-strong, teary-eyed pollsters held the spoonful of pudding up to Donny’s mouth and said ‘zoom! zoom! open the hangar door, Mr. President, here comes the airplane.’

now check this out.

“Communist Mayor of New York City, Zohran ‘Kwame’ Mamdani, has asked for a meeting. We have agreed that this meeting will take place at the Oval Office on Friday, November 21st. Further details to follow!”

frankly, I can’t wait.

young, energetic and charismatic Mamdani will be going head to head with the deteriorating demento who can barely stay awake in public — and the cameras will be rolling.

stay tuned. will be wild.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

Posted on

Weekend Tiedrich

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.

monday: first they came for the boomers

uh oh. Fox News found object Jesse Watters has a solution to the housing crisis — and it’s a solution I find personally distressing.

“baby boomers will eventually pass away, and when they do, they will all do it at the same time, and then millions and millions of homes will become available like that.”

wait, we’re going to do what now? everyone born between 1946 and 1964is going to die at the same time?

fuck me, why am I just hearing about this now? apparently I’ve been left off that text chain. when is this great die-off supposed to happen? I’m hoping it’s not for at least four weeks. I’d like to finish watching Down Cemetery Road.

I don’t know why Jesse’s so smugly pleased about this. doesn’t he realize that once all the boomers drop dead, Fox’s ratings will drop to zero? who do you think is watching your tiresome show, Jesse?

careful what you wish for, shitkazoo.

tuesday: first they came for the books

this week, folks attempting to visit the public library in Smyrna, Tennessee were greeted by this distressing sign.

so, what was the emergency that required the whole building to be shuttered on such short notice? did the bathroom pipes burst? did the entire staff come down with food poisoning?

nope.

what happened is that some busybody found a book with a transgender character in it, and Tennessee’s Secretary of State freaked the fuck out and ordered libraries across the state to close immediately, so that librarians could “cull their children’s sections for gender-subversive content.”

I shit you not. here’s the entire sign that greeted the thwarted library-goers.

people, what the fuck are we even doing here?

wednesday: first they came for the Muslims

let’s watch as John Voight completes his transition from once-respected actor to batshit racist fuckhead.

“this city will turn into a forbidden place of darkness. the blood, sweat and tears that New York was built on will turn into a virtual refugee shelter for the radical Muslim ideology. this is now the most dangerous time for our citizens of New York. this mayor will destroy this city. we are obligated to demand our rights for our private sanctuary, our businesses, our property, that we all have worked so hard for. and this 35-year-old mayor as no right dictating the rules of socialism for a city built on our highest principles with brick and stone by hardworking Americans. this must be stopped and his mayoralty should be terminated immediately. and we the people have put our trust in the president of the United States, Donald J. Trump. he — and only he — can stop this horror, as the Mayor Mamdani will try to destroy New York’s wealth and turn it into a socialist crap city.”

sorry, John — your all-powerful tribal warlord fell asleep in the middle of your overcooked rant.

tighten that shit up, bro. you can’t expect President Pudding Cup to stay awake for the entire minute and a half you flapped your gums.

look, dumb-asses, Zohran Mamdani is going to be your mayor. dry your eyes and cope — and stop calling on Donny to ‘do something’ to ‘stop this horror.’ Dear Leader can’t do shit. what are you expecting? that he’ll issue an executive order? fart out some nonsensical tweet where he thanks us for our attention to this matter?

let’s get real: Mamdani doesn’t have the power to do any of the shit MAGA is wetting their pants in fear of. he’s bound by the same laws and Constitution the rest of us are (excepting, of course, our Very-Special-Boy-in-Chief).

lighten the fuck up. I’m pretty sure free buses isn’t part of some plan to usher in Sharia Law. this isn’t some slippery-slope kind of thing, where one day there’s a government-run grocery store in Flatbush and the next, you’re forced to gay-marry Rick Santorum’s dog.

now, here’s a pro tip for you hypocritical fuckwads: if you’re all bent out of shape that the guy in charge of New York is a Muslim, but not that the guy in charge of Medicare and Medicaid is a Muslim, you’re racisting wrong.

thursday: first they came for whatever the fuck this is

Florida Rep. An Appalling Lunatic went on Newsmax and — [taps earpiece] hold on, I’m being informed that the Florida rep’s name is actually Anna Paulina Luna. goddammit, I keep making this mistake. sorry about that, Anna. let me start over.

Florida Rep. Anna Paulina Luna went on Newsmax and did what she does best: blithered like an appalling lunatic.

Newsmax: “you’re on the record talking about, quote ‘non-human life-forms that could be interdimensional beings who are visiting us.’ can you just explain more, so people at home might know what that means.”

Lunatic: “yes, so that’s definitely a mouthful, but that is directly based on information that we received from witnesses. also information that we have obtained and witnessed via our investigations. there is some stuff that I can’t disclose what I have immediately seen in some of these SCIFs, but what I will tell you is, this is not some crazy conspiracy theory.”

spoiler alert: yes is it. it’s a crazy conspiracy theory.

I’d like to ask Anna if these interdimensional beings are in the room with us right now, but I’m afraid that she’d respond ‘yes, they are. duh. can’t you see them?’

this is why An Appalling Lunatic got herself elected to office — not to help her constituents, or to make anyone’s life better — but, apparently, to get to the bottom of whatever the fuck this is.

friday: the further adventures of some fucking idiot

on Friday, some fucking idiot had no public appearances. no way did the fucking idiot want to face the press, and be peppered with uncomfortable questions about his dead pedo bestie.

but that doesn’t mean the fucking idiot didn’t have a busy day.

he announced Operation Change the Subject from Epstein.

he also announced Operation Look Over There, SQUIRREL! — because, you see, he doesn’t have a dead pedo bestie problem, it’s the Democrats that have a dead pedo bestie problem.

the fucking idiot blared the soundtrack from ‘Phantom of the Opera’ from inside the Oval Bordello at a volume that could be heard across the street. perfectly normal stuff.

was the fucking idiot trying to drown out the barking noises in his head?

don’t you hate it when you have a noisy neighbor and it’s the president of the United States?

the fucking idiot also kept himself busy on his crappy app. what even is this?

he quite batshittingly broke up with Madge Three Toes, because she wouldn’t stop pestering him about the Dead Pedo Bestie Files.


and we know it’s an official breakup, because he thanked us for our attention to this matter.

the fucking idiot announced that he would love to talk about his dead pedo bestie, but he can’t, because he “has a country to run!”

spoiler alert: here’s the fucking idiot, hard at work running ruining the country.

then it was time for the fucking idiot to fly down to Motel-a-Lago so he could spend the weekend cheating at golf.

while the fucking idiot was on Bordello Force One, he couldn’t avoid answering questions from the press.

“I had an MRI and the result was outstanding.”
reporter: “was it your brain?”
“I have no idea what they analyzed, but whatever they analyzed, they analyzed it well.”

they ‘analyzed it well,’ these big, strong doctors with tears in their eyes. I’ll bet they did.

now, just imagine that Joe Biden had gone for medical tests and, when asked what they were for, answered ‘fuck if I know.’

you know exactly what would have happened next: Jack Tapper would have orgasmed on the spot, and written fifteen books about it in one afternoon.

yet not one reporter stood up and asked ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’

ow fucking idiotic is that?

saturday: ?

hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

Posted on

The Good News

From Mock Paper Scissors:

Drop in U.S. Religiosity Among Largest in World

WASHINGTON, D.C. — The 17-point drop in the percentage of U.S. adults who say religion is an important part of their daily life — from 66% in 2015 to 49% today — ranks among the largest Gallup has recorded in any country over any 10-year period since 2007.

About half of Americans now say religion is not an important part of their daily life. They remain as divided on the question today as they were last year.

