Shitposting since 2005
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From Palmer Report:
One of the great ironies of the Watergate scandal is that the most famous quote to come from it – “These are not very bright guys and things got out of hand” – was never actually said by anyone involved. That line only existed in the stylized movie version of events. It doesn’t matter. By all accounts the quote accurately sums up what the real Deep Throat was trying to convey to the real Bob Woodward about the real Nixon and his henchmen. But it’s somehow fitting that, like everything else about the scandal, even the pull quote is fake.
What does this have to do with Donald Trump? In a way, everything. His entire life has been one long series of overlapping scandals. Nothing about the man is what he purports it to be. Trump the savvy businessman was a fictional creation. Trump the billionaire was a fictional creation. Trump on the Apprentice was a spliced together fictional portrayal. Trump the politician has been such a work of fiction that… well, you know.
But do we really know? For a decade, one seedy, corrupt, evil, criminal, unhinged, and often outright filthy aspect after another of the real Donald Trump has been exposed. A disturbing number of people didn’t care. Some still don’t. Some didn’t start caring until it was too late. At this point it feels like any additional scandal that comes out about Trump is only going to move the needle incrementally. After all, literally every inch of this piece of crap’s life has been a hideous scandal.
But then there’s Jeffrey Epstein. In his own way, an even more psychotically evil villain than Donald Trump. Epstein committed the one kind of crime that just about everyone on earth agrees is pure evil. It’s the one crime that other criminals all think is evil. It’s the kind of evil that can instantly end any public figure’s public life if it’s exposed that they even so much as knew what Epstein was doing to those girls.
Which of course is why Trump is willing to burn it all down – even his own failing presidency – in a desperate attempt at keeping his connections to Jeffrey Epstein under wraps. And it’s why Trump’s henchmen have been trying to help Trump keep it all a secret. Even as psychotically evil as they are, they understand just how evil Epstein’s crimes were, and how thoroughly Trump will be finished in public life if the public finds out that Trump even knew what Epstein was doing. And frankly, Trump’s own mouth has gotten the public halfway there.
Yet the effort to cover it all up continues. The federal court systen ordered the Trump regime to turn over all relevant information about the Jeffrey Epstein files. But yesterday the Trump regime basically said “nah.” Instead it’s asking for a sixty day delay for no coherent reason. The court won’t grant any such delay. The Trump regime is buying itself a few days at most, waiting until Friday on a holiday weekend to file something that will surely be rejected once the courts reopen. That’s just how desperate Trump’s Department of Justice is to stall this for even so much as a long weekend.
Of course this is the same Trump Department of Justice – the dumbest four words ever strung together – just yesterday admitted to the court that it accidentally sent a copy of Jack Smith’s report to the defense attorney for someone the DOJ has criminally charged with having improperly obtaining a copy of said report. If that sounds insanely confusing, that’s because it is. It’s incompetence on a level that’s so thoroughly on the nose, you have trouble believing it even as you’re reading the news report about it. Except you do believe it, because these people really are that stupid in how they go about trying to be evil.
These are not very bright guys and things got out of hand. These words may have never been spoken during the Watergate scandal, but they perfectly conveyed the entirety of the scandal. And now, just as accurately, just as stunningly, just as absurdly, just as perfectly these same words apply to an attempted coverup that’s so evil and so stupid that it makes Watergate look like a day at the park. These are not very bright guys and things got out of hand.
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You see, it’s bad enough watching over a third of our nation becoming fully indoctrinated into a sycophantic cult of personality of the very worst kind of person, to see once reasonable people abandon any semblance of benevolence toward diverse humanity.
It’s rightly heartbreaking to see those we love so seduced by power, addled by racism, and deluded by tribalism that they’ve declared war on immigrants and, vaccines and gay kids and the electoral process.
And yes, it’s infuriating witnessing tens of millions of Americans having their minds slowly poisoned by Fox News and Franklin Graham to the point they defend a domestic act of terror on our Capitol or take the side of a murderous regime’s genocide or celebrate their neighbors being thrown into concentration camps.
As wearying as all that is, it’s so much worse having them invoke love of God and country in the process.
That’s what makes these days so difficult for so many of us: not merely coming to terms with the beliefs and prejudices and phobias of those we are daily surrounded by here, but having to contend with their constant projection about us and their refusal to simply own who they are. It’s the nonstop, hypocritical, farcical performance art.
