Category: Because It’s True

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Friday Fuckery As Told By Jeff Tiedrich

you knew this was coming.

after Mad King Donny shitcanned the Commissioner of Labor Statistics for committing the treasonous crime of understanding how numbers work, it was only a matter of time before he announced that he had the actual job numbers — and they were great numbers. numbers like no one’s ever seen. maybe greatest numbers of all time.

yesterday was that day.

the Mad King excitedly dragged reporters into that vulgar bordello that used to be the Oval Office, held up a chart, and went see? see?

see what, exactly? Donny never explains.

this one chart really says it better than anything, if you look at this. this is great. but this chart is pretty amazing. right here. all new numbers.”

excuse me, Mr. President, but I have a question: what the fuck are you talking about?

seriously, does anyone have any idea what that chart is supposed to represent? we don’t know. the lettering is too tiny to read, and Donny never tells us. are those the number of times Donny’s mentioned in the Epstein Files?

what does the line in that chart signify? no one has the slightest clue. all we see is that it’s going up. up to where? to eleven?

break out the champagne, our roaring economy has finally gone all the way up to eleven.

are you wondering where that chart came from?

I hope you’re sitting down, because you’re going to be shocked when you learn that the numbers in that chart were ginned up, just to mollify the thinnest-skinned imbecile ever to load a diaper in the Oval Office.

Donny needed a compliant yes-man willing to fake some fairy-tale data, and oh boy, did he ever find one.

During an impromptu news conference, the president displayed charts from Stephen Moore, an economist at the conservative Heritage Foundation, that he said proved his economy was better than that of his predecessor, President Joseph R. Biden Jr.

oh look, it’s Stephen Moore, God’s Gift to Gibberish.

that’s just fucking great. Moore is one of these supply-side goons. he’s spent the last thirty years beating the drums for zero taxes for billionaires and the end of regulations. tell me, how has that economic hokus-pokus worked out for the rest of us?

seriously, though: Moore was purposely making happy-time charts for an Audience of One.

It just so happened that the Heritage Foundation economist had been crunching some census data, and he began assembling the figures into graphs that he knew would please the president.

“I showed him about five or six of these charts, and he was excited about the good news,” Mr. Moore said in an interview. “So he said let’s have an impromptu press conference.”

so that’s how we got the performative nonsense that played out in the Oval Office yesterday. some Heritage Foundation goofus went running to Donny to placate him with some made-up data, and Donny — who in no way understood what he was looking at — decided that the White House press pool had to get involved.

get in here, everyone — come see the line that goes all the way up.

Moore pretty much admitted that these ‘amazing’ new numbers were pulled straight from his ass.

Mr. Moore said his numbers were based on unpublished data from the Census Bureau, which means they are difficult to verify independently.

now let’s go live to the Heritage Foundation, where economists are busy crunching that ahem unpublished data.

tell me, is it a bad thing when a so-called quote-unquote economics expert doesn’t know the difference between ‘median’ and ‘medium’?

I really need to know, because here’s one of the charts that Donny and Supply Side Steve showed off to reporters.

let’s zoom in.

holy shit, it says ‘medium income,’ which is definitely not a thing — unless I’m unaware of the existence of ‘rare income’ and ‘well-done income.’

you can’t even google ‘medium income.’ when I tried, google assumed I had meant to type median, and displayed results for that.

how does an alleged economist not know this? this is who Donny has spoon-feeding imaginary good-news numbers to him. does it even matter that the charts make no sense? not at all, when the only goal is to please Dear Leader.

this is all so fucking embarrassing.

America is now an international laughingstock, because our president is such an unmanageable child that he has to be shielded from bad news.

you know who else had to be shielded from bad news because everyone was terrified of making him mad, don’t you? of course you do.

did you know that during the Donny’s first reign, there was a guy in the White House they called the Music Man? I shit you not.

According to a new book by former White House press secretary Stephanie Grisham, the “music man” was the only person who could manage Trump’s “terrifying” temper, playing hit songs from musicals to help calm him down.

