Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary?
And on the Virgin Isles?
Same thing – not one canary there either!
The next time you shop, ask your cashier what kind of candy bar they like and buy them one.
I did this today, it was self checkout, but still, it’s a nice thing to do!
Your body has always told you when it’s tired.
At 80, you’ve finally stopped arguing with it.
One day Steve’s mom was cleaning his room. In the closet, she found a bondage S&M magazine.
This was highly upsetting to her.
She hid the magazine until his father got home.
When Steve’s father walked in the door, she irately handed the magazine to him, and said, “THIS is what I found in your son’s closet.”
He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.
After an uncomfortable minute of silence she finally asked him, “Well, what should we do about this?”
Dad looked at her and said, “Well I DON’T think you should spank him.” (Kathy)
If you want to look tall, hang out with short people.
If you want to look young, hang out with old people.
If you want to look smart, hang out with Trump supporters.
One day, you’ll hear cell phones going off.
Then shouting and cheering.
In the distance, car horns will begin to honk.
A stranger might buy everyone a round at the bar where you’re sitting.
And without anyone saying a word, you’ll know…
As the stranger enters a country store, he spots a sign: “Danger! Beware of Dog!” Inside, he sees a harmless old hound asleep in the middle of the floor.
Is that the dog we’re supposed to beware of?” he asks the owner.
“That’s him,” comes the reply.
“He doesn’t look dangerous to me. Why would you post that sign?”
“‘Cause before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.” (Kathy)
I’m not getting older. I’m becoming a limited edition. (Bilbo)
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