Category: Beating Back The Stupid

the performative screech-monkeys of the entire wingnut outrage-industrial complex are shitting themselves raw over the mere existence of Michigan Democratic Senate candidate Abdul El-Sayed, and I am so fucking here for how he’s kicking their tiresome asses in response.

El-Sayed is so good at this. listen to him tee off on that doughy pantload, Couchfuck McGee.

“is that Peter Thiel’s boy, with that Ohio charisma he’s got? I think we’ve had enough of him. the last thing that he said that made any sense was Hillbilly Elegy — after he said that Donald Trump had no business being president of anything. that was the last time he made sense, and then he decided to suck up to power. but that’s exactly what this is about. you got Republicans who will do anything for power and money, including corrupt their office.”

as I’ve said before, Abdul El-Sayed sounds like one of us. he’s snarky as fuck. he does everything we’d want him to in that clip but refer to JD Vance as ‘that doughy pantload Couchfuck McGee.’

we’ve all seen the video of Abdul commenting on Dear Leader’s diaper-filling habits, but let’s play it again, because it’s oh-so-satisfyingly good

Sky News reporter: “[Trump] says you’re full of shit.”

Abdul El-Sayed: “at least I don’t let mine go in the middle of the Oval Office.”

Abdul also wins at social media.

“I know it’s complicated for you, habibi. I’m happy to teach you how this works at our next debate…if you’re not too much a coward to debate me.”

‘habibi,’ by the way, is the Arabic word for ‘my beloved’ — and El-Sayed is employing it sarcastically, in the same way southerners say ‘bless your heart.’

but he’s not just a snark factory. he’s thoughtful. listen to him explain how the dumbfuck exercise videos farted out by Piss-Drunk Pete and Bobby Brainworms are just a hollow version of masculinity.

you asked me about like Pete Hegseth and RFK, that, like, they’re trying to speak to this particular group of people, and it ends up trying to like, again, just create one more performance that is like, the way to be a masculine person. and you know, as we’ve thought about it on the campaign, [lifting weights] is something that I’ve always done — but a lot of what I’m trying to do is be like hey, look, being a man is not about how you show up at the gym. it’s like how you show up for your family. it’s about how you show up in your community.”

El-Sayed gets it. you show up — for your family, for your community, and for your country. do you think Piss-Drunk Pete or Brainworms have ever shown up for anyone but themselves? of fucking course they haven’t.

as always, the moral rot starts at the top. Dear Leader loves only three things in this world: money, power, and his own porcine self — and not necessarily in that order. he’s the fucking president, and not once has he ever put his country ahead of his own greedy self-interest.

you know who else gets it? New York City’s islamocommunofascist Mayor, Zohran Mamdani.

If it looks like an Amazon delivery and drives like an Amazon delivery, then it’s an Amazon delivery, right? Not according to Amazon. Big companies like Amazon have built a vast network of subcontractors who deliver their packages while shielding them from accountability. It leaves our workers unprotected and our streets less safe. It’s time for a change. I’m proud to support the Delivery Protection Act to crack down on exploitative subcontracting and build an economy that works for everyone.

Mamdani, too, is so fucking good at this. it’s like he was made for standing in front of a camera.

but Zohran’s not just a pretty face. he wants to build a better world, and level the playing field for everyone. that’s why, as he explains in that video, he’s backing legislation that would force Amazon to stop reclassifying their drivers as independent contractors, which enables Amazon to weasel out of providing them benefits such as healthcare.

you know who else is good at this? Wisconsin Rep. Francesca Hong.

reporter: “were you prepared for this intense pushback you received, especially from Republicans, framing you as far too extreme for Wisconsin?”

Francesca Hong: “what’s extreme is Congressman Tiffany, a long-time DC Congressman, has voted against the interests of Wisconsinites over and over again. what’s extreme is that he’s an election denier. what’s extreme is that he continues to protect Epstein and pedophiles.”

Wisconsin Democrats really biffed it when they failed to pick Hong to be their candidate for Governor in yesterday’s primary. don’t make me come over there, Wisconsin, and explain how badly you just fucked up.