This included the maudlin Cats ballad “Memory,” which finds an old, unloved feline pining for the days when she was young, beautiful, and adored.

this is our president: a colicky toddler who needs show tunes to keep him from stroking out. we really are living in the shittiest possible timeline.

but the current White House staff has one-upped the old one. they don’t need any Music Man to play syrupy show tunes, not this time around. the new plan is to coddle Dear Leader inside a impenetrable bubble of ignorance, by taking whatever steps are necessary to ensure that he never encounters a single piece of unpleasant news. if that includes ginning up nonsensical charts about how “medium income” is through the fucking roof, so be it.

and if keeping Donny happy includes letting him steal whatever he can get his greasy hands on, well, so be that, too. in that video clip at the top of this post, did you notice what Donny now proudly displays behind his desk?

oh look, it’s the Club World Cup Trophy that Preznit Grabbyhands stole. you remember that story: the head of FIFA brought the trophy to the White House to show it off, and Donny was all that’s mine now. the team that actually won that trophy had to make do with a cheap replica — because nobody wanted to make the Mad King madder.

we also had to allow Donny to steal the Declaration of Independence and hog it all for himself. there it is, on the wall behind that farcical ‘medium income’ chart.

have you noticed that every day, there’s more and more of that cheap gold-plated tat glued to every square inch of the Oval Office? look what he’s done to the fucking door.

hey Donny, I just got off the phone with the ghost of Liberace. he says to tone it the fuck down, you cheap hoodlum.

speaking of gaudy, here’s the most-recent photo of that abomination that they’re still calling the Rose Garden. the cement slab has now been festooned with patio tables.

why? who is supposed to be sitting in them?

but hang on, there’s something familiar about those umbrellas. they look pretty golf-motelly to me. wouldn’t you agree? wait a minute, I know where I’ve seen those umbrellas before. they’re exactly the same as the ones on the patio of Motel-a-Lago!

oh my god. fake charts, cheap golden tat, stolen treasures, and now a Rose Garden that’s a dime-store knockoff of his own dime-store golf motel.

he’s such a pathetic fucking child.

try not to laugh — or cry — at how embarrassing this all is. you don’t want to make the Mad King mad.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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The Key Phrase Being In Her Presence

turns out we can all rest easy, folks.

it seems that the sleazy convicted sex trafficker who used to hang out at the sleazy adjudicated sex offender’s sleazy golf motel in order to procure teenage girls for the sleazy adjudicated sex offender’s sleazy dead pedo bestie told the sleazy adjudicated sex offender’s sleazy personal lawyer that she never saw the sleazy adjudicated sex offender do anything wrong.

whew. I’m glad we finally got that settled.

during her nine hours speaking with Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche last month, Ghislaine Maxwell said nothing during the interview that would be harmful to President Donald Trump, telling Blanche that Trump had never done anything in her presence that would have caused concern, according to sources familiar with what Maxwell said.

oh, okay. Ghislaine never saw Donny do anything ‘concerning.’

well, that’s a fucktacular load off everyone’s minds, right? I mean, it’s not like the word ‘concerning’ can mean anything you want it to.

let me go out on a limb here and posit that if you see nothing wrong with befriending teenage girls so your ex-boyfriend can rape them, you might have a different definition of ‘concerning’ than most people.

on a scale of zero to Susan Collins, how concerned should we be about this?

The Trump administration, meanwhile, is considering publicly releasing the transcripts from the interview, multiple sources familiar with the internal discussions told ABC News.

oh well, cased closed, then. the transcripts will settle everything. I mean, everybody involved in this story is completely credible, right? it’s not like any of them have a history of lying their fucking faces off.

here’s a fun thing the Department of Justice said about Ghislaine Maxwell in 2022.

“Simply put, the defendant lies when it suits her.”

oh, is that wrong, lying under oath during a criminal trial?

because I gotta tell ya, Ghislaine Maxwell has to plead ignorance on this thing. because if anyone had said anything at all to her when she swore to tell the truth that that sort of thing was frowned upon…

as for Todd Blanche, it’s not like he hasn’t always been willing to pour gasoline all over his reputation and set it on fire, if Donny demands it. let’s relive one of my favorite moments from Donny’s Big Election Fraud Fuckery Trial.

Todd Blanche will be for the rest of his life known as the buffoon who stood up in court and tried to convince a judge that it was okay for his client to violate his gag order — because Michael Cohen called him Von ShitzInPantz.

