Category: Shower Thoughts

If you travel north long enough, eventually you’ll be heading south. If you make your way east, you’ll never head west.

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North Korea can never send spies to other countries because once there the spies will realize they’ve been lied to all their lives.

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If you had the power to stop time, you would be blind because the light photons would never reach your eyes.

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No one ever actually gets to tomorrow, because when they do, it’s today.

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I would pay good money for James Earll Jones or Morgan Freeman to be the voice of Siri.

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If the AI in The Matrix had chosen cattle to power themselves instead of humans, they would have saved themselves a whole lot of trouble.

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“Go to sleep, you’ll feel better in the morning” is the human equivalent of turn it off and back on again.

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The older I get the more I realize that the people who are authority figures in my life actually are just winging it too.

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Mankind can develop a USB drive capable of holding every love song ever written, but manufacturers can’t figure out how to put a Ziploc bag inside a cereal box.

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The great thing about facial tattoos is that I immediately know you’re an idiot before you even open your mouth.

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Tupperware is great for saving food I want to throw away later.

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Why is it law to vaccinate our pets, yet people hide behind the 1st Amendment when it comes to vaccinating our children?

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“If the Earth were really flat, cats would’ve pushed everything off it by now.”

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What if Barack and Michelle were never on vacation, but were out destroying Steve Bannon’s horcruxes?

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The biggest threat to national security is someone telling the truth.

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