Category: Shower Thoughts

If you travel north long enough, eventually you'll be heading south. If you make your way east, you'll never head west.

North Korea can never send spies to other countries because once there the spies will realize they've been lied to all their lives.

If you had the power to stop time, you would be blind because the light photons would never reach your eyes.

No one ever actually gets to tomorrow, because when they do, it's today.

I would pay good money for James Earll Jones or Morgan Freeman to be the voice of Siri.

If the AI in The Matrix had chosen cattle to power themselves instead of humans, they would have saved themselves a whole lot of trouble.

"Go to sleep, you'll feel better in the morning" is the human equivalent of turn it off and back on again.

The older I get the more I realize that the people who are authority figures in my life actually are just winging it too.

Mankind can develop a USB drive capable of holding every love song ever written, but manufacturers can't figure out how to put a Ziploc bag inside a cereal box.

The great thing about facial tattoos is that I immediately know you're an idiot before you even open your mouth.

Tupperware is great for saving food I want to throw away later.

Why is it law to vaccinate our pets, yet people hide behind the 1st Amendment when it comes to vaccinating our children?

"If the Earth were really flat, cats would've pushed everything off it by now."

What if Barack and Michelle were never on vacation, but were out destroying Steve Bannon's horcruxes?

The biggest threat to national security is someone telling the truth.