Democratic Socialists like El-Sayed, Mamdani and Hong — they’re not just twenty-four-seven charisma generators. 

they get it. they get what’s wrong with America: government is broken. politics is broken. late-stage capitalism is broken. none of that shit works for We the People any more.

and if you needed any more proof that everything is fucked all to shit, did you know that Fishin’ Trip Sammy Alito has been enriching himself off the cases he’s been ruling on?

The supreme court justice Samuel Alito gained up to $2.9m from his fossil fuel interests between 2005 and 2024, a new review of financial disclosures shows.

The findings come as the supreme court prepares to take up a case in which the oil companies Suncor Energy and Exxon asked the justices to find that federal law prevents subnational governments from filing lawsuits against fossil fuel producers for the climate-warming effects of their products.

what kind of shithole country allows this to happen? what kind of shithole country looks the other way while corrupt judges rake in the dough like it’s going out of style?

this is the kind of fuckery we used to mock tinpot third-world autocracies for. congratulations, America, you’re some penny-ante kleptocratic backwater. we’re number one!

it’s bad enough that Fishin’ Trip Sammy goes on all-expenses-paid luxury vacations with the oligarchs who tell him how to vote. now we’re finding out that Sammy’s been fattening his own wallet all along.

how fucking broken is that?

Republicans are scared shitless right now. they know that their policies totally fucking suck, and that they’re going to get creamed in the upcoming midterms — and so they’re lying their fucking faces off about the Democratic Socialist agenda.

“they’re crazy enough, yes. they want to cancel Thanksgiving, they want to cancel Christmas. look, these communists hate America. they hate capitalism. El-Sayed is also an Islamist, as is Mamdani, and look, you’ve seen the green-red convergence, where the communists and the Islamists, they want Sharia law, they hate Jews, they hate Christians, they hate capitalism, they hate America.”

shut the fuck up, Esteemed Senator Fidel Cancun. none of that that shit is true, and you fucking well know it. well, except for the part about hating capitalism. so we’ll give you that one, beardo. ace job, Ted — you got one right. take a victory lap.

El-Sayed, Mamdani and Hong grew up in this world that no longer works for We the People, and they’re fucking well tired of it. they’re tired of Republicans who work only for their oligarch overloads. they’re tired of watching Preznit Fuckwit and his felonious family rob this country blind. they’re tired of useless Democratic establishment lumps like Chuck Schumer writing one strongly-worded letter after another. let me tell you where you can stick those letters, Chuck.

Democratic Socialists like El-Sayed, Mamdani and Hong have decided that if anyone’s going to fix this shit, they themselves are going to be the ones to do it.

they’ve earned our support.

fuck yeah.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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“JOURNALISM 101 RULE: if someone says it’s raining, and another person says it’s dry, it’s not your job to quote them both. your job is to look out of the fucking window and find out which is true — now more than ever.”
— attributed to many, made famous on not-twitter by Andrea Junker

now, here’s a corollary: if an ambulance shows up at Mitch McConnell’s house and takes him away to somewhere, followed by a two-month-long news blackout during which the only signs of life are two fake-looking photographs, and then out of the clear blue, it’s announced that Mitch is now back at home, doing fine and resting comfortably, your job isn’t to go ‘oh, okay’ — your job is to fucking well find out if it’s true.

“Sen. Mitch McConnell said that he has been discharged from the rehabilitation center where he had been recovering after a fall and will continue to recover at home.”

BZZZT! wrong answer!