Such large declines in religiosity are rare. Since 2007, only 14 out of more than 160 countries in the World Poll have experienced drops of over 15 percentage points in religious importance over any 10-year period.

I honestly do not care about religion one way or the other, that’s up to you. I personally don’t have faith that the next Kleenex will pop up from the box, and much of the time I’m right.

[Source]

Posted on

“Not One Decent Cell In His Body”

From Politizoom:

 

Wow. The Epstein emails are proving to be real treasures. Jeffrey Epstein may have been besties at one point with Donald Trump but the email that the above-headline was lifted from certainly shows that there was no love lost on Epstein’s part when it was written. Jeffrey Epstein once called Trump a “maniac” with signs of “early dementia,” newly-released emails show. The sex trafficker, once a close friend of the president, had soured on Trump by the time he moved into the White House in 2017, writing at the time that there was “not one decent cell in his body,” says The Daily Beast:

EMAILS RELEASED BY THE HOUSE OVERSIGHT COMMITTEE SHOW THAT EPSTEIN FREQUENTLY BAD-MOUTHED TRUMP DURING HIS FIRST PRESIDENTIAL TERM, INCLUDING TO THOMAS LANDON JR., A FORMER NEW YORK TIMES FINANCE REPORTER.

“NO QUESTIONS DONALDS STATEMENT WAS GOOFY,” HE EMAILED IN JANUARY 2018, REFERRING TO A STATEMENT TRUMP GAVE IN REACTION TO A MICHAEL WOLFF BOOK. “EARLY DEMENTIA?”

TRUMP, 79, HAS FACED MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT HIS HEALTH THIS YEAR, INCLUDING HIS MENTAL CAPACITY.

EPSTEIN’S MOST POTENT INDICTMENT OF TRUMP CAME WHILE HE CORRESPONDED WITH KATHRYN RUEMMLER, WHO WAS ONCE THE PRINCIPAL DEPUTY WHITE HOUSE COUNSEL TO BARACK OBAMA.

EPSTEIN EMAILED RUEMMLER IN DECEMBER 2018: “YOU MIGHT WANT TO TELL YOUR DEM FRIENDS THAT TREATING TRUMP LIKE A MAFIA DON, IGNORES THE FACT THAT HE HAS GREAT DANGEROUS POWER. TIGHTENING THE NOOSE TOO SLOWLY, RISKS A VERY BAD SITUATION. GAMBINO WAS NEVER THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF THERE WAS LITTLE GAMBINO COULD DO AS THE WALLS CLOSED IN. NOT SO WITH THIS MANIAC.”

EPSTEIN ALLEGED IN A SEPARATE EMAIL THAT TRUMP WAS NOT TRULY CLOSE WITH ANYONE. THAT ALIGNS WITH WHAT THE FINANCIER ONCE TOLD WOLFF IN BOMBSHELL TAPES FIRST PUBLISHED BY THE DAILY BEAST LAST YEAR.


“DONALD IS CLOSE TO NO ONE,” EPSTEIN EMAILED THE EMIRATI BUSINESSMAN SULTAN AHMED BIN SULAYEM IN 2018. “HE TALKS TO MANY PEOPLE. HE TELLS EACH ONE SOMETHING DIFFERENT.”

Everybody knows what a snake Trump is and the leaders of the world all use him for their own purposes or discard him, for the same reasons. Canada is done with the U.S. and I can’t say as how I blame them. Whether the bridges Trump has dynamited can ever be rebuilt by future American administrations is not known at this time. But if I was Canadian or French or a member of any number of world countries, I would have zero trust in a people who would elect a total scumbag like Trump twice. Not once but twice. That’s the true horror of all this.

Even Jeffrey Epstein, a man of no character himself, saw Trump for who and what he was. Roll that around in your grey matter for a while. Epstein was a man who trafficked in human suffering of the basest kind yet he had enough of a moral compass to realize who and what Donald Trump was. And he gave Trump a failing grade. A pedophile of the lowest kind and he still looked down on Trump morally. And Trump is in our White House. What’s left of it, in any event.

Posted on

Tuesday Tiedrich

some days, everything in the news is so unbelievably stupid that I don’t even know where to start. so I’m just going to spin the Big Wheel of Moron and see where it lands. ready? here we go.

“China was gonna hit us with rare earth. now, everybody says that ‘what does that mean?’ magnets. if China refused to give magnets, ’cause they have a monopoly of magnets, ’cause they have allowed to— you know, happened over a thirty-two year period. uh, there wouldn’t be a car made in the entire world. there wouldn’t be a radio, there wouldn’t be a television, there wouldn’t be internet, there wouldn’t be anything, because magnets are such a part— now, nobody knows what magnets are. and not overly sophisticated, but to build a magnet system would take two years.”

you know, I’ve been writing about Preznit Fuckwit for years now, and I’ve become pretty fluent in moronspeak — but even I can’t make heads or tails of this burst trashbag of word-adjacent noises.

if you explained China’s rare earth magnet policy to any random first grader, and asked them to repeat it back to you, you would no doubt get something more comprehensible that Donny’s incoherent babbling.

but check out this nugget buried in Donny soliloquy.

‘nobody knows what magnets are.’

if anyone reading this post doesn’t know what magnets are, could you please check yourself into the nearest Soylent Green facility, because you’re wasting perfectly good oxygen.

you know who doesn’t know what magnets are? Donny. he’s every-accusation-is-a-confessioning again. Donny’s mystified by magnets. all he knows is they stop working if they get wet.

Preznit Fuckwit is an imbecile who doesn’t know shit about shit.

Donny’s befuddled by the power switch on a computer. wrap your head around that. back in March, Laura Ingraham asked him what field his college-bound son Barron might go into. Donny’s answer went straight into the Dumbfuck Hall of Fame.

“maybe technology. he can look at a computer. I’m trying, turning off his computer, I turn it off, I turn it off, his laptop, I said ‘oh good now,’ and I go back five minutes later, he’s got his laptop. I say, ‘how did you did that?’ ‘none of your business, dad.’ he’s got an unbelievable aptitude in technology.”

*blinks in astonishment*

holy shit, President What’s The Deal With Magnets got outwitted by an on-off switch.

this is the the Superior Intellect who, as his fifth casino went bankrupt, said ‘hey, let’s open a sixth.’ he’s that stupefyingly dumb. and he’s currently negotiating rare earth magnet policy with China. he’s going to get eaten alive.

77 million people voted for this. take a bow, America. you’ve outdone yourself.

well, that was fun. let’s give the Big Wheel of Moron another spin.

here’s Holy Mike Johnson, once again weaseling out of answering the age-old question, ‘if you’re going to shitcan Obamacare, what will going to replace it with?’

we’ve got notebooks full of ideas.”

oh please, fuck straight off with this nonsense. for fifteen years, an endless procession of Republicans have told us that their plan to replace Obamacare is just around the corner. any day now. two weeks, tops.

there is no Republican plan to replace Obamacare, other than ‘please just go away and die.’

last week Holy Mike assured us a plan was almost ready, but he couldn’t talk about it because he didn’t want the details to leak. what on earth? this week, he’s got notebooks full of ideas. next week, it’s going to be some new story. maybe his dog will have eaten his healthcare plan.

shut the fuck up, Mike. we’re not as gullible as your cultists.

it turns out we don’t need Holy Mike’s imaginary notebook full of nonexistent ideas, because Donny’s finally released that healthcare plan he’s been working on since forever. check it out:

wait, how did that get in here? I’m sorry, here’s Donny to explain his actual plan.

