Category: Mood

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It's feels like we're all just waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop. Am I right? Asteroid? Civil War? Aliens?!?

Or are we just all collectively suffering from PTSD? Discuss.

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I Need to Let It Go

It's been nine months since the fire, and still—every now and then—I'm unexpectedly hit with an overwhelming sense of loss. Yes, I know we all got out safely and probably 85% of our things were salvaged or replaced with new, but occasionally I'm caught unawares by the thought of something in that other 15% and it just devastates me.

Case in point, this morning I was listening to my "Winter 2016" music mix (prompted by a friend to whom I'd sent it on CD back in the day asking for a new track list last week), and seeing there were several soundtrack cuts in the mix, I remembered that my hasty decision to just let all my DVDs get crated off to the dump in the aftermath of the fire was a horrible, horrible mistake. There were several in the collection that I wished I'd kept; notably gifts from Ben: Westworld,  Preacher, and lord knows how many others. Then there were all four seasons of Battlestar Galactica, the short-lived Caprica series, a copy of The Martian that we bought on a whim and brought home for a date night, and dozens of others that are now just gone. Blame for losing them lays squarely on my shoulders, even though at the time I didn't deem them important enough to keep.

And then there was the box of CDs in my den closet, something that I would have rescued if I'd remembered they were there. I hadn't played any of them in years, having digitized everything, but many of them had extreme sentimental value. Some I'd owned for thirty or more years and were part of the "don't sell no matter how dire your financial situation becomes" collection. All gone; realized only after the salvage company had gone through the place and they were not on the "salvage and restore" list—or, frankly, the disposal list either. So god only knows what happened to them.

So I'm in a bit of a funk today.

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At This Point…

…with everything else that's going on in the world right now, if I stepped outside and saw this, my reaction would be, "Oh…



…that's interesting."

(I have no idea where these clips were pulled from, but it resonated with what's going on these days.)

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#Mood

I think everything is finally catching up with me. In a deep funk tonight. I thought I was doing a pretty good job of keeping everything in check, but when we made a brief run to Target this morning it all started falling apart. Whereas a week ago, with the exception of the paper products aisle and anything disinfectant-related being sold out, pretty much everything else was the same as always. There were fresh veggies, meat, frozen items, and ready-to-eat products in quantity. Not so today. It was as if a swarm of locusts moved through the store. And it still makes absolutely no sense to me at the items that are sold out. We were able to get the items we needed, but it was just…sad.

So then we came home to another rambling bather-fest by the orange menace in the White House. When are these news organizations just going to stop broadcasting his every dim-witted word salad? We need leadership, not bullshit.

And it doesn't help that AutoNation is still dicking around with my financing. I was told a week ago the loan had been approved by Belco Credit Union and I'd shortly be getting a welcome call from them. Lies. AutoNation's finance guy called this morning asking me to send them proof of employment because Belco was asking for it—even though I'd sent this to my salesman earlier in the week when he requested it. I swear one hand doesn't know what the other is doing at that place.

Frankly, I don't mind being cooped up in the house. Truth be told I was looking forward to this scenario as my retirement. You know, not having to go out and deal with people on a daily basis. The dogs obviously love it, even if they seem a bit confused why Ben and I are home all day. And they're certainly enjoying their evening walks (because neither Ben or I are used to just sitting at a desk all day; even I am used to walking to and from the parking garage, walking across the building to hit the restroom, and going to lunch).

So that's where we stand at the moment. I'm in a deep Sunday evening funk (deeper than my usual Sunday evening funk). I know there's a light at the end of this tunnel, but no one can see it yet, and the Federal Government is doing nothing to install confidence that they even know what they're doing. Thankfully local and state governments seem to be stepping up as best they can.

So how are y'all doing? Leave a comment below…

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Quote of the Day

I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow." ~ Margaret Mitchell

And that my friends, pretty much sums up my thoughts about the state of humanity these days. But there's no guarantee "I'll think about that tomorrow" because EVERYTHING is SO. FUCKING. DEPRESSING.