Mitch McConnell — and I cannot put too fine a point on this — HASN’T SAID SHIT.

all we have is a written statement issued by Mitch’s handlers, wherein McConnell is alleged to have said ‘earlier today, I was discharged from the rehabilitation center to continue my recovery at home’ — but come on, let’s have a little critical thinking here. there’s no proof that he personally authored that. anyone could have written it.

it’s been two months since McConnell was — according to the 911 call — found unconscious and in cardiac arrest on the floor of his home, bundled into an ambulance and taken to a hospital. since then, we’ve had no sign that Mitch even has a functioning brain at this point. no audio, no video. just two dodgy photographs, and the assurances of a couple of skeevy Republicans that they pinky-swear that they had a 20-minute phone conversation with Mitch, no, honest, you can trust us.

and now we’re being told that McConnell has been released from rehab and brought home — and there’s not one single photo of it happening? in a world where everyone now has a camera in their pocket, no one went ‘oh look, it’s Mitch McConnell,’ and snapped a pic? come on, none of this bullshit adds up.

wouldn’t you imagine that if McConnell were in full control of his faculties, his handlers would have had a crew on hand to film a video of a smiling Mitch waving to all, as he left the rehab center? 

why the secrecy? 

wouldn’t it be nice if the press were even remotely interested in finding out what the hell is going on, and didn’t just print what they were told?

but wait — it gets worse. here comes CBS News to twist the ‘journalistic malpractice’ dial so far past 11 that it snaps off in their fucking hand.

“Mitch McConnell says he’s been discharged from rehab, nearly 2 months after hospitalization”

irst, we have the same irresponsible ‘Mitch McConnell says’ in the headline — but on top of that, golly gee, it’s a photo of Mitch. anyone scrolling past this in their feed would go ‘oh, look, he’s being wheeled out of the hospital. huh, I guess he’s okay.’ 

sorry, no — wrong answer.

what CBS News has used is a file photo of McConnell being wheeled through the lobby of the Senate on May 19, 2026 — and CBS doesn’t even bother to say that anywhere in their reporting, giving a completely false impression of Mitch’s current state of health.

let’s face it — hardly anyone clicks on the news stories that show up in their socials. they just read the headline, look at the photo, and move on. 

on and on it went. every single news outlet lined up to stick a misleading photo on their breathless coverage of what Mitch allegedly ‘said.’

look, right now we have no use for a compliant press that prints whatever it’s told.

I wish we lived in a world where Republicans never lie to us, and there was no need for the press to fact-check every fucking word they say — but we don’t. we live in the shittiest timeline. we are being lied to every day of our lives.

we need a press that will rip this shit apart like a meth-tweaked pit bull. we need a press that goes ‘the fuck he did — prove it,’ every time they’re told that Mitch McConnell ‘said’ something. 

these are the same shit-kazoos who hounded Joe Biden every single day, and demanded he prove that he was still up to the task of presidenting. now, they’re handed on a silver platter the case of a Senator who is obviously hiding something about his own fitness for office, and the press can’t be roused from its slumber.

it’s fucking maddening.

meanwhile, in the Oval Bordello, undead advisor Nosferatu McGoebbels announced the latest in a long line of Preznit Fuckwit’s unconstitutional executive orders, while Dear Leader — who seems to have ditched his piss-mop wig and is back to his normal nebulous tangle of the six remaining hairs on his head — struggled to stay awake.

perfectly normal stuff.

“the president is using his authority as commander-in-chief first to sign an executive order using the new ruling the Supreme Court issued to expand the definitions of people who are ineligible for birthright citizenship. that includes, for example, alien enemies of the United States, members of foreign terrorist organizations, and large categories of people who lobby and act on behalf of foreign governments. and so we’re taking this action, it ensures that large numbers of people who wrongly would be getting birthright citizenship, will no longer be eligible for those benefits.”

racist says what?

don’t you just love how the Supreme Court has ruled that Donny can’t pull this shit, and they’re all, ‘oh, he’s going to do it anyway.’

words, what do they even mean? Donny’s ‘authority as commander-in-chief’extends only to the military, not to some farcical citizenship tribunal. tell me, who gets to decide who’s an ‘alien enemy’ or a ‘member of a terrorist organization’? who’s going to be making those decisions? Donny? Norferatu? Tom Homan? the Pocket Nazi?

what, I’m supposed to trust any of these hate-mongering shitweasels to make a fair ruling?

fuck all these fascist fucking fucks.