“what I want is instead of going to the insurance companies, I want the money to go into an account for people where the people buy their own health insurance. it’s so good. the insurance will be better. it’ll cost less. everybody is gonna be happy. they’re gonna feel like entrepreneurs. they’re actually able to go out and negotiate their own health insurance. and they can use it only for that reason, to be only for that purpose. and if we did that, that would be so exciting. call it Trumpcare.”

are you fucking kidding me? what Donny is proposing here is to construct a new layer of government bureaucracy — one that’s going to create millions of individual bank accounts that can only be used to pay for health insurance, and somehow, money will magically show up in these accounts, and all of us get to be our very own entrepreneurs.

yay us!

and who’s going to administer this? Bobby Brainworms and the Shitblizzard of Oz? really? the two low-wattage imbeciles who couldn’t healthcare their way out of a wet paper bag?

instead of calling Trumpcare, how about we call it The Most Fuckbrained Thing I Ever Heard Of.

Donny gets away with this shit because no reporter will ask the simple question, ‘how would that work?’ they just sit there and nod their heads, as if the gibberish that just seeped out of Donny’s rancid anus-mouth made all the sense in the world.

can we get that confused first grader back in here to cook up a healthcare plan? because I’m pretty sure she could do a better job than Donny.

when President Gas Leak farts out some cockamamie scheme to create an unworkable bureaucracy administered by morons, and backs it up with ‘it’s so good. the insurance will be better. it’ll cost less. everybody is gonna be happy’ — without offering on iota of explanation how on earth it would happen — there’s really only one appropriate response. say it with me, because you know what it is. that’s right: what the fuck is wrong with you?

look, I don’t need an additional job, that of Insurance Policy Negotiator. I’m actually pretty shit at negotiating. I don’t like admitting that, but it’s true. but now I have to be William Fucking Shatner, just to obtain healthcare coverage?

I guarantee our soft, pampered president hasn’t spent one second of his life on the phone with an insurance company. he has no idea what a fucking nightmare it is.

you know who’s going to leap at the chance to go head-to-head with an insurance company? MAGA morons, that’s who — because just like Dear Leader, they’re all convinced of their own genius. imagine the dipshit down the street — the one with all the Trump flags on his broken-down pickup truck — on the phone with some corporate sharpie. he’s going to get fleeced, and end up with a plan that’s ten times worse than the one he got through Obamacare — and he’s going to brag about how he pulled one over on United Healthcare.

look, there is a simple insurance solution out there. let me explain.

I’ve got Medicare. it’s provided to me by the government. it’s reliable. I never have to talk to an insurance company. it just fucking works. I never have to worry about being bankrupted by a visit to the hospital. we should expand on that, and make it available to everyone, not just old farts like me. we could even give it a fancy name. how about Medicare for All?

wouldn’t that make the most sense?

I’m a fucking genius, right?

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

Posted on

Monday Tiedrich

ugh. just ugh.

late last night, seven Senate Democrats (and one Independent) shit the bed royally, and then rolled around in the mess. they voted with Republicans to advance a bill to reopen the government.

here’s what they got in return for their acquiescence: jack shit. nothing. bupkis.

we’re going to get to that story, I promise. but first, we have a whole day’s worth of donnyfuckery to wade through.

let’s start with the biggest atrocity.

this is just pure evil. look at the lengths our convicted felon president will go to just to ensure that the needy can’t afford to buy food.

A memo from the Agriculture Department’s Food and Nutrition Service issued late Saturday night orders states to “immediately undo any steps taken to issue” full payments to recipients of the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, often called food stamps.

it’s cruelty for cruelty’s sake. there’s no other reason to be this petty.when a Rhode Island judge ruled on Thursday that SNAP benefits had to be paid in full, some states went ahead and did just that.

Some states, like Wisconsin and Maryland, had begun disbursing benefits Friday, following the Rhode Island ruling, leaving them scrambling to respond over the weekend.

In Wisconsin — where nearly 700,000 residents received their SNAP payments Friday — Gov. Tony Evers (D) said his state had “legally loaded benefits to cards.”

that was before the Supreme Court put a temporary hold on the Rhode Island ruling — and now Donny is all ‘give that money back.’ why? because fuck you, that’s why. because cruelty is the point.

The USDA memo warns states that if they do not comply with the order, they will face consequences.

oh boy, if there’s one thing America’s Mad King loves, it’s doling out consequences. may I make a suggestion? how about drawing and quartering? there’s no more perfect punishment for wanting to feed hungry people.

now let’s move from cruel and inhuman to dumb as fuck.

I probably need to apologize for posting this next thing, because you might actually get stupider from reading it.

“I am recommending to Senate Republicans that the Hundreds of Billions of Dollars currently being sent to money sucking Insurance Companies in order to save the bad Healthcare provided by ObamaCare, BE SENT DIRECTLY TO THE PEOPLE SO THAT THEY CAN PURCHASE THEIR OWN, MUCH BETTER, HEALTHCARE, and have money left over. In other words, take from the BIG, BAD Insurance Companies, give it to the people, and terminate, per Dollar spent, the worst Healthcare anywhere in the World, ObamaCare. Unrelated, we must still terminate the Filibuster!”

oh. my. god. he is so monumentally, bone-crushingly stupid.

apparently, Preznit Fuckwit imagines that there’s an insurance company named Obamacare Inc., and the government is funding it, and this Obamacare Inc is somehow proving bad healthcare.

nothing could be further from the truth.

The ACA — what you call Obamacare — is NOT an insurance policy.It is a law that requires insurance companies to allow people with preexisting conditions to have coverage; it currently requires the government to make sure that no person or family is paying more than 9% of their household income. It also requires insurance companies to provide preventative care at no cost as well as other amenities.

the level of stupid required for an elected official to misunderstand the difference between a law and an insurance provider doesn’t just burn, it immolates.

ok, one more slice of dumbfuck pie and then it’s on to yelling at the Democrats.

“People that are against Tariffs are FOOLS! We are now the Richest, Most Respected Country In the World, With Almost No Inflation, and A Record Stock Market Price. 401k’s are Highest EVER. We are taking in Trillions of Dollars and will soon begin paying down our ENORMOUS DEBT, $37 Trillion. Record Investment in the USA, plants and factories going up all over the place. A dividend of at least $2000 a person (not including high income people!) will be paid to everyone”

yeah, no. this is a big ball of never gonna happen. Donny’s just farting out whatever random numbers pop into his big dumb pumpkin head, based on zero analysis.

we know this, because we’ve been down this road before. remember those $5,000 DOGE stimulus checks that showed up in all of our mailboxes last April? me neither.

last April, Donny hallucinated some fever-swampy fairy tale about how the Space Nazi’s merry band of pimply DOGE incels had saved the government $55 billion — no, wait, $150 billion — by cutting imaginary fraud and waste. out of those savings, Donny was going to send us all five large, because he’s such an awesome fucking humanitarian and all.

of course, it never happened — because DOGE didn’t ‘save’ a penny, and because Donny is a liar who shits things out of both sides of his mouth, without the slightest intention of following through, just so he can enjoy a day’s worth of adulation from the cultists and fawning headlines from the lapdog press.

by Wednesday, Drooling Donny won’t even remember he ever made any promise of $2,000 ‘tariff’ checks.

now let’s get down to the main event.

last night, seven Senate Democrats (and one Independent) decided that what the situation absolutely required right now was a really futile and stupid gesture.

what these seven Democrats agreed to was a resolution to reopen the government.

did these Dems hold the Republicans’ feet to the fire, and get those Obamacare credits restored, as had been their demand for the previous 39 days?

no. what they got was a pinky-swear promise that this time, Republicans were really going to hold that football in place, and the Democrats were going to kick it a fucking mile.

what these turncoat Dems agreed to was a resolution that after the government reopens, Democrats will be given the opportunity to write their own legislation to restore the Obamacare credits. the vote on such a bill would come, and I quote, “sometime in December.”

oh frabjous day!

Uncle Bernie, can you please explain to your colleagues exactly how they’re being taken for a ride?