Blanche proceeded to read that colorfully worded, offending post into the record as Trump sat listening at the defense table.

“This one says, oh my, ShitzInPantz,” Blanche recited as he entered a screenshot of the post into the court record as Exhibit 64 — without any objection from prosecutors.

The official court stenographer duly followed along, typing the phrase into the court record as “shits in pants.”

let’s see how that worked out for Todd.

“You’re losing all credibility with the court,” Merchan exasperatedly explained.

tell me — a defense lawyer lectured by a judge during a criminal trial about losing credibility, is that bad?

look, Donny and his minions can release all the interview transcripts they want. it won’t settle shit.

Ghislaine Maxwell — a convicted sex-trafficking sleazeball with a history of lying — has every reason in the world to continue to lie.

she’s already been rewarded for her efforts, having been moved from a maximum security prison to a cushy minimum-security prison camp — a move, by the way, that’s just going swimmingly for everyone.

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Midweek Elation From Jeff Tiedrich

Michelle Obama’s famous slogan, “when they go low, we go high” sounds really great on paper — but in a time of war, it’s a good way to get your head blown off.

and believe me, we are in a time of war — a war to preserve whatever scraps of democracy we still can, while there’s still a chance.

this isn’t the time for high-minded tut-tutting, or strongly-worded letters — which is why it’s so satisfying to watch New York Governor Kathy Hochul vow to go nuclear.

“I want to thank [Texas Democrats] so much for making this journey. you are on the right side of history — and you’re not alone. we are in solidarity with each and every one of you, and your colleagues in another state, hosted by my great friend JD Pritzker, welcome you as well. as I said, history will judge us on how we respond to this moment. but here in New York, we will no stand on the sidelines with the timid souls who don’t care, will not invest their heart and soul into this battle. this is a war. we are at war. and that’s why the gloves are off, and I say ‘bring it on.’”

Kathy Hochul understands the assignment, and she’s drawn a clear line in the sand: don’t fuck with us. if you gerrymander your state, we’ll gerrymander ours.

Hochul has embraced changing New York’s process since the fight over the Lone Star State maps escalated last month. Other Democrats have gone along as well: New York lawmakers introduced a state constitutional amendment last week that would let Democrats make mid-decade adjustments to their maps before the 2028 election cycle.

The redistricting effort she’s pushing in New York could open the door to a new set of maps that give Democrats an edge in 22 of the state’s 26 congressional districts by 2028. They won 19 of the 26 seats in 2024.

New York’s district maps are currently drawn by an independent commission, and Hochul is all that shit don’t fly no more.

reporter: “do you think, given the situation where we’ve had these court battles, that in this 2027 amendment that you may put forward that the independent redistricting commission should be disbanded, or changed in some way?”

Hochul: “yes. I’m tired with fighting this fight with my hands tied behind my back. with all due respect to the good government groups, politics is a political process. and to think we’re gonna do this with a purity test and make sure it’s completely fair to everybody involved. the reason we are able to draw the lines is because we’re Democrats and because the majority of state elected us to be leaders. and when we say that we cannot use that power to its fullest, then we’re abdicating the responsibility that we all have. Republicans take over the legislature, they can have at it — but until then, we’re in charge, and we’re sick and tired of being pushed around, when other states don’t have the same aspirations that we always have had — and I hold those dear. but I cannot ignore that that the playing field has changed, and shame on us if we ignore that fact, and cling tight to the vestiges of the past. that era is over. Donald Trump eliminated that forever.”

fuck yeah, Kathy Hochul. how long have you waited for those words to come out of the mouth of an elected Democrat?

that weird, unfamiliar feeling you’re experiencing right now is elation.

it sure feels good, doesn’t it, finally hearing a Democrat actually say that the playing field has changed, and the era of ‘oh, we’re Democrats, we’re above fighting back’ is over?

now get ready to overdose on elation, because Gavin Newsom is promising to redraw California’s map.