everything totally fucking sucks right now, but least we can overdose on schadenfreude a little bit, and enjoy the sight of this ‘Trump Superstore’ in rural Tennessee going out of business.

oh man. look, even Joe Biden’s having himself a laugh over this.

have a great Friday, everyone. don’t put words in Mitch McConnell’s comatose mouth.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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Little Donny Fuckface pretty much exists in a state of permanent rage these days. he’s Big Mad at the whole world.

he’s mad at Antifa, because they keep dropping their foul algae into his beautiful Epstein Reflecting Pool. he’s mad at the tourists, because they keep touching the Pool with their grubby little peon hands. he’s mad at that fucking inflatable frog, because it won’t stop mocking him

he’s mad at Iran, because they keep forgetting they’re supposed to lose his don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war on them.

and he’s mad at Obama, because he’s always mad at Obama. how dare a black man be so handsome and cool.

but right now, there’s no one Donny’s madder at than Senate Republicans.

yesterday morning, those selfsame Senate Reps had gussied up Statuary Hall, because Preznit Fuckwit was coming over to sign their shiny new bipartisan housing legislation.

look at how pretty they made it. lookit all them flags.

and that’s the exact moment Donny chose to be all ‘fuck those fucking flags, straight up the old patoot.’

Today’s Housing News Conference and Signing is hereby cancelled until such time as we pass the desperately needed SAVE AMERICA ACT, which I consider to be a National Emergency. Thank you for your attention to this matter! President DJT

and that, my friends, is the main reason Donny’s all knicker-twisted at the Senate GOP. they refuse to pass his ‘Save America Act’ — which, you’ll be shocked to learn, does nothing at all to ‘save America.’ it’s really a more of a ‘save Donny’s rancid ass act,’ because what it actually does is allow Dear Leader to fuck with the upcoming midterm elections and tip the scales in his favor.

Senate Republican won’t even put the Save America bill up for a vote, because they know that Democrats will filibuster the thing straight into the Phantom Zone. which brings us to the second thing Donny’s mad at the GOP for: they refuse to shitcan the filibuster.

by the way, at the same time Donny was not-tweeting his tantrum, he also not-tweeted this:

MY REAL POLL NUMBERS ARE THE HIGHEST THEY HAVE EVER BEEN. THANK YOU!!! President DJT

this poll was conducted by the very reputable firm These Voters Are Definitely In The Room With Us Right Now, which happens to be headquartered inside Donny’s own fat head.

now here’s where our narrative gets super fucking childish, because of course it does. this is a story about Dear Leader and Republicans. how could it not get infantile?

at 1pm, Donny did show up at the Senate — but it wasn’t because he’d had a change of heart about signing the housing bill. it was so he could hold a behind-closed-doors shout-fest with his own party.

Inside that closed-door lunch, Senator Bill Cassidy stood up and began yelling at the President of the United States. Trump told him to sit down. He refused. Trump called him a lunatic. Cassidy called him brother. Trump told him he was not his brother. And still, the shouting continued, until the senators sitting beside Cassidy quietly urged him to sit down.

here’s how one anonymous Republican described it to NOTUS:

He’s having a fucking tantrum.

holy shitballs, Batman. the Senate doesn’t need a Majority Leader — it needs a nun with a ruler.

Republicans have every right to be pissed off at Donny right now. first of all, he cancelled that bill-signing without giving them any advance warning — while they were in the middle of holding a press conference about it — making them all look like dipshits.

French Hill touts bipartisan Housing Bill, as Trump cancels signing mid-conference: “Let’s show the American people what legislating looks like…We did that in conjunction with President Trump and his priorities.”

and make no mistake, The 21st Century ROAD to Housing Act is a good bill.