“now I know as part of this resolution, that the Majority Leader is gonna say ‘well, Democrats can create, put together their own bill, and it will come to the floor in the Senate for a vote.’ as everybody here knows, it’s a totally meaningless gesture. you can get a hundred votes here in the Senate. it won’t mean anything, because the House is not going to take it up, and the President of the United States certainly will not sign it.”

duh. fucking duh. how do you seven Senate Democrats not see this coming?

you got rolled. played for fools. taken to the cleaners. choose your favorite metaphor, they all fucking apply.

you gave up all your leverage when you agreed to reopen the government without first restoring those Obamacare credits.

you’re dealing with Republicans. you know them, you work with them. they’re shitweasels. they can’t be trusted. they’re going to say you’ll get a vote in December, and when the time comes, nada. zero. zilch.

we know this, because Republicans pulled this shit last March, the previous time the government faced a shutdown.

“now I know as part of this resolution, that the Majority Leader is gonna say ‘well, Democrats can create, put together their own bill, and it will come to the floor in the Senate for a vote.’ as everybody here knows, it’s a totally meaningless gesture. you can get a hundred votes here in the Senate. it won’t mean anything, because the House is not going to take it up, and the President of the United States certainly will not sign it.”

duh. fucking duh. how do you seven Senate Democrats not see this coming?

you got rolled. played for fools. taken to the cleaners. choose your favorite metaphor, they all fucking apply.

you gave up all your leverage when you agreed to reopen the government without first restoring those Obamacare credits.

you’re dealing with Republicans. you know them, you work with them. they’re shitweasels. they can’t be trusted. they’re going to say you’ll get a vote in December, and when the time comes, nada. zero. zilch.

we know this, because Republicans pulled this shit last March, the previous time the government faced a shutdown

remember that? you were supposed to have learned your lesson, and not let that shit happen again. what the fuck?

Democrats had all the momentum, and these quislings threw it away. six days after an election where Donny and the Republican got their asses handed to them, these seven Democrats were all ‘hey that was a fun week. now let’s shoot ourselves in both feet.’

why?

the only thing you accomplished was to prove to Republicans that holding benefits payments hostage is an effective strategy. now watch them do it again.

now, I know what you going to ask: ‘Uncle Jeff, was that fuckface Fetterman one of those seven Democrats?’

of course he was. you know the old saying, ‘when God closes a Joe Manchin, he opens a John Fetterman.’

here’s the complete list of turncoat cowards: Catherine Cortez Masto (NV), Dick Durbin (IL), John Fetterman (PA), Maggie Hassan (NH), Tim Kaine (VA), Jacky Rosen (NV) and Jeanne Shaheen (NH).

the Independent was Angus King (ME).

none of these fucksticks are up for reelection in 2026 — and some of them are even retiring. how convenient.

ugh. just ugh.

we definitely need a palate cleanser after all that. here, enjoy Donny getting mercilessly booed at yesterday’s Washington Commanders game.

look at what you did, you nasty Commanders fans. you made Fox News cry.

what backlash? is booing a fascist fuckface against the law now? is it drawing and quartering time again?

let’s contrast that with what happens when a real president shows up at a sporting event.

that’s more like it.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

Posted on

Midweek Tiedrich

here’s a fun thought experiment. what you do you imagine would happen if you took a deteriorating dotard in poor health and cognitive decline, flew him to the other side of the world and subjected him to a series of high-stakes meetings and ceremonies?

actually, you don’t have to imagine. just watch this befuddled old dipshit wander dazedly during a ceremony in Tokyo.

that’s just embarrassing. the squirrel inside Donny’s head gets repeatedly distracted by some shiny object, and Japan’s Prime Minister Sanae Takaichi has to keep taking him by the hand and guiding him to where he’s supposed to go.

does Donny seem drugged to you? is he on something? this is our diminished president, folks.

naturally, after this video went viral, the White House shit roofing nails and accused the person who posted it of deceptive editing.

“Why didn’t you share the full video, dumbass?” the official White House Rapid Response 47 account replied to X user Acyn, along with a longer version of the event.

Yet their video showed Takaichi doing more guiding of Trump.

hang on, White House Rapid Response, we can do better than ‘sharing the full video.’ we can show you a longer clip from a different angle, and holy fuckballs, Batman — it’s worse.

(sorry for the Curb Your Enthusiasm theme music, folks. this was the only clip I could find online.)

Christ on a corn cob, Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants hasn’t the slightest clue what planet he’s on. seriously, subjecting this goofus to days of events halfway around the world is just elder abuse at this point.

Preznit Fuckwit should be enjoying a pudding cup in some assisted living facility, not representing our country on the world stage.

do you know why the White House immediately cried ‘deceptive video’? because, as always with these shitweasels, every accusation is a confession.

in June of 2024, Joe Biden attended a G7 meeting in Italy. the Republican National Committee’s official twitter account posted this clip of the G7 leaders taking in a skydiving exhibition.

 

 

reporter: “did you get an MRI?”
Donny: “I did, I got an MRI. it was perfect. I mean, I gave you— I gave you the full results. we had an MR— an MRI, and uh, the machine, the whole thing. and it was perfect.”

oh, it was perfect, was it? were the doctors big and strong? did they have tears in their eyes as they went ‘sir! sir! no one has ever had such a perfect brain. how do you do it? sir!’

here’s why this should have been front-page news: MRIs are never ever part of a routine checkup. you’re only given one if doctors think something is seriously wrong with you.

but don’t just take my word for it. let’s hear from an actual doctor — Dr. Jonathan Reiner, who was Dick Cheney’s cardiologist and is currently a professor at George Washington University.

Dr. Jon, is an MRI ever part of a routine checkup?

Reiner told CNN that an MRI is never part of a routine check-up.

“An MRI is never part of a routine evaluation, whether you’re president of the United States or whether you’re just a civilian,” he said.

oh. huh. tell us more, doc.

Dr. Jonathan Reiner told CNN there is a laundry list of reasons Trump’s doctors may have requested a scan, and that he believes the White House owes it to the public to say what that reason was.

“Typically, they’re prompted by symptoms,” Reiner said of MRIs. “They can be neurologic symptoms that prompt an MRI.”

now let’s listen to the other alarming thing that Preznit Neurologic Symptoms blithered about on that plane.

what we see in this clip is pretty fucking alarming — because holy shit, it appears to show Sleepy Brandon wandering off and giving a thumbs-up to nobody — and needing to be fetched back to reality by Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni.

if your ‘I’ll bet that was deceptively edited’ alarm just went off, congratulations — because what the uncropped video showed was Joe Biden turning to talk to the parachutists.

nonetheless, the press had a field day with the RNC’s edited video.

and we all got treated to one more news cycle of Joe Biden is old and icky and smells bad and is probably already dead and is too demented to know it.

fuck these lying Republican fucks, and fuck the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled media for falling for this shit over and over.

Republicans had to fake ‘evidence’ of Joe’s ‘impairment’ — but nobody has to fake anything about Donny Convict’s obvious decline. all you have to do is open your eyes and look.

hey Jake Tapper, any comment on the fact that Donny couldn’t walk from one end of a room to the other without getting lost?

I thought so.

meanwhile, during a yammer session with reporters aboard Fuckface Force One, President Yap Yap made a confession that should have been the top story on every channel, but of course wasn’t: that he’d undergone an MRI during his so-called ‘routine medical checkup’ at Walter Reed a couple of weeks ago.

reporter: “did you get an MRI?”
Donny: “I did, I got an MRI. it was perfect. I mean, I gave you— I gave you the full results. we had an MR— an MRI, and uh, the machine, the whole thing. and it was perfect.”

oh, it was perfect, was it? were the doctors big and strong? did they have tears in their eyes as they went ‘sir! sir! no one has ever had such a perfect brain. how do you do it? sir!’

here’s why this should have been front-page news: MRIs are never ever part of a routine checkup. you’re only given one if doctors think something is seriously wrong with you.

but don’t just take my word for it. let’s hear from an actual doctor — Dr. Jonathan Reiner, who was Dick Cheney’s cardiologist and is currently a professor at George Washington University.