“these folks don’t play by the rules. if they can’t win under the current rules, they’ll just change them. that’s what Donald Trump has done. he’s dialing for seats—familiar behavior, since he dialed for votes in the last election. this is someone who tried to break this country, who tried to light democracy on fire on January 6th. he knows he’s going to lose in the midterms, and we have the opportunity to de facto end the Trump presidency in less than 18 months. that’s what’s at stake. that’s why we’re putting a stake in the ground. we’re not drawing lines just to draw lines — we’re holding the line: on democracy, on the rule of law, on co-equal branches of government, on popular sovereignty. that’s what this is about.”

they’re so chickenshit, these Republicans. they know that Donny’s policies fucking suck, and they know they’re going to get crushed in the 2026 elections and lose their majority in the House — so they’re going to do the only thing they know how to do: cheat.

finally, at long last, Democratic Governors are rousing from their slumbers and actually doing something to preserve democracy, before it’s too late.

thank you, Kathy Hochul and Gavin Newsom — and JB Pritzker, too.

thank you to every Democratic governor currently contemplating redrawing their electoral maps, for finally figuring it the fuck out:

this is a war.

you’ll never guess how Republicans reacted to getting a taste of their own medicine. they fell all the fuck to pieces and started whining about how unfair Democrats are.

“it is unconstitutional. it is illegal. but here’s what’s going on. everyone across the country needs to understand this. Gavin Newsom is planning to steal five Republican house seats next year … we cannot allow Gavin Newsom to get away with it.”

oh, boo fucking hoo. eat binkie, pal.

can you believe the nerve of these crybabies?

to these hypocritical shitnozzles, it’s perfectly okay for Texas to rip up their district maps in the middle of an election cycle in order gain five more Republican seats. but if Gavin Newsom does the exact same thing to give Democrats the edge in California, suddenly they’re clutching their chests and staggering to their fainting couches.

so unfair! so unfair!

nice histrionics, pal. now dry your eyes and put on a fresh diaper. you brought this war on yourselves.

let’s talk about Texas’s 1st congressional district. from 1846 to 2005 — 159 solid years — that seat was held by a Democrat. not one Republican was elected to the House of Representatives from TX-1. then, in 2005, Republicans gerrymandered the shit out of their maps. guess who’s been TX-1’s congressman since then?

that’s right, it’s this gibbering gobshite.


Louis Gohmert. the low-wattage fuckwit who said we could fight climate change by altering the moon’s orbit. I shit you not.

Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX) asked during a House Natural Resources subcommittee hearing if the National Forest Service and Bureau of Land Management could change the orbits of the moon and Earth in order to help address climate change. Gohmert’s office did not respond to CNN’s requests to clarify his remarks.

thanks to rigged maps, that’s the moron who’s been representing the voters of TX-1 for the last twenty years.

Gohmert was the first Republican to represent the district since Reconstruction. Proving just how Republican the reconfigured district is, Gohmert was reelected seven times with no less than 68 percent of the vote.

and now Texas wants to rig their maps again. they want to send five more Gohmert-level nincompoops to the House, in order to preserve the Republican majority they will otherwise almost certainly lose next year.

yeah? well, fuck that shit and fuck it hard. Republicans, let me introduce you to Kathy Hochul and Gavin Newsom. they’re not playing patty-cake any more.

what the situation in Texas — where over 50 Dems have left the state in order to break quorum and block legislation — calls for is a really futile and stupid gesture, and Texas Republicans are just the people to do it.

The Texas House voted Monday afternoon to track down and arrest more than 50 Democratic lawmakers who were not present when the chamber gaveled in. After the 85-6 vote, House Speaker Dustin Burrows said he would immediately sign civil warrants for each of the legislators, empowering the chamber’s sergeant-at-arms and state troopers to arrest and bring them to the Capitol.

ooooh, scary!


this threat to arrest Dems is nothing more than a toothless and impotent bit of performative nonsense.

They will not face civil or criminal charges from the arrests. The warrants apply only within state lines, making them largely symbolic as most of the legislators in question decamped to Illinois, New York and Massachusetts to forestall passage of the GOP’s proposed redraw of Texas’ congressional map.

Texas’ razor-wire-booby-trap-loving sadist of a governor, Greg Abbott, is also melting down into a big puddle of hissy right now.