Good people are so tired of traitors masquerading as patriots, of the treasonous continually waving the flag, of hateful people peddling a God of love.
They’re tired of human beings with no empathy pretending they care about the sanctity of life, of the loudest prophets of America First having the least regard for so many Americans, of the self-righteous sermonizers defending a predator.
Where are the selflessness, generosity, and hospitality that were supposed to mark the lovers of God and country?
Where are the lives that replicate the embrace of the poor, huddled masses affixed to the foundation of Liberty?
Where are those who emulate the love of disparate neighbors at the heart of the Gospels?
Patriot. Christian. American.
These words have all lost their meaning: words that used to cost something to claim, labels that once came with even a modicum of transformation, and self-identifiers that had previously required a measure of evidence displayed in one’s life.
The flag and the cross that used to hold such meaning to so many of us are now just stolen iconography wielded by the immigrant-hating wall-builders and the violent anti-abortion zealots.
Using these words and wearing these symbols has become more and more difficult for us, as they now align us with the very antithesis of our moral convictions and guiding principles.
People who truly love this country, those who earnestly seek a faith expressed in love, human beings who are burdened to make America worthy of the speeches and anthems—we find ourselves branded heretics and traitors and apostates, forcefully displaced from religion and country by these angry squatters who have taken up residence in them.
True patriots should want all Americans to vote, they should oppose would-be dictators, they should yield to the Constitution, and they should demand a nation that is offered to everyone equally.
Actual followers of Jesus should defend the vulnerable, they should give comfort to the sick, food to the hungry, welcome to the immigrant, and love to the least among us.
And while the masqueraders and pretenders parade around in grand performative acts of love of God and country while willfully betraying both—the rest of us are going to have to fight to hold on to our nation and our religion, and to care for a world that needs desperately authentic people of faith, morality, and conscience who simply live a love that doesn’t need to declare itself loving.
As far as patriotism and faith go, this nation needs the real thing again.
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there are days when everything in the news is so profoundly idiotic that I don’t even know where to begin. yesterday was one of those days — so once again, I’m just going to drag out the Big Wheel of Moron™, give it a spin, and see where it lands. ready? here we go.
what. in the actual. fuck.
first of all, let’s all breathe a sigh of relief, because this vulgar abomination isn’t real — at least, it isn’t real yet. what Preznit Fuckwit’s shat out onto his crappy app is the product of some janky six-fingered plagiarism robot.
but the question must be asked: was the AI that ginned this up trained on a copy of The Rise And Fall Of The Third Reich? it’s a legit question, because you know who else was in madly in love with eagles with their wings all spread out and shit? of course you do.
oh look, it’s Adolf Hitler, giving a speech in front of a ginormous Nazi eagle, and everyone in the audience is sieg heiling to beat the band. which, as long as we’re on the subject, reminds us of —
why does everything this administration does turn out to be something the Nazis did first?
nobody asked for this. nobody said, ‘gee, Donny there isn’t enough golden shit trashing up the White House yet. is there any way you can wedge some vulgar Nazi-themed eagle into the mix, maybe above the front door?’
it’s bad enough that all of Donny’s policies remind that he’s trying to build his own fucked-up Turd Reich, does he really have to steal all their symbolism as well?
well, that was fun. are you ready for another spin of the wheel? here we go—
fuck, it landed on Donny again. come on Donny, stop being such an attention hog.
reporter: “what are your plans for the housing bill?”
Donny: “I don’t— know. I think it’s so— unimportant by compared to— by compared to the Save America Act. the housing bill is a bill that can get approved. they worked on it long and hard. it’s very— bipartisan. that means Democrats like it. and it’s uhhhhh— maybe— even— uhhhhh, it’s, it’s probably maybe more that way, they’re getting things that I wouldn’t necessarily agree to. nobody knows more than housing in the history of the presidency, nobody, nobody, no— well like me, in housing. I made a lot of— I made a lot of money. I made a lot of money with housing.”
heh heh, he said ‘long and hard.’
oh my god, Donny’s brain is fried. folks, I want to assure you there are no transcription errors in that excerpt. I took great pains to type out that torrent of incoherence exactly as it seeped from Dear Leader’s rancid anus-mouth. yes, he actually said ‘by compared to’ — twice.
let me ask you a question: do you think Donny even knows what’s in the housing bill he’s refusing to sign? because he sounds like a fifth-grader called upon to get up in front of the whole class to give an oral report on a book he absolutely forgot to read.
