as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: and god said, ‘let there be stupid’
dumbfuck got off to a lightning-quick start this week, with our old favorite MAGAfied grifto-vangelist ‘pastor,’ Hank Kunneman, leading the way.
apparently, the Big Guy in the Sky personally phoned up the Hankster to give him the inside skinny on good things to come.
“the gas prices are gonna go down down down down down … God has been saying for a long time that gas prices are going down.”
hang on, what? God has a holy hand in our nation’s energy policies, and he’s been saying what?
may I just interject a moment? can I just point out a thing that the god-botherers overlook, when they’re forever telling us what God has up his sleeve? if there were a God, and he wanted to gas prices to go down, they would already be down. he would just snap his fingers, and boom — manifested. that’s the way omnipotence works, bro.
I mean, once you’ve let-there-be-lighted the entire universe into existence with a hand-wave, rigging the price of dinosaur juice should be piece of cake, no?
come on, let’s have a little critical thinking here. if God wanted cheap gas, would He really have sent the dumbest halfwit on the planet to clownfuck his way into an unwinnable don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war on Iran, and get the Strait or Hormuz shut down?
of course not.
I mean, there’s ‘working in mysterious ways,’ and then there’s complete batshit insanity.
tuesday: and god said, ‘let there be even stupider’
holy shit, the Almighty is sure having a busy week. here’s our other favorite god-bothering grifto-vangelist, Lance Wallnau, to play a vigorous round of ‘words, what do they even mean?’
“‘but I will pour out my spirit,’ the prophet said, ‘and your sons and daughters will prophesy. old men will have dreams.’ what does that mean? it means we’re going to have an upgraded AI supernatural prophetic capacity of prophetic intelligence. God’s gonna raise it.”
what did we all just listen to? what is this fuck-jumble of buzzwords? ‘an upgraded AI supernatural prophetic capacity of’ — wait, is the holy spirit turning itself into some kind of janky plagiarism robot? is that what we’re being told to get ready for?
oh, that’s just what we need: Jesus, but with six fingers and a propensity for hallucinating fake facts.
and, as AI Jesus so wisely counseled us in his Sermon on the Mount, ‘blessed are the grifters, for they shall separate the gullible from their money.’
what’s the deal here, is this some new cybernetic deity that we all need to grovel in front of?
no, not at all. what this is, is a naked cash-grab cooked up by Wallnau. he’s just vomiting out a bunch of high-tech-sounding mumbo-jumbo in order to get the rubes to plunk down their hard-earned dough on some farkakta conference he’s holding.
ace job, Lance. bravo — you’ve really brought grifting into the 21st century.
wednesday: and god said, ‘let there be even stupider than that’
okay, enough with these christofascist flim-flam men. let’s move on. it’s been a hot second, so let’s drop on in Bobby Brainworms and see what kind of fucknuttery he’s been getting himself up to.
we’re also looking at chemtrails, and the emissions from, uh, aircraft, and those potential impacts on health.”
Bobby, I beg of you — please don’t. it’s bad enough that people are now dropping dead from entirely-preventable measles, and being turned into human shit-geysers. please don’t waste the entire country’s time on the completely imaginary issue of chemtrails. they don’t exist.
what a great idea it was, to put a heroin-off-a-toilet-seat-snorting, dead-whale-head-chainsawing crackpot in charge of our nation’s health and well-being.
what could possibly go wrong?
look, as Janky Plagiarism Jesus also so sagely counseled us in his Sermon on the Six-Fingered Mount, ‘blessed are the meme creators, for they shall win the internet,’ so without further adieu—
source: Salty Canuck
source: GenXer 4 Apocalyptic Meh
source: Carina
and my own personal favorite—
source: Ginger
’nuff said.
thursday: and god said, ‘oh good, we’ve finally hit Peak Stupid’
I can’t even with these morons.
Every communist country eventually builds a wall. It’s never to keep people OUT.”
come on, was it really every commie country, building these evil walls? Six-Fingered Plagiarism Jesus begs to differ.
Only one communist regime—East Germany (the German Democratic Republic)—built an explicit physical wall (the Berlin Wall and the Inner German border fortifications) directly through an urban area or around an enclave to stop its own citizens from mass defection. [1, 2]
it’s all so bone-crushingly stupid. the GOP, in a hair-on-fire panic over their coming electoral bloodbath in the midterms, have cranked their anti-commie hysteria into overdrive — but it’s incoherent as fuck.
hey, House Republicans, is this you?
what a stunning lack of self-awareness. oh, and while we’re on the subject of a stunning lack of self-awareness —
which quite naturally brings us to Friday, our favorite day of the week, because it’s time for…
friday: the further adventures of Some Fucking Idiot™
on Friday, some fucking idiot’s day got off to a fascistic start, with the announcement that he was banning CNN, MSNOW and Politico from the White House.
the fucking idiot tried to pull this shit during his first term, and he failed — because despite the fucking idiot’s best efforts, we will have a First Amendment in this country. see you in court, asshole.
the fucking idiot had exactly one public event on his Friday schedule: an Oval Bordello dog-and-pony show, ostensibly about healthcare. but of course the fucking idiot immediately veered off topic.
oh look, the fucking idiot is still carrying a grudge about that time last year, when he got escalatored to smithereens at the United Nations.
this is why we gif shit for posterity’s sake — so that a year later, we can play it back and remind everyone that the fucking idiot and his Slovenian rent-a-wife were never in any danger.
in a bizarre moment during an event full of bizarre moments, the fucking idiot bragged about being just as repressive as China.
and of course the fucking idiot fell fast asleep the very moment someone else started talking.
but the lowest moment came when the fucking idiot actually admitted that indeed, he was ‘banning the free press.’
‘the free press’ — those were his words.
look, the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled press had better get their act together and sound the alarm against this authoritarian bullshit, or it won’t be long before they completely lose the right to ever stand up and ask, ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’
and how fucking idiotic will that be?
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
1 comments
RFK JR is going to kill us yet!!
We have a lot of course corrections to make to set things right once this mess is over.
I would just take all the changes this administration made and revert them to where they were, and deal with recalibration and efficiencies later.