Abbott has threatened to remove the lawmakers from office if they do not return to vote on the Trump-backed redistricting of the state. The governor also suggested that the lawmakers have committed felonies by fundraising to pay off their $500-a-day fees for not being present.

“This truancy ends now,” Abbott said in a letter sent to each of the departed members. “The derelict Democrat House members must return to Texas and be in attendance when the House reconvenes at 3:00 PM on Monday, August 4, 2025.”

here’s the official Democratic response to Razor Wire Greg’s temper tantrum.

oh my god, here comes the elation again. I think I’m passing out…

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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“It Doesn’t Cost Anything To Be Kind”

Alan Cumming, Bisexual actor, guest-hosting  Jimmy Kimmel Live and using the platform to speak out for transgender rights:

“America? How are you doing? No, really, how are you doing? I mean, how are you doing aside from being a country that’s just reintroduced concentration camps, taken health care away from 17 million people to give billionaires a tax cut, and also to finance an armed militia of masked men that commits heinous assorted kidnappings and crimes against humanity on a daily basis. Aside from all that, are you okay? I wouldn’t have thought so … I split my time between New York City, here in the United States and Scotland, my homeland … Yes, I am an immigrant from Scotland. Are you scared of me? I am taking an American’s job right now. But don’t worry, according to ICE I’m one of the good ones … Tonight’s show is all about superheroes. Not only are the Fantastic Four here as I said, but some of you may also remember me as Nightcrawler from the X-Men.

Of course, these superhero movies are only pretend, but I happen to believe there are actual superheroes in real life who walk among us. And these superheroes are called trans people, because just like superheroes trans people are both with something special and magical about them, and they often have to hide what’s special and magical about them from other people. Like superheroes they grow up in a society that doesn’t understand them, that makes them the other and often hates them. Like superheroes, trans people just want the world to be a safer place. And they believe we should protect each other and live our lives in peace. Like superheroes, evil billionaires want to get rid of trans people for no fucking reason whatsoever. And just like superheroes, trans people are not new. They’ve been around forever and they’re not going anywhere, no matter how much this administration tries to make you fear them.

There is no evidence that trans people are a threat to women. There is, however, ample evidence that the President of the United States publicly brags about barging into beauty pageant dressing rooms and grabbing women by their pussies. Wake up, America! Come on, millions of Americans are obsessed with his idea that trans people are attacking women in bathrooms. Do you know what trans people do in the bathroom? They poop and they pee. And I’m sure they always wash their hands afterwards. And why on Earth, this is what gets me, why on Earth would a rapist go to the bother of pretending to be trans in a country that actually treats rapists better than trans people?

Do think anyone in [The Felon’s] Administration could actually name two trans people … here in America the amount of hate crimes against trans people has risen hugely in the last year. And in Los Angeles, they’re up by 125%. Another surprising statistic? Our sitting president is a million percent more likely to be on the Epstein list than any trans person. So let’s not pretend that we’ve got our eye on the ball when it comes to sexual violence, OK, America? And how dare this president make random, unfounded accusations of sexual criminality against trans people when he was literally ordered to pay $83 million to a woman who accused him of sexual assault. It’s the pot calling the kettle black after trying to grab its handle in the changing room of a T.J. Maxx.

Trans people are far more likely to be victims of sexual assault or violence than be the perpetrators. Now, I know that some of you don’t want to look at trans people but, please America, at least force yourselves to look at the facts. There is no epidemic of attacks committed by trans people. But do you know how many people are killed every year by gun violence in this country? Over 46,000. And you’re worried about pronouns. Everyone in this country’s pronouns should be gun and control … [And] to people who repeatedly attack the trans community, why; why do you care so much? Why are you so upset by what other people do to their bodies in order to be happy? If it’s okay for the Kardashians and Elon Musk, shouldn’t it be okay for trans people? …

Even as an atheist I am a big fan of Jesus, I really am. I mean, what’s not to like? A tall, gorgeous man with great abs and flowing hair getting his feet washed by prostitutes and encouraging people to love their neighbors, all the while slaying in a loose caftan. And Jesus was an immigrant, by the way, let’s not forget. Jesus would have loved trans people. He changed water into wine. Is that not itself an act of transition? And you know how I know Jesus would have loved trans people? Because he loved people. He loved all people. And so of course he would love trans people and all queer people. I mean, Jesus was followed around at all times by twelve hot single guys. All of them also sporting caftans. You do the math. Jesus loved The Gays, America, deal with it. The only thing our current president has in common with Jesus is that they both owe their careers to their dads.

