Category: Humor

"Jan, that's amazing! You should be in porn! I've never seen anyone…"

"Do you think I should take the rubber bands off?"

I find this hilarious!

An airplane was about to crash. There were four passengers on board, but only 3 parachutes. The first passenger said, "I am Steph Curry, the best basketball player. The Warriors and my millions of fans need me, and I can't afford to die." So he took the first pack and jumped out of the plane.

Donald Trump, the second passenger said, "I am Donald Trump. I am the newly-elected President of the United States and the smartest President in American history. My followers don't want me to die. He took the second pack and jumped out of the plane.

The third passenger, the Pope, said to the fourth, a ten-year-old boy, "My son, I am old and I do not have many years left. You have your entire life ahead of you, so I will sacrifice myself and let you have the last parachute."

"That's okay, your Holiness" said the boy. "There is still one parachute left for you. America's smartest president took my book bag."

…and we're both totally blasted, we'll see how far we can shove that bottle up your bum without having to rush you to the Emergency Room to get it out."

"Sounds great, Bob!"

…that's one I haven't used!

https://vine.co/v/e9A5gIULgqL

…since Eloise is out of town, whaddaya say we go back to your place and play hide the salami?"