‘… and so if you have courage, they give you a red badge, and that’s why everyone should read The Red Badge of Courage.’
Donny’s oral report on the Red Badge of Housing Bill is just as nonsensical, because — spoiler alert — the illiterate fuck didn’t read it, and he can’t remember what he was told about it, because he was too busy watching himself on Fox News to listen. all he knows is that Democrats like it, which means it must be baaaaaad.
look, you can take Donny’s word for it, because he knows more about housing than all the housers. big strong housings, with tears in their eyes, come up and tell him so every day.
this guy’s a fucking idiot, and he’s making policy decisions based on vibes. what could possibly go wrong?
ugh. help us, Big Wheel of Moron™, and spin us the fuck out of here.
“let anyone who comes to this district, who thinks that he or she is going to vandalize the reflecting pool, you’re facing 10 years in prison.”
Jeanine Pirro sure loves to talk tough and come out with guns blazing, doesn’t she? Jeanine is what would happen if Yosemite Sam drank the entire box of wine in one gulp.
so, for those of you keeping score at home:
if you come to our nation’s capital and you so much as dip your pinky into the sacred and holy Epstein Reflecting Pool, you will spend the rest of your life in the hoosegow.
but it you come to DC in order to bludgeon cops with flagpoles, break into the Capitol, and take a shit on the floor of the House, the government will pardon you, apologize to you for the inconvenience, and — if Donny gets his way — enrich you beyond your wildest dreams
holy shit. spin us out of here, Big Wheel.
Dr. Oz has no freaking clue how insurance works, does he?
“of the people who signed up, 40% never use the insurance. let me ask you, John, you have health insurance — do you use it once a year? in Obamacare right now 40% of the people ostensibly signed up never use the insurance … we have a lot of fake people on the policies.”
wait, what?
on what planet is paying for insurance and not using it proof of fraud?
now look. I pay X dollars a month for car insurance. I’ve never filed a claim, because I’ve never had an accident. according to Dr. Oz, that somehow means I’ve been defrauding that cute little Geico gecko for years. I would never do that. I mean, look at this little homey. he’s fucking adorable.
now, this would all be hilarious of Dr. Oz were merely some loudmouth drunk at the end of the bar, ranting about all those goddamned Obamacare fraudsters, before passing out face-down in a puddle of his own sick.
but Oz is the administrator of the US Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services. that’s way too much power for any crackpot this ignorant to hold — and he’s going to use this counterfactual bullshit as an excuse to kick people off Obamacare.
my head hurts. let’s give this accursed Wheel one final spin.
ha! you knew we’d eventually land on Donny’s Big Vacant Shitpile Of Nothingness, didn’t you?
as Aaron Rupar sagely observed when he posted this clip, ‘this is some epic cope.’
Larry ‘Three Sheets’ Kudlow: “help me out, I want to be a part of this.”
Fox correspondent: “perhaps now that the closing bell is here, we’re gonna get more people out here.”
yeah, you keep telling yourself that — that people were only waiting for Wall Street’s closing bell to ring at 4pm before heading to the Mall. let us know how that works out for you.
my god, Fox News wants so hard for Donny’s Ginormous Barren Abyss to be a success, and it just ain’t happening. four days after it opened, the Great American State Fair remains a ghost town.
oh, wait — here comes someone. let’s see if we can get them to stop for an interview.
oops, our mistake. it was just some random tumbleweed.
it’s four more days until July 4th, and things are just going to keep getting stupider.
lucky us.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
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(Warning: this article contains depictions of sexual violence and may be triggering for survivors of assault)
This is not speculation.
It is not conjecture.
It’s not a Left-Wing talking point.
This is documented, established fact.
It was unequivocally declared by a judge.
It has been repeatedly upheld in the courts.
He is a rapist.
And to any decent human being, that would have been a dealbreaker.
It wasn’t for them.
Donald Trump’s name is listed tens of thousands of times in the files documenting one of the most prolific and vile child trafficking rings in history, orchestrated by a man with whom he was a close friend and collaborator, one he traveled with. partied with, and corresponded with.
For people with normal ethical standards, this would be a stark, uncrossable red line.
For them, it proved not to be.
Donald Trump has been accused by dozens of women of rape, sexual abuse, and physical violence, including a woman who testified before the FBI that Trump raped her when she was just 13 years old.