But seriously, just take a moment to realize what it must feel like to be a trans person in America today. Our government has legislated that trans people do not exist. It is trying to erase them completely. Imagine having to stockpile your essential life-saving medicine because your president might cut off access to it for no other reason than it makes him look strong to his base. If a government is going to declare that a whole group of people shouldn’t exist why can’t it be a truly dangerous group of people like those who take their socks and shoes off on airplanes and then go into the bathrooms? Why can’t it be people that use leaf blowers at unearthly hours of the morning? Why can’t it be unkind people? Which brings us back to Jesus.

Jesus just wanted us all to be kind. That’s all. So, for once America, I beg you, let’s all really try to give kindness a go. Like my little mom says it doesn’t cost anything to be kind. And I guarantee that any situation you find yourself in will go a little better with kindness. Now, speaking of kindness, despite this government’s slashing of funds for all things LGBTQ+, there are a number of great organizations out there still helping the queer and trans community, including The Trevor Project, P-Flag National, and Trans Lifeline. Please  call them if you need them and support them if you’re able. Thank you so much for listening.”

I saw this at Debra’s She Who Seeks when she posted a YouTube video of Cumming’s monologue. It was heartfelt and heartbreaking, funny and sweet , harsh and kind.

I’ve been thinking of it all week and going back to one though: be kind. What difference does it make in your life is a person is trans? Who is getting hurt by a trans person? No one; but many are hurting the trans community for no other reason than ignorance and fear spread by the current regime.

We need to stand with our trans brothers and sisters and let the tares know that, once again, they are on the wrong side of history, of life, of kindness, of Jesus, of faith, of spirituality, of hope.

Check out Alan’s full monologue at Debra’s blog—click the link above—and hear the entire speech. It’s worth it.

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Friday Madness From Jeff Tiedrich

he’s so fucking gross, and he defiles everything he puts his nasty little hands on.

it was bad enough when he tarted up the Oval Office with so much tasteless gold tat that it now looks like the gift shop of a bordello. you could have sent a child in there, armed with macaroni, glue, and a can of gold spray paint, and they would have done a more tasteful job.

tell me, how broken-inside do you have to be to gaze upon a historic and beautifully-curated rose garden and think ‘nah, let’s pave right the fuck over that shit’?

Donny, we’re told, wants the White House grounds to look more like his seedy little Florida golf motel. why? he’s down at Motel-a-Lago almost every weekend. does he really get that homesick the four days of the week he’s up in Washington, that he needs to turn the White House into some sterile parking lot?

does Donny want to be able to look out the Oval Office window, and there’s the Space Nazi, high as two ketamine-soaked kites, sitting on the patio where the Rose Garden used to be, piloting Forkship One to Mars?

nobody asked for this — and yet it’s being shoved in all of our faces, because fuck you, that’s why. nobody tells America’s Mad King what he can or can’t do.

now get ready to projectile vomit, because Little Donny Fuckface isn’t done shitting all over what we used to — in more innocent times — call The People’s House.

look at this abomination.

nobody asked for this, but Donny’s going to burn through two hundred million dollars in his quest to bulldoze the White House and replace it with a gaudy golf motel.

and I mean that quite literally — because I hear you asking ‘hey Uncle Jeff. ninety thousand square feet is larger than a football field. how is a ballroom of that size going to fit in the current White House?’

the answer is, it’s not.

the plan is to something-something-something the 55,000-square-foot East Wing and who the fuck knows what after that. if you want actual details, forget about it — because as usual, nobody in the White House can get their stories straight.

here’s Karoline Lie-vitt’s version.

The ballroom will be built where the “small, heavily changed, and reconstructed East Wing currently sits,” Leavitt said Thursday during a press briefing. When asked if crews would tear anything down to make way for the new structure, Leavitt said “the East Wing is going to be modernized.”

that’s complete nonsense. you can’t put a 90,000-square-foot ballroom where the 55,000-square-foot East Wing currently sits without tearing something down.

math, how does it work?

and here’s Donny’s version.