The bill increases housing supply, cuts red tape and outdated environmental review requirements that slow down construction, and restricts large institutional investors, the ones who own 350 or more single-family homes, from buying up even more of the housing stock. It also creates grant programs to help local governments reform zoning, supports rural and manufactured housing, and expands small-dollar mortgage access.

the bill passed the Senate 85 to 5, and the House 358 to 32.

faceless corporations driving up the cost of housing by buying up all available stock and turning it into rental properties — preventing We the People from ever becoming homeowners — is a serious problem in America right now, and this bill would finally address the issue.

for once in their evil little lives, Republicans actually committed a Responsible Governing and did something that benefits We the People — and here comes Donny, to clownfuck it all straight into the dumpster, because he’s a colicky piss-baby hell-bent on score-settling.

Republicans don’t need Donny fucking with their shit right now. they’re fighting for their political lives, and it’s all Dear Leader’s fault. none of the crap that Donny’s inflicted on America is popular, and voters are taking it out on the GOP. Republicans needed this bill to get signed into law. they needed something to brag about to their pissed-off constituents.

as I wrote on February 24,

aside from the brain-dead cultists for whom Dear Leader can never ever do wrong, nobody voted for any of the fascist shit going on right now.

nobody voted for the historic and stately East Wing to be demolished so that Donny can replace it with some vulgar Epstein Dance Hall — and speaking of Donny’s dead pedo bestie, nobody voted for the continuing cover-up of a massive pedophile ring.

nobody voted for off-the-charts corruption and greed.

nobody voted for masked ICE thugs teargassing children, and murdering anyone who looks at them funny. nobody voted for innocent immigrants to be disappeared off the streets and shipped off to far-away slave-labor gulags.

nobody voted for our allies to be insulted and ignored, or for Ukraine to be thrown to the wolves, or for Greenland to be perpetually harassed, or for Venezuela to become a vassal state.

nobody voted for the price of everything continuing to skyrocket — especially when Donny promised bring all that shit down on Day One.

and I wrote that three days before Donny started his unprovoked, unnecessary and illegal don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war on Iran, closing down the Strait of Hormuz and spiking the price of gas. nobody voted for that shit, either.

oh, and I’ve got a message for all these Republicans who are now running around with their hair on fire because their reelection prospects just went fuckity-bye:

boo fucking hoo — because now comes the part where We the People throw our heads back in laughter.

you did this to yourselves. you sealed your fate when you abdicated your constitutionally-mandated role as a check on the presidency, and gave this fascist fuckface free reign to do whatever the hell he wanted, never once blocking any of his shit-brained schemes.

incoherent tariffs? go for it, Dear Leader. unconstitutional executive orders? you do you, bro. fire all the experts and replace them with morons? sounds good to us. prosecute political enemies? knock yourself out. kick millions of people off their healthcare so that gazillionaires can have another tax cut? have at it. wage illegal wars and alienate all our allies? what could possibly go wrong?

and now it’s too late to undo the damage Donny has wrought on your political futures, and you’re all so, so sad.

here you go, GOP. enjoy a round of tiny violin.

meanwhile, Donny remains laser-focused on the issues that are really important.

reporter: “buying a home is unattainable for so many Americans. is this election legislation more important to you than resolving the housing crisis?”

Trump: “every election is important. we’re doing very well. they want a lot of communists to come in … and this country is not going to have communists.”

I would love for one reporter to ask Donny ‘what’s a communist?’ I’d love it almost as much as I’d love for some reporter to finally win my What The Fuck Is Wrong With You Challenge™, which I must point out is now in its 2,277th day.

oh wait, did I say up at the top of this post that Donny’s mad at everyone? that’s not actually true. there’s one person whom Donny is head-over-heels smitten with.

get your barf-bag ready, because I’m talking about that weird stalker who’s attached herself to Donny like some fucked-up barnacle. I’m talking about Natalie Harp.

[I first read that as “The president banged his 34-year old personal assistant,” which is probably more accurate than the original statement. – MA]

The president bragged that his 34-year-old personal assistant, who rarely leaves his side, is “the only one who loved him as much as his wife and his kids.”

eww.

news flash for Donny: Ms. Harp loves you a whole lot more than the Slovenian rent-a-wife who married you for your money, never smiles in your presence, recoils at your touch, and refuses to share your bed. she doesn’t love you at all.

neither do your children.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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