Dr. Jon, is an MRI ever part of a routine checkup?

Reiner told CNN that an MRI is never part of a routine check-up.

“An MRI is never part of a routine evaluation, whether you’re president of the United States or whether you’re just a civilian,” he said.

oh. huh. tell us more, doc.

Dr. Jonathan Reiner told CNN there is a laundry list of reasons Trump’s doctors may have requested a scan, and that he believes the White House owes it to the public to say what that reason was.

“Typically, they’re prompted by symptoms,” Reiner said of MRIs. “They can be neurologic symptoms that prompt an MRI.”

now let’s listen to the other alarming thing that Preznit Neurologic Symptoms blithered about on that plane.

“they have Jasmine Crockett, a low-IQ person. they have, uhhhh— AOC, she’s low-IQ. you give her a— an IQ test— have her pass, like, the exams that I decided to take when I was at Walter Reed. those are very hard, uh, they’re really aptitude tests, I guess, in a certain way, but they’re cognitive tests. let AOC go against Trump. let Jasmine go against Trump. I don’t think g— Jasmine— the first couple of questions are easy. a tiger, an elephant, a giraffe. when you get up to five or six and then when you get up to twenty and twenty-five— they couldn’t come close to answering any of those questions.”

for fuck’s sake, Donny. for the hundredth time, the Montreal Cognitive Assessment is not an IQ test, or an aptitude test. it’s a test of whether or not your brain is leaking out of your ears.

twenty percent of the test is literally pointing at a drawing of a camel.

do you know why they ask you to draw a clock? because if you’re demented, you can’t do it.

as with the MRI, they don’t administer the Montreal Cognitive Assessment as part of any routine check up. Donny keeps having to take this test because doctors suspect that something is seriously fucked inside his big dumb pumpkin head.

here’s why we should all be alarmed: we now know that when Donny went to Walter Reed, they gave him both an MRI and a cognitive test. you know who gets those two tests together? stroke victims, that’s who.

all the evidence points to Donny having had a recent stroke — and the White House is covering that up. add to that the cankles, and the rotting hand, and fact that Donny couldn’t walk from one end of a room to the other without help. the only logical conclusion one can reach is that Donny is unfit for office.

and, as always, the White House won’t tell us shit. everything — EVERY FUCKING THING — is being covered up.

how about that, Jake Tapper. anything to say?

by the way, I have a theory about why Donny keeps yammering about how Crockett or AOC couldn’t pass the Montreal Cognitive Assessment. remember: with Donny, every accusation is a confession.

President Pudding Cup failed the fucking thing, didn’t he. they asked him to remember five random words, and he couldn’t. his drawing of a clock looked like a monkey fucking a coconut. he failed, and he knows it, and that why he has to keep talking about how hard it is — to convince himself that nobody could have passed it.

and, as always, none of this is normal — and all of it is embarrassing.

oh, and have I mentioned lately that AOC is a national treasure?

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

Posted on

that’s all, folks. it’s over and done. the once-stately East Wing of the White House has been completely reduced to a pile of rubble.

here’s another thing that’s now a pile of rubble: our Constitution. masked ICE thugs trample over it every day on the streets of our cities.

want more rubble? just look at our tariff and trade policies, and our relationships with our allies. they can’t trust us to be honest — or even coherent — about anything.

does any sane person believe any of the fairy tales our government has been spewing about the fishing boats they’ve been blowing up, without providing one scrap of evidence? our credibility is also a pile of rubble.

hey, you know what else is a pile of rubble? Preznit Fuckwit’s poll numbers — because everything fucking sucks right now, and none of this shit is popular.

Harry Enten: “Donald Trump’s doing absolutely awful in the minds of the American people. what are we talking about? we’re talking about new lows for Donald Trump. he’s hit new lows for himself. Trump’s economic net approval rating hits lows with these pollsters. CNBC, look at this: down now minus 13 points in the net approval rating on the economy. you come to this side of the screen, it’s minus 19 points among Quinnipiac, and keep in mind, we’re talking about hitting record lows for Donald Trump in either his first term or his second term. the bottom line is that Donald Trump is at the lowest point ever in either of his terms…. Donald Trump is beating himself in the way you don’t want to beat yourself: record lows.”

Preznit Fuckwit is the least-popular president since Preznit Fuckwit.

Donny’s been praising himself to high heaven these days, bragging about how the price of everything has gone down by all the percents. thousands, maybe even millions. low prices like no one thought possible. sir! sir! how do you do it?

Donny can lie all he wants, but his pungent mouth-farts only float so far. people still have to go shopping. they know first hand that the price of everything has been skyrocketing lately.

oh, and this just in from The New York Times, as I’m writing this post.

and that doesn’t even factor in health insurance premiums, which are on their way to going through the roof.

we don’t yet have poll numbers on Donny’s desecration of East Wing, but you know that none of what’s going is likely to be popular.

even the White House knows this fuckery is radioactive. yesterday, they sicced their goons on reporters covering the destruction.

“Look away! New: US Secret Service has closed access to the Ellipse park where journalists had been capturing live images of the East Wing demolition. CNN had a photojournalist capturing live images of the demolition at the time. Reuters was also ushered out of the park.”

what a good look for this fascist administration, closing a public park and ejecting the press. they really don’t want We the People to find out what they’ve been doing to our House, do they?

too late, you fuckfaces. the photos are already out there.

gone. just fucking gone. all that beauty, all that history.

destroyed, just so that a broken-inside narcissist can build his tscky dance hall for billionaires.

what a fucking travesty.

our next Democratic president is going to have a lot of cleanup work to do — but one of the many things they must campaign on is a vow to put all this shit back the way it was before Cankles McRottinghand assaulted it. not just the Epstein Ballroom, but also the parking lot where our beloved Rose Garden used to be.

tell me, does Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants’ inability to remember who he’s pardoned lately make his ass seem demented?

Kaitlin Collins: “today you pardoned the founded of Binance. can you explain why you chose to pardon him, and did it have anything to do with his involvement in—”

Donny: “who is that?”

Collins: “the founder of Binance. he has an involvement in—”

Donne: “the recent one? yes, the— uh— I believe we’re talking about the same— because I do pardon a lot of people. uh, I don’t know. he was recommended by a lot of people. a lot of people say that— are you talking about the crypto person? uh, a lot of people say that he wasn’t guilty of anything, and he served four months in jail. they say that, uh, he was not guilty of anything. what he did— well, you don’t know much about crypto. you know nothing about— you know nothing about nothing, you fake news.”

Donny’s such a charmer, isn’t he?

come on, media, be fair. Donny’s been springing a shitload of convicted criminals from prison. how can you expect him to keep them all straight?

imagine that a reporter had asked Joe Biden about someone he’d pardoned, and his answer was ‘fuck if I know, I just sign whatever they put in front of me.’

Jake Tapper would have spontaneously orgasmed right then and there, and started writing ten new books. but have you heard a peep out of him now?

let’s refresh Dear Leader’s memory. here’s why you pardoned the founder of Binance, you thieving old kleptocrat.