“It won’t be— it’ll be near it, but not touching it, and pays total respect to the existing building, which I’m the biggest fan of,” Mr. Trump said.

so which is it, you ass-clowns? is it going to replace the East Wing, or be near it?

by the way, here’s another artist’s rendition of the new ballroom.

oh no, wait — I’m sorry, that’s an actual photo of the Kremlin.

again, nobody asked for this. you can’t have healthcare, but Donny’s going to set fire to two hundred million dollars in his compulsive crusade to replicate his vermin-infested golf motel.

what’s next for the White House, Donny? hey, how about a spa? just think of it, bro — a vulgar golden spa, complete with teenage “spa girls,” just like the kind you and your dead pedo bestie used to fight over.

Donny won’t be happy until he’s shit all over everything we hold dear. one by one, he’s taken our once-sacred institutions and clownfucked them until they were worthless.

remember the Presidential Medal of Freedom? it used to be the highest honor that our nation could bestow on a civilian.

no more. now it’s that cheap trinket the president’s Slovenian trophy wife hung around the neck of some drug-addled sex-tourist.


Donny’s also made a mockery of our legal system. he’s used his presidential powers to pardon cronies, murderers and war criminals.

nobody should be surprised if he pardons the woman who used to wander the Motel-a-Lago spa rooms in search of teenage girls she could traffic for Donny’s dead pedo bestie.

speaking of which, the hornet’s nest Donny kicked when he let slip that he and Jeffrey Epstein fought over possession of those ‘spa girls’ shows no sign of going away.

yesterday, at a White House event for who the fuck even cares, the only thing the reporters wanted to talk about was you-know-what.

eporter: “the family of Virginia Giuffre released a statement overnight in response to some of the comments that you made this week, that Jeffrey Epstein ‘stole’ people from Mar-a-Lago. at the time, did you know why he was taking those young women, including Virginia Giuffre?”

Donny: “no, I didn’t know. I mean, I would figure it was ABC fake news that would ask that question, one of the worst.”

oh, so a fact that Donny let seep out of his rancid anus-mouth two days ago — that Virginia Giuffre was ‘stolen’ (she wasn’t your possession, Donny) — now, all of a sudden it’s ‘fake news’?

news flash for Donny: you’re the one who put the story out there, dumb-ass.

Does anyone besides the brain-dead cultists really believe that Donny didn’t know what Epstein was up to? what the fuck was that birthday poem about sharing ‘wonderful secrets’ all about?

was it Jeffrey Epstein’s recipe for the perfect bloody mary? was that the ‘wonderful secret’? I don’t think so.

don’t piss on our heads and tell us it’s raining, Donny.

now let’s all enjoy Donny concluding his hissy-fit and walking smack into his podium.

fun fact: one of the signs of advancing dementia is the inability to move around without bumping into things.

here are your heroes of the day: the Swedish state-owned energy company Vattenfall, who hired Samuel L. Jackson to star in a commercial entitled “Motherfucking Wind Farms.”

enjoy.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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I’d rather have these folks living next door to me than ANY red-hat-wearing felon-and-pedophile-supporting MAGAt any day of the week.

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The Week In Stupid From Jeff Tiedrich

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.

monday: stop the presses! no wait, start them back up

here’s Utah Senator Mike Lee with some stunning news — the kind of five-alarm shit you can only announce with flashing siren emojis.

holy shit. Fed Chair Jerome Powell is out! fuck yeah! BUH-BYE, Jerome, you obstructionist cum-sock! rack up another win for Dear Leader!

I mean, it’s totally weird how no actual news source is reporting this, but look: Mike’s posted the resignation letter — and Mike’s an actual US Senator, so it’s got to be legit, right?

hang on — wait just one goddamned minute, what’s going on with that seal down at the bottom? let’s take a closer look.