For actual followers of Jesus, this would all be stomach-turning and condemned as the darkest kind of evil.
For them, it hasn’t been.
For tens of millions of our family members, lifelong friends, neighbors, coworkers, and classmates, none of this has mattered. His well-documented brutality has never been a liability.
Despite a vast and reprehensible body of work, filled with proven sexual assault, alleged pedophilia, boasts about forced affection, credible accusations, and vicious public verbal attacks on women, he still receives their undying allegiance.
Instead of joining decent humanity in dragging him and his accomplices into the raking light of legal accountability for their atrocities against the most vulnerable, they obfuscate, they feign ignorance, they move the goalposts, and they slander the victims.
For all their performative sermonizing about protecting girls and young women, Trump’s supporters have shown through their silence, through their refusal to acknowledge reality, and through their steadfast adoration no matter how disgusting the revelations that they simply don’t give a damn.
Unthinkable violence against children, sadistic degradation of women, absolutely monstrous allegations of assault; they’re all trumped by the pathetic cultic affection they have for a man who in any other sphere of life would be a pariah where good people gather.
They have put political wins, Supreme Court Seats, and the cheap high they get off hurting people vicariously through him above the dignity and safety of other human beings. In the face of legal reckoning, he has received the protection of the highest seat of power in this nation, one they’ve helped him retain.
They know what he’s done, and it has not dampened their passion.
And this, perhaps as much as any moral or ethical malpractice they’ve engaged in to support him (and there has been so much), cannot be something we let them off the hook for, no matter what they say after he is no longer in power or no longer walking this earth.
When time and justice catch up to him, when his regime is finally dismantled, and some kind of normalcy and stability return to our nation, their breathless worship of a violent, sadistic sexual deviant will be their legacy.
He is who he is, and his supporters are who they are.
Donald Trump is a rapist.
He will always be a rapist.
His supporters will always have passionately supported a rapist.
They cannot be excused for that.
They cannot be forgiven for that.
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I fully expect a rant on Truth Social claiming that the photos were fake and that this was the largest celebration in US history. “Millions of people on the mall!”
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Hair Füror… “…unveiled a new rendering of a special commemorative US passport bearing his likeness Friday, debuting a limited-edition passport to mark America’s 250th anniversary this year.” —CNN
Just sayin’.
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other98: trump’s latest whopper is that vandals took a knife to the new paint job at the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool, and somehow the National Park Service, the cops, and half the press played along like that made sense. A deputy director swore in a court filing that the liner was “cut with a sharp knife or razor,” but anyone scrolling through the literally hundreds of photos out there can see that coating peeling and flaking off in chunks, with zero sign of a clean blade cut anywhere. Nobody grabs a knife when they want to strip paint off concrete, that is just not a thing that happens.
This is the gaslighting playbook we have watched for years now. trump says something insane, officials back him up, then the media repeats it like gospel, and the public is left wondering if they are the crazy one for noticing the obvious gap between the claim and the evidence. We saw it with the stolen 2020 election lie that still will not die, we saw it with the Haitians eating pets nonsense that got repeated on a debate stage, and we saw it after the rally shooting when his ear reportedly took a graze and somehow looked flawless days later with barely a mark, no real explanation given, and nobody in mainstream coverage pushed very hard on it. And on and on and on for ten damn years of this rambling maniac’s word being taken seriously.
Each time, the same pattern plays out. A claim with no real evidence gets stated, officials nod along, and the press treats repetition as confirmation instead of doing the basic work of checking it against what people can literally see with their own eyes. The whole scenario is right out of Orwell’s 1984 where he wrote, “The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.”
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Little Donny Fuckface pretty much exists in a state of permanent rage these days. he’s Big Mad at the whole world.
he’s mad at Antifa, because they keep dropping their foul algae into his beautiful Epstein Reflecting Pool. he’s mad at the tourists, because they keep touching the Pool with their grubby little peon hands. he’s mad at that fucking inflatable frog, because it won’t stop mocking him
he’s mad at Iran, because they keep forgetting they’re supposed to lose his don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war on them.
and he’s mad at Obama, because he’s always mad at Obama. how dare a black man be so handsome and cool.
but right now, there’s no one Donny’s madder at than Senate Republicans.
yesterday morning, those selfsame Senate Reps had gussied up Statuary Hall, because Preznit Fuckwit was coming over to sign their shiny new bipartisan housing legislation.
look at how pretty they made it. lookit all them flags.
and that’s the exact moment Donny chose to be all ‘fuck those fucking flags, straight up the old patoot.’