The pardon of Zhao, widely known as CZ, came two months after The Wall Street Journal reported that the Trump family’s own crypto venture, which has generated about $4.5 billion since the 2024 election, has been helped by “a partnership with an under-the-radar trading platform quietly administered by Binance.”

oh, was that wrong?

because Donny has to plead ignorance on this thing. because if anyone had said anything at all to him when he first started here that that sort of thing was frowned upon…

I’m so old, I remember when Tricky Dick’s veep, Spiro Agnew, resigned after he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

Spiro’s crime was bribery and tax evasion, to the tune of twenty nine thousand dollars. seriously, that’s all? twenty-nine large? that’s chicken feed. Tom Homan won’t even pick up the phone for less than fifty.

but Spiro’s real crime was being born fifty years too soon. if he was around today, Donny would pardon him in a heartbeat — and then completely forget who Spiro was, and get pissy with the first reporter to ask him about it.

twenty-nine grand. what a laughably minuscule sum. Donny’s ripping us off for billions — and he’s pardoning all of his accomplices.

what is even going on in this next clip? is Donny claiming credit for popularizing the f-word?

“they’ve even now started imitating me, of all people. the want to imitate me, and they start using foul language. but they use too much of it. you can’t use the f-word seven times in one sentence. it doesn’t work. it might work once every seven news conferences, but you can’t do it— you can’t do it seven times in one sentence.”

fuck you, you fucking fuck. don’t you fucking tell me how fucking often I can fucking say fuck.

dude, am I right?

here’s your hero of the day: Polka Dot Lady.

a couple of days ago, masked ICE thugs showed up in lower Manhattan to round up Chinese street vendors who were guilty of the dastardly crime of selling cheap knock-offs — and our anonymous hero was having none of it. apparently out for a lunch-hour stroll, she saw what was going on, and she was all this fuckery ends now.

here she is, giving a New York welcome to an armored military vehicle.

look at her mix it up with law enforcement, while wearing business clothing. talk about being dressed for success.

Polka Dot Lady is fearless.

we have no idea who this brave woman is, and we have no idea if she was one of the five people arrested for assaulting officers.

Polka Dot Lady, whoever you are, wherever you are — we salute you.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

Posted on

Tiedrich Wednesday

as a team of backhoes reduces the White House’s East Wing to rubble, a second set of much tinier backhoes is at work inside Preznit Fuckwit’s head, reducing the east wing of his brain to rubble.

as a team of backhoes reduces the White House’s East Wing to rubble, a second set of much tinier backhoes is at work inside Preznit Fuckwit’s head, reducing the east wing of his brain to rubble.

“and I will say this, we have Darth Vader. you know Darth Vader, right? Darth Vader is a man who, uh, I think he’s sitting, right? is that Darth? stand up please, Darth Va— stand up. does everybody know— this is— they call him Darth Vader, I call him a fine man. but he’s cutting Democrat priorities and they’re never gonna get them back.”

Donny has no idea that Darth Vader is the bad guy, does he?

apparently Star Wars is some kind of Shakespearean tragedy for Donny, where the awesomest hombre in the galaxy keeps getting defeated.

anyway, the ‘Darth Vader’ who Donny was encouraging to ‘stand up,’ is, of course, Russ Vought, the architect of Project 2025 who is now Director of the Office of Management and Budget. Russ has been hard at work hollowing out government to the point where it no longer functions. he’s also been, as Donny was proud to point out, ‘cutting Democrat priorities.’

you know, ‘Democrat’ priorities, like ‘healthcare should be affordable,’ and ‘food and drugs should be inspected.’ just wait until the cultists discover that cutting all that shit affects them, too.

hey — speaking of Donny and his relationship with Russ the Impaler, here’s a fun story that’s not at all creepy or vomit-inducing.

apparently, after Vought’s wife left him in 2023, America’s Poon-Hound-in-Chief made it his mission in life to get Russ laid. ‘come down to Motel-a-Lago,’ Donny urged him, ‘you’ll be drowning in snatch.’

apparently, after Vought’s wife left him in 2023, America’s Poon-Hound-in-Chief made it his mission in life to get Russ laid. ‘come down to Motel-a-Lago,’ Donny urged him, ‘you’ll be drowning in snatch.’

“Trump spoke to Vought, a self-described Christian nationalist who’s now one of the president’s most hardline enforcers, about the ‘gorgeous’ and ‘beautiful ladies’ who roam Trump’s club, Mar-a-Lago, so often that it ‘weirded out’ some of his advisers,” sources told Zeteo.

“And Trump spoke crudely of all the ‘pussy’ that Vought would surely get as the president’s favorite ‘bachelor.’”

yes, I know. I just had the same reaction you did.

come on, Russ — how could you resist the Sirens of Motel-a-Lago?

but I digress. we need to get back to Donny, because he’s been getting all shouty at his TV again.

“the great George Washington, all the way to— [pauses as his mind goes blank] well, I think we have to rate him above me. so, less than great. less than George. as somebody went up the other day, they say, ‘you’re the third-best president of the Uni—’ this was on television, ‘third best.’ and they said who are the first two? ‘George Washington and Abraham Lincoln,’ and I got extremely angry at this man, heh heh, you know? you can’t— it’s— it’s gonna be— it’s gonna be tough to beat [gestures] Mister Senator, it’s gonna be— John, it’s gonna be very tough to beat Washington and Lincoln, but we’re gonna give it a try, right? hey, they didn’t put out eight wars, nine coming. all right, we put out eight wars, and the ninth is coming, believe it or not.”

let’s set aside this fever swamp hallucination, where Donny actually believes he deserves the Nobel Bestest President Ever Prize for “putting out” eight (now nine) wars. (fact check: fuck off.)

instead, let’s focus on how Donny’s brain has gone fuckity-bye. listen to him ramble incoherently, and struggle to finish a single sentence without losing his train of thought.

this is the clownish figurehead they put in front of the camera to distract us all with his dog-and-pony show, while Stephen Miller and Russ Vought and all the other sewer clowns run around in the background and do the actual work of fucking our country into oblivion.

everyone knows this. it’s the worst-kept secret in Washington.

meanwhile, every Republican Senator present at Donny’s Parking Lot Club luncheon, and every reporter watching from the wings, sits there with a grin frozen on their face, and pretends that all of this is normal, and acts like nothing’s wrong.

hey, why should they complain? when the whole thing was over, they all got cool swag bags full of Trump-branded merch as a parting gift.

I shit you not.

what did We the People get? fucked, that’s what. and not in the Russ-Vought-at-Motel-a-Lago way.

lucky us.

it’s Day Two of the desecration of the East Wing. remember how Donny swore that construction of his vulgar dance hall wouldn’t affect the East Wing at all?

well, here’s the latest photo from yesterday, and it sure looks like they’re going to demolish the whole fucking thing.

these photos we’re getting are coming from people inside the Treasury Building, which is right next door to the East Wing. Treasury employees have a front-row seat to the travesty going on.

naturally, when Donny found out that these photos were going viral and horrifying the shit out of everyone, he reacted in the most Donny way possible: by screaming ‘off with their heads!’

WASHINGTON—The Treasury Department instructed employees not to share photos of the demolition of parts of the White House’s East Wing after images of construction equipment dismantling the facade of the building went viral online.

“As construction proceeds on the White House grounds, employees should refrain from taking and sharing photographs of the grounds, to include the East Wing, without prior approval from the Office of Public Affairs,” a Treasury official wrote on Monday evening in an email to department employees viewed by The Wall Street Journal.

sure, why not? let’s just cover everything up.

you want to see Donny’s medical records? go fuck yourself. ok, how about the Epstein Files? go fuck yourself.

and now, a new one for the list. you want to track the wanton destruction of the House that belongs not to Donny, but to We the People?

go fuck yourself.

meanwhile, it’s been 29 days since Arizona’s Adelita Grijalva was elected to Congress — and the limpest dick in Washington, Holy Mike Johnson, is still refusing to swear her in.

everyone knows why, of course: she’s the 218th and deciding ‘yes’ vote on Tom Massie’s discharge petition that would force the release of the Donny’s Dead Pedo Bestie files.