Mike Lee, you fucking imbecile. you got taken in by some shoddy AI-generated slop.

look at the lettering, you dunce. “Odeo of Govery8s8 of the Eirebal Reserve SielVa” — which just happens to be my favorite branch of government, because they’re the ones who sAe our en5rre coun!ey’s in#riiet r4t88.

the Senator Dipshit deleted his tweet, but — look, Mike, I hate to be the one to break this to you: you do know what the internet never does, don’t you?

that’s right, it never forgets.

tuesday: cloudy with a chance of dumbfuck

what happened to Naomi Wolf? she used be a garden-variety ‘wellness’ crank who dabbled in vaccine denial, but evidently the covid pandemic completely clownfucked her brain, because now she’s a full-bore conspiracy loon.

not only does Naomi find the evil machinations of the Deep State lurking around every corner — she seems completely befuddled by the sky.

“I don’t even know what this is, Salem MA”

ooh! ooh! ooh! pick me! pick me! I know the answer!

oh wait, the entire internet got there before me.

now comes the part where we throw our heads back in laughter —

— because the entire internet also showed up to mock the shit out of Naomi’s dumb-as-fuck tweet.

undaunted, Naomi’s back for more.

ok, I confess, Naomi. this is what clouds look like when the Jewish Space Lasers are scanning the Earth in search of fuckwit conspiracy loons to torment.

don’t mess with us.

wednesday: the more you know

hey, remember Glenn Beck? me neither. as one of Fox News’ original found objects, he was fucking huge back in the day, with a highly-rated daily show. but that was then, and this is now. Glenn still does a show. you can see it on the who even cares, nobody watches it network.

what happens when a parody becomes a parody of itself? get ready to find out, because here’s Glenn to explain exactly how Barack HUSSEIN Obama treasoned with Russia.

oh my god, Obama’s evil conspiracy has so many tentacles that TWO chalkboards can barely contain the ginormity of it.

good lord, Glenn Beck has meme-ified himself.

but of all the questions raised by Glenn’s two chalkboards, there’s only one that I need answered: has Glenn Beck been filching his wardrobe out of the dumpster behind Steve Bannon’s house?

thursday: you know a lot of what now?

listen up, all you commie rat bastards trying to take down our Great Dear Leader. Tennessee Rep Tim Burchett has a question for you: what’s the big deal about Donny having a dead pedo bestie? don’t we all?

“they knew each other. they ran in the same circles. it’s just like me. I know a lot of dirtbags myself.”

excuse me, you what?

that’s a stunning confession, Tim — and we’re going to need to know a lot more about these ‘dirbags’ you’re hanging out with.

does your name show up over and over on their flight logs?

do your dirtbag friends have 14 different phone numbers for you in their little black books?

do you encourage your children to hang out with your dirtbag friends?

most importantly, do you and your dirtbag friends get up into the kind of madcap hijinks where you invite a bunch of young “calendar girls” to a “party” at your tacky Florida golf motel, and when they get there, they find out that the only two dudes in attendance are you and your fuckface pedo pal?

just asking questions, Tim. we’re still allowed to ask questions in the Mad King’s hellish dystopia, aren’t we?

friday: you see what kind of people?

you may have asked yourself, how did Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden and Barack HUSSEIN Obama find the time to gin up all that fake Epstein File flim-flammery, just to make Dear Leader look bad?

I mean, they produced hundreds of thousands of pages of documents. that’s a lot of work for just three people, isn’t it? even with the help of James Comey and John Brennan, come on, that’s still a fuckload of effort.

QAnon conspiracy crank Scott McKay has the answer: ginning up all that bogus data is a piece of cake when everyone involved is dead.

my contact called me afterwards and gave me an amazing drop of information, or confirmation, of what exactly has been going on in this battle. number one is that Hillary Clinton has been removed from the playing field. she was removed December 31st, 2018, I believe it was, at Gitmo. Trump witnessed it. horrible thing he saw, he said. apparently she wouldn’t die. so, he said he never wanted to see it again. also there were six, five different Bidens that have been playing out that role. I just got off the phone with the same person, who is now overseas. I sent him a text earlier about something, and he said, by the way, and I won’t mention the woman’s name, who this came from, this is a high-level official. but he said, the text that I just got from her, said, ‘fake Obama — arrest coming soon.’ so, once again, these players have already been removed from the playing field.”

um, Scott? Nurse Ratched is here to remind you that it’s medication time.

now here’s the nice attendant to help you back to your bed, bro.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.