Today’s Housing News Conference and Signing is hereby cancelled until such time as we pass the desperately needed SAVE AMERICA ACT, which I consider to be a National Emergency. Thank you for your attention to this matter! President DJT
and that, my friends, is the main reason Donny’s all knicker-twisted at the Senate GOP. they refuse to pass his ‘Save America Act’ — which, you’ll be shocked to learn, does nothing at all to ‘save America.’ it’s really a more of a ‘save Donny’s rancid ass act,’ because what it actually does is allow Dear Leader to fuck with the upcoming midterm elections and tip the scales in his favor.
Senate Republican won’t even put the Save America bill up for a vote, because they know that Democrats will filibuster the thing straight into the Phantom Zone. which brings us to the second thing Donny’s mad at the GOP for: they refuse to shitcan the filibuster.
by the way, at the same time Donny was not-tweeting his tantrum, he also not-tweeted this:
MY REAL POLL NUMBERS ARE THE HIGHEST THEY HAVE EVER BEEN. THANK YOU!!! President DJT
this poll was conducted by the very reputable firm These Voters Are Definitely In The Room With Us Right Now, which happens to be headquartered inside Donny’s own fat head.
now here’s where our narrative gets super fucking childish, because of course it does. this is a story about Dear Leader and Republicans. how could it not get infantile?
at 1pm, Donny did show up at the Senate — but it wasn’t because he’d had a change of heart about signing the housing bill. it was so he could hold a behind-closed-doors shout-fest with his own party.
Inside that closed-door lunch, Senator Bill Cassidy stood up and began yelling at the President of the United States. Trump told him to sit down. He refused. Trump called him a lunatic. Cassidy called him brother. Trump told him he was not his brother. And still, the shouting continued, until the senators sitting beside Cassidy quietly urged him to sit down.
here’s how one anonymous Republican described it to NOTUS:
He’s having a fucking tantrum.
holy shitballs, Batman. the Senate doesn’t need a Majority Leader — it needs a nun with a ruler.
Republicans have every right to be pissed off at Donny right now. first of all, he cancelled that bill-signing without giving them any advance warning — while they were in the middle of holding a press conference about it — making them all look like dipshits.
French Hill touts bipartisan Housing Bill, as Trump cancels signing mid-conference: “Let’s show the American people what legislating looks like…We did that in conjunction with President Trump and his priorities.”
and make no mistake, The 21st Century ROAD to Housing Act is a good bill.
The bill increases housing supply, cuts red tape and outdated environmental review requirements that slow down construction, and restricts large institutional investors, the ones who own 350 or more single-family homes, from buying up even more of the housing stock. It also creates grant programs to help local governments reform zoning, supports rural and manufactured housing, and expands small-dollar mortgage access.
the bill passed the Senate 85 to 5, and the House 358 to 32.
faceless corporations driving up the cost of housing by buying up all available stock and turning it into rental properties — preventing We the People from ever becoming homeowners — is a serious problem in America right now, and this bill would finally address the issue.
for once in their evil little lives, Republicans actually committed a Responsible Governing and did something that benefits We the People — and here comes Donny, to clownfuck it all straight into the dumpster, because he’s a colicky piss-baby hell-bent on score-settling.
Republicans don’t need Donny fucking with their shit right now. they’re fighting for their political lives, and it’s all Dear Leader’s fault. none of the crap that Donny’s inflicted on America is popular, and voters are taking it out on the GOP. Republicans needed this bill to get signed into law. they needed something to brag about to their pissed-off constituents.
as I wrote on February 24,
aside from the brain-dead cultists for whom Dear Leader can never ever do wrong, nobody voted for any of the fascist shit going on right now.
nobody voted for the historic and stately East Wing to be demolished so that Donny can replace it with some vulgar Epstein Dance Hall — and speaking of Donny’s dead pedo bestie, nobody voted for the continuing cover-up of a massive pedophile ring.
nobody voted for off-the-charts corruption and greed.
nobody voted for masked ICE thugs teargassing children, and murdering anyone who looks at them funny. nobody voted for innocent immigrants to be disappeared off the streets and shipped off to far-away slave-labor gulags.