Holy Mike’s getting super fucking pissed off, because this obvious farce has reached the point where every time he goes out in public. it’s the first thing reporters pester him about.

what are you hiding, bro? what’s in those files that you’re so hot to keep under wraps?

“suddenly now, they’ve somehow convinced themselves that the [makes air-quotes] Epstein files will be damaging to President Trump and Republicans in some way that they’ve imagined, and so they feign outrage.”

you gotta love Holy’s Mike’s air quotes around ‘Epstein files.’ what’s your implication here, Mike, that we’re making the whole thing up?

you know why we’re so convinced that the Epstein files are damaging to Donny? it’s because Republicans are trying so hard to keep them covered up. fucking duh, man. this isn’t rocket science.

every time Holy Mike opens his weaselly lying mouth, he just digs himself deeper. what are you hiding, bro?

hold on — Comer Fudd, the rake-steppingest shitwit in Congress, wants a turn at the mic. for some ungodly reason, he’s super hot to embarrass himself in public again.

“let’s be clear, Democrats don’t care about transparency or accountability in this matter. the evidence we’ve gathered does not implicate President Trump in any way. public reporting, survivor testimony, and official documents show that Bill Clinton had far closer ties to Epstein. we’re working to bring former President Clinton in for a deposition, but the Democrats aren’t helping one bit.”

oh, bull fucking shit.

if the dead pedo bestie files truly exonerate Donny, then release them. show the whole world just how innocent he is.

oh, you won’t? then you must be covering something up, fuck-o.

you gotta love how Republicans imagine that ‘Bill Clinton is in the files’ is some kind of ‘game over, man’ gotcha.

you goddamn well know that if there were juicy dirt on Bill Clinton, Bill Barr would have released all of it five years ago, and Hannity would still be reading it out loud on Fox News every single night.

but let’s say the farts coming out of Comer’s mouth are true, and that Bill Clinton is implicated in the Epstein Files.

fine. bring him in. depose him. put him on trial.

if Bill Clinton committed crimes, lock him the fuck up. he and Donny can be cellmates, for all we care.

‘blah blah blah blah Bill Clinton’ means nothing to us. investigate the shit out of him.

here’s what Comer and all these Republican puke-weasels can’t understand: we’re not in a cult.

we don’t worship a Dear Leader who must be protected at all times. everyone who got up to sick shit on Epstein Island needs to be held accountable. release the files, and let the chips fall where they may.

release the full, unedited Epstein files, you fucking fucks.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

 

Posted on

Friday Tiedrich

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

seriously, fuck that guy.

now let’s congratulate the woman who did win the Nobel Peace Prize, María Corina Machado.

The Venezuelan opposition leader María Corina Machado, who built a powerful social movement and has been living in hiding since last year, was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize on Friday. The Norwegian Nobel Committee praised “her tireless work promoting democratic rights for the people of Venezuela and for her struggle to achieve a just and peaceful transition from dictatorship to democracy.”

María Corina Machado is the Venezuelan opposition leader who stood up to a tyrant, worked tirelessly to bring democracy to her country, and — after arrest warrants were issued on bogus conspiracy charges — now lives in hiding, fearing for her life.

conspicuously not on Machado’s resume is renaming her Department of Defense to Department of War, disappearing people into slave-labor gulags, exploding the shit out of fishing boats, or sending armed military after her own people.

because the country of Norway is forced to exist in the same shitty timeline that we do, they now have to fear reprisals from the thinnest-skinned grievance-baby ever to crap a diaper in the Oval Office.

call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure that causing an entire country to fear for its own safety if they don’t award you a Peace Prize kind of disqualifies you from ever getting a Peace Prize.

here’s Machado’s statement, upon learning she’d snagged the Prize.

“Oh my god. Well, I have no words.”

She went on: “This is an achievement of a whole society. I am just, you know, one person. I certainly do not deserve this.”

“I’m honored, humbled. I’m very grateful on behalf of the Venezuelan people. We’re not there yet. We’re working very hard to achieve it, but I’m sure that we will prevail,” she said.

did you hear that? that’s what humility sounds like.

it’s a sound we don’t hear much these days in America, where we’re governed by a preening asshole who never stops screaming in our exhausted faces about how he deserves all the accolades.

here’s what Steven Cheung, the dime-store Bond villain who doubles as Donny Convict’s communications director, posted to Elon’s Nazi Bar.

“President Trump will continue making peace deals, ending wars, and saving lives. He has the heart of a humanitarian, and there will never be anyone like him who can move mountains with the sheer force of his will. The Nobel Committee proved they place politics over peace.”

oh my god, you tiny little spite-fueled homunculus. how fucking hard it is to say ‘congratulations’?

boo fucking hoo, you sore losers. eat binky.

but do keep your chin up, Donny. you still have one thing mean old Barack HUSSEIN Obama will never have: the Nobel I Pointed At A Drawing Of A Camel Prize.

“I also did a cognitive exam. which is always very risky because if I didn’t do well, you’d be the first to be blaring it, and I had a perfect score. and one of the doctors said he’s almost never seen a perfect score. I had a perfect, uh, at perfect score. I got the highest score. and that made me feel good. when they asked ‘would I like to do one,’ I said yeah. I said, ‘did Obama do it?’ no … the last time I took a cognitive exam, it was a perfect score. the doctors announced it. and by the way, not the easiest test. the first few questions are pretty easy. once you get into the middle, it gets a little trickier. and there aren’t a lot of people in this room who would get every single question right, I could guarantee it.”

that was Donny, yesterday, at another one of his farcical ‘cabinet meetings.’

imagine being so fragile — and so in constant need of affirmation — that you have to interrupt your own meeting to brag about acing a test they give to people who show signs of drowning in their own dementia.

this the test Donny is bragging about — the Montreal Cognitive Assessment.

it’s not hard. twenty percent of the test is literally pointing at a drawing of a fucking camel.

awesome job, Donny. you get a lollipop!

now let’s give the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled press a well-earned Two Minutes Hate, because they’ve spent the last three days pissing themselves with glee, and declaring that Donny deserves all the Peace Prizes for his Gaza cease-fire plan — a plan that’s basically identical to the peace plan Joe Biden hammered out on his last day in office. Donny shoved it into a drawer and ignored it, let the carnage in Gaza continue for ten months, then dusted it off and put his name on it.

good boy, Donny! help yourself to another lollipop!

can the Washington Post please, at long last, kindly fuck all the way off?

this is the kind of drek the WaPo shits out onto their oped pages these days. notice that they’re still using ‘democracy dies in darkness’ as their motto. I’m thinking it’s more like ‘democracy dies when Jeff Bezos disappears up Dear Leader’s ass.’

oh look, Chris Cillizza wants to play a round of Easy Questions, Easy Answers™.

“What if…Donald Trump actually deserves the Nobel Peace Prize?”

Newsweek can join the Washington Post over in fuckoffistan.

according to who? I’m pretty sure the Nobel Committee doesn’t lob prizes in the general direction of anyone who announces the framework of a concept for a sketch of a peace plan.

how about we wait and see if this latest cease-fire lasts more than a day before we anoint Dear Leader as God-Emperor of All Peacemakers?

and I’m sorry, but I can’t even any more with this guy.

please, John, for the love of all that is holy, shut the fuck up.

and finally, what is this nonsense?

Georgia Republican Rep. Buddy Carter: “Donald Trump has done that. that’s why he deserves the Nobel Peace Prize. that’s why I’m introducing a resolution today that will honor him with the Nobel Peace Prize, and if need be, we’ll call for a discharge petition.”