nobody voted for our allies to be insulted and ignored, or for Ukraine to be thrown to the wolves, or for Greenland to be perpetually harassed, or for Venezuela to become a vassal state.
nobody voted for the price of everything continuing to skyrocket — especially when Donny promised bring all that shit down on Day One.
and I wrote that three days before Donny started his unprovoked, unnecessary and illegal don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war on Iran, closing down the Strait of Hormuz and spiking the price of gas. nobody voted for that shit, either.
oh, and I’ve got a message for all these Republicans who are now running around with their hair on fire because their reelection prospects just went fuckity-bye:
boo fucking hoo — because now comes the part where We the People throw our heads back in laughter.
you did this to yourselves. you sealed your fate when you abdicated your constitutionally-mandated role as a check on the presidency, and gave this fascist fuckface free reign to do whatever the hell he wanted, never once blocking any of his shit-brained schemes.
incoherent tariffs? go for it, Dear Leader. unconstitutional executive orders? you do you, bro. fire all the experts and replace them with morons? sounds good to us. prosecute political enemies? knock yourself out. kick millions of people off their healthcare so that gazillionaires can have another tax cut? have at it. wage illegal wars and alienate all our allies? what could possibly go wrong?
and now it’s too late to undo the damage Donny has wrought on your political futures, and you’re all so, so sad.
here you go, GOP. enjoy a round of tiny violin.
meanwhile, Donny remains laser-focused on the issues that are really important.
reporter: “buying a home is unattainable for so many Americans. is this election legislation more important to you than resolving the housing crisis?”
Trump: “every election is important. we’re doing very well. they want a lot of communists to come in … and this country is not going to have communists.”
I would love for one reporter to ask Donny ‘what’s a communist?’ I’d love it almost as much as I’d love for some reporter to finally win my What The Fuck Is Wrong With You Challenge™, which I must point out is now in its 2,277th day.
oh wait, did I say up at the top of this post that Donny’s mad at everyone? that’s not actually true. there’s one person whom Donny is head-over-heels smitten with.
get your barf-bag ready, because I’m talking about that weird stalker who’s attached herself to Donny like some fucked-up barnacle. I’m talking about Natalie Harp.
[I first read that as “The president banged his 34-year old personal assistant,” which is probably more accurate than the original statement. – MA]
The president bragged that his 34-year-old personal assistant, who rarely leaves his side, is “the only one who loved him as much as his wife and his kids.”
eww.
news flash for Donny: Ms. Harp loves you a whole lot more than the Slovenian rent-a-wife who married you for your money, never smiles in your presence, recoils at your touch, and refuses to share your bed. she doesn’t love you at all.
neither do your children.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
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the thing about Donny’s Reflecting Pool debacle is that everyone can see with their own eyes just how badly he’s fucked up.
this isn’t like some don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war half a world away, or some loony policy decision whose ruinous effects won’t come to light for months or years.
no, this one’s a huge clownfucked mess, and it’s right there in front of everyone’s faces.
and so Donny’s decided to solve this self-inflicted disaster in the most Donny way possible: by declaring that if you touch his beloved Pool, you’re going to jail for a millionty skillion years.
The United States Park Police have arrested multiple individuals for vandalizing our Nations magnificent Reflecting Pool. Who would do such a thing? These are very serious crimes having to do with the destruction of National Monuments. Years in jail! Work will begin immediately on its repair. President DJT
years in jail! make them do hard labor! feed them bread and water! off with their fucking heads!
let’s be crystal clear here: nobody is vandalizing Dear Leader’s big watery shitpile. that’s a fever-swamp hallucination that exists only inside Donny’s waterlogged head.
nobody is doing this. nobody is going down the the Atifa store and buying the biggest goddamned Antifa knife they can, and the heading over to the Pool — which has 24-hour live cameras directed at it seven days a week — and somehow slashing the shit out of it, and then making a clean getaway, without being seen.
what people are being carted away in handcuffs for is touching the paint chips that have already broken off, or fishing them out of the water.
one person charged told The Post he touched the peeling paint but did not cause damage. Another was heard telling officers she pulled a piece of floating paint out of the water.
what an excellent use of law enforcement time and resources, nailing people for the heinous crime of Grand Theft Paint Chips — all because the colicky piss-baby in the Oval Bordello can’t ever take responsibility for his own fuck-ups.
it’s all so fucking stupid and childish. nonetheless, America’s tipsiest US Attorney was all over Fox News yesterday, vowing to prosecute any miscreant or ne’er-do-well who even looks at the Reflecting Pool funny.
“these are cases that will be prosecuted to the full extent. if there are more serious products that are put into the Reflecting Pool to create more algae, or a bigger problem, then we’ll consider more serious charges. but make no mistake: making DC beautiful is a priority, and if you damage, vandalize, or do anything to impact something like the Reflecting Pool, you can be prosecuted.”
once again: nobody is doing this. nobody is vandalizing the Pool. nobody is putting ‘products’ into the pool to ‘create more algae.’ they don’t even sell that shit at the Antifa store. I just checked.
Jeanine Pirro — who was appointed to her job because she’s loyal, not because she’s competent (or sober) — is going to prosecute innocent people who did nothing wrong, just to please Dear Leader.
this is so dumb. this is the Sandwich Guy all over again.
remember the Sandwich Guy? he was the dude who got arrested for lobbing his lunch at a DC cop.
Tipsy McBoxwine was so super fucking horny to make an example out of Sandwich Guy that she dressed up in Holstein cow cosplay to moo loudly about how she was going to prosecute the shit out of him.
remember what happened next? she tried to get a grand jury to indict Sandwich Guy for felony assault, and the grand jurors were all ‘are you kidding us, Jeanine? it’s a fucking sandwich.’
most prosecutors would have let it go after that, but because Pirro is apparently as big a glutton for self-humiliation as Dear Leader is, she then charged Sandwich Guy with a misdemeanor, and wasted taxpayer money on a pointless, three-day trial.
spoiler alert: Sandwich Guy got acquitted, because it was a fucking sandwich, Jeanine.
and now, here were are all over again. Pirro is going to waste government resources and money on pointless show trials, and fuck with the lives of innocent people — and in the end, all these people are going to walk free, because it’s fucking paint chips, Jeanine.
let’s recap just how the fuck we got here.
Donny invented an imaginary problem where none existed, and then bragged that he was the only person in the world who could solve it. without bothering to consult a single expert, he handed a juicy contract worth millions to an incompetent crony, who did a slapdash job that went way over budget. then, without waiting to see what the actual results were, he praised himself and took a victory lap. when it all blew up in his big, dumb pumpkin face, he hired some other unqualified crony to implement a ‘fix’ that just made the everything worse — at which point he started blaming everyone else and whining about how it was all a conspiracy against him. so unfair! so unfair!
if all that sounds familiar, that’s because it is. this is the same template Donny applies to every single one of his fuck-ups, whether it’s a bankrupt casino or a botched don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war on Iran.
and now, Donny has the National Guard ‘protecting’ his fugly green Pool, because of course he does.
that’s Donny’s ultimate solution to everything, to turn America in a police state.
lucky us.
we haven’t had a Hero of the Day for a while, so let’s have one now: the person or persons posting on Instagram as vjaybombs.
they’ve been projecting awesome images all over DC. check this out.
my favorite is Nosferatu McGoebbels as a bat, projected onto the Lincoln Monument.
the link to the original video on Instagram is here. go show them some love.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
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If you’re reading this, you’re here and alive, and that’s a pretty big deal. Sometimes, I need to remind myself of that. As an Olympic-level control freak, I have to admit I’m not thriving lately.
Most of the time, I do my best to convince myself that I’ve got a firm handle on the events of the day; that my preparation, competency, and sheer will will all sustain and shield me from too much chaos.
It’s a comforting illusion when it holds—and lately, it ain’t.
These spectacularly chaotic days are a reminder that I’m not as invulnerable or in command as I’d like to be, and I don’t like that feeling.
Right now, you, too, may be facing the frustration of seeing so much that feels beyond your control. There is a helplessness that compassionate people feel witnessing the kind of wide-scale suffering that seems impossible to hold, and that’s because it is. The transgressions of the powerful and the wounds they inflict are too numerous and pervasive to attend to completely.
But that doesn’t mean we still can’t be in control inside the chaos. Our agency is found in our choices, in the infinitesimal decisions we make in how we spend our time, use our voices, and engage the world around us.
The only real control we have is in how we decide to show up in the world, no matter what the condition of that world is.
Today, resist the temptation to be disheartened by the pain in your path, the cruelty you come across, or the hatred that seems to be winning.
Inventory what is within your control and choose wisely.
You’re alive. That’s really good news…
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