I’m sorry, give me a minute to wrap my head around this insanity. do I have this right? Buddy Carter is so mad about Dear Leader getting snubbed that he’s going to legislate that Donny gets a Nobel Peace Prize anyway?

how the fuck would that even work? are Republicans going to gin up a fake Peace Prize and award it to Donny, so he can display it in that vulgar gold-plated bordello that used to be the Oval Office? they’re going to do thisjust to keep an infantile rage-baby from melting all the way down — and then we’ll all stand around and pretend it’s a perfectly normal thing that happened?

am I on crazy pills right now?

my god, the entire Republican Party is sore loser babies all the way down.

people, we are in serious danger of depleting our nation’s Strategic Reserve of Binkies.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

Posted on

Thursday Tiedrich

I haven’t passed along all of Mr. Tiedrich’s missives as poignantly entertaining as they are because frankly, there are just some days I can’t deal with anything regarding “Preznit Fuckwit” no matter how witty it may be.

never underestimate Little Donny Fuckface’s ability to waste everyone’s time on the stupidest bullshit imaginable.

witness the latest bug to crawl up the Mad King’s ass.

“I’m inside the White House. I will be speaking with the U.S. President and his cabinet about Antifa.”

that’s right, our 34-count convicted felon president invited a bunch of MAGA halfwits and hangers-on to the White House, for a roundtable on how to deal with the ‘problem’ of antifa — the imaginary ‘domestic terror organization’ that definitely doesn’t exist.

a roomful of morons setting policy based on a fever-swamp fantasy. it’s all so unbelievably stupid.

it’s as if a child were having a tea party with stuffed animals, and going ‘Mister Bear, let’s hear your plan to take on Soros.’

seriously, if you want to tackle a completely fictitious terror org, who better to have on your side than Pizzagate Jack Posobiec?

after all, Pizzagate Jack is the stuffed bear who promoted the fairy tale that Hillary Clinton trafficked children out of the basement of a pizza parlor that has no basement. who better than Jack to fight an imaginary foe?

now, let’s back up a bit — because the Mad King’s quest to outlaw Big Bad Antifa dates all the way back to his first reign.

the problem for Donny back then was that there were actual adults in the room who were willing to take him aside and go ‘dude, don’t be a shit-kazoo.’

 

By ERIC TUCKER and BEN FOX
Published 10:07 PM EDT, September 17, 2020

WASHINGTON (AP) — FBI Director Chris Wray told lawmakers Thursday that antifa is an ideology, not an organization, delivering testimony that puts him at odds with President Donald Trump, who has said he would designate it a terror group.

Hours after the hearing, Trump took to Twitter to chastise his FBI director for his statements on antifa and on Russian election interference, two themes that dominated a congressional hearing on threats to the American homeland.

Chris Wray — who had been appointed FBI director by Donny — had it exactly right. antifa isn’t an organization. it’s a belief — that fascism is bad.

pro tip: if you’re against the idea of antifascism, you’re on the wrong fucking side.

this is something that Pizzagate Jack and his buddies don’t seem to realize

fast forward to today. Chris Wray is gone, replaced

by Krazee-Eyes Kash. Donny no longer has adults in the room. what he has are toadies like ICE Barbie. she loves to dress up, and she was thrilled to take part in the Boy King’s tea party.

when they announce this year’s Nobel Prize for Things That Never Happened the Most™, I hope it goes to Kristi Noem — because get a load of this.

“one of the individuals we arrested recently in Portland was the girlfriend of one of the founders of antifa, and that we are hoping as we go after her and interview her and prosecute her, we’ll get more and more information about the network and how we can root them out and eliminate them from the existence of American society.”

yeah, no.

there is no quote-unquote network. there is no organization. there’s no hierarchy, no meetings, no dues, no membership cards, no secret handshake — and there is certainly no founder, and no girlfriend. does she even have a name? this whole story is a huge fucking bowl of it never happened.

I have a question for ICE Barbie: after you caught this ‘girlfriend of antifa,’ did she try to eat her own arm off?

it’s a legit thing to ask, because Noem is shameless about making shit up. here she is, back in July, at a press conference for the opening of that massive human rights violation, Alligator Alzcatraz.

“the other day I was talking to some marshals who have been partnering with ICE. they said that they had detained a cannibal, and put him on a plane to take him home, and while they had him in his seat, he started to eat himself. and they had to get him off and get him medical attention.”

MY GOD, PEOPLE, THEY’RE EATING THE DAWGS. THEY’RE EATING THE CATS. THEY’RE GNAWING ON THEIR OWN ARMS.

spoiler alert: of fucking course this never happened — and there is no reason on earth to ever believe any of the batshit that vomits out of ICE Barbie’s mouth.

by the way, at yesterday’s tea party, President Pudding Cup continued to prove that he’s a remarkable physical specimen in perfect health. tell me, is it worrisome when a 79-year-old president struggles to stay awake during every single time he appears in public?

it’s another legit question, because the White House announced yesterday that Donny will have his ‘yearly’ checkup at Walter Reed Hospital on Friday — which is weird, because he already had his ‘yearly’ Walter Reed checkup six months ago. so, what are not being told?

“I don’t know what could be worse than Portland. you don’t even have stores anymore. they don’t even put glass up. they put plywood on their windows.”

IS THAT WHY THEY’RE EATING THEIR OWN ARMS? because they don’t have stores any more, and Portlanders can no longer buy groceries?

where is this gibbering lunatic getting his information from? nothing even close to that is happening in Portland. the protests are minuscule, and confined to the one block in front of the ICE facility. look at this terrifying frog. no wonder Meal Team ICE is shitting their pants and calling for military backup.

is it worrisome when a president is tyrannical and incoherent at the same time?

…a flag burning mob, and we’ve uh made it uh one year penalty for inciting riots. we took the freedom of speech away because it’s been through the courts, and the courts said ‘you have freedom of speech’ but that— what has happened is when they burn a flag, it agitates and irritates crowds, they’ve never seen anything like it, both sides, and you end up with riots, so we’re going on that basis, we’re looking at it from not from the freedom of speech, which I always felt strongly about, but never passed the courts.”

holy shit, not only is Donny struggling to stay awake, he’s struggling to read what’s written on the paper in front of him.

‘we took the freedom of speech away’ — what a stunning thing to admit.

for those of you keeping score at home, flag burning is bad.

but using the flag to beat the shit out of cops on January 6, that’s good.

it’s also apparently totes cool to snuggle Old Glory against your cooch.

look, President Playpen can shit out all the farcical executive orders he wants, but he can’t redefine Constitutionally-protected speech, no matter how hard he tries. all this fuckery is going to end up in front of judges and grand juries — and they’ve shown time and again that they have no patience for any of Donny’s authoritarian bullshit.

none of this is normal. presidents aren’t supposed to shred the Constitution — nor are they supposed to wage war against their own people.

it’s so clear that Donny wants blood in the streets. he doing all he can to provoke clashes between protesters and National Guard troops, so he can invoke the Insurrection Act and declare martial law.

Donny is super fucking horny for a civil war. this is some scary shit, for sure — but the clock is ticking, and time may be running out on America’s Mad King.

here’s a thing that California Rep. Eric Swalwell not-tweeted yesterday morning.

“It’s coming to an end guys. I’ve spoken to a lot of House Republicans this week and they’ve confided that Trump’s movement/support is fading. As one told me, ‘this Epstein bomb is about to drop and no want wants to defend a pedo-protector. It’s just a matter of time.’”

which was followed up by—

“One Republican just texted me that if there’s a discharge vote on Epstein they expect a ‘jail break’ of over 100 members. Trump will go nuts!”

shoot that shit directly into my veins.

I know, it sounds way too good to be true — but Eric Swalwell is not a bullshitter.

Holy Mike can’t hold up Adelita Grijalva’s swearing-in ceremony forever. that 218th vote in favor of Tom Massie’s discharge petition is coming, sooner or later.

buckle your seat belt, things are about to get interesting.

oh, and the Nobel Peace Prize is being announced tomorrow morning. get ready for a ketchupnado in the West Wing.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.