Category: Because It’s True

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“It Doesn’t Cost Anything To Be Kind”

Alan Cumming, Bisexual actor, guest-hosting  Jimmy Kimmel Live and using the platform to speak out for transgender rights:

“America? How are you doing? No, really, how are you doing? I mean, how are you doing aside from being a country that’s just reintroduced concentration camps, taken health care away from 17 million people to give billionaires a tax cut, and also to finance an armed militia of masked men that commits heinous assorted kidnappings and crimes against humanity on a daily basis. Aside from all that, are you okay? I wouldn’t have thought so … I split my time between New York City, here in the United States and Scotland, my homeland … Yes, I am an immigrant from Scotland. Are you scared of me? I am taking an American’s job right now. But don’t worry, according to ICE I’m one of the good ones … Tonight’s show is all about superheroes. Not only are the Fantastic Four here as I said, but some of you may also remember me as Nightcrawler from the X-Men.

Of course, these superhero movies are only pretend, but I happen to believe there are actual superheroes in real life who walk among us. And these superheroes are called trans people, because just like superheroes trans people are both with something special and magical about them, and they often have to hide what’s special and magical about them from other people. Like superheroes they grow up in a society that doesn’t understand them, that makes them the other and often hates them. Like superheroes, trans people just want the world to be a safer place. And they believe we should protect each other and live our lives in peace. Like superheroes, evil billionaires want to get rid of trans people for no fucking reason whatsoever. And just like superheroes, trans people are not new. They’ve been around forever and they’re not going anywhere, no matter how much this administration tries to make you fear them.

There is no evidence that trans people are a threat to women. There is, however, ample evidence that the President of the United States publicly brags about barging into beauty pageant dressing rooms and grabbing women by their pussies. Wake up, America! Come on, millions of Americans are obsessed with his idea that trans people are attacking women in bathrooms. Do you know what trans people do in the bathroom? They poop and they pee. And I’m sure they always wash their hands afterwards. And why on Earth, this is what gets me, why on Earth would a rapist go to the bother of pretending to be trans in a country that actually treats rapists better than trans people?

Do think anyone in [The Felon’s] Administration could actually name two trans people … here in America the amount of hate crimes against trans people has risen hugely in the last year. And in Los Angeles, they’re up by 125%. Another surprising statistic? Our sitting president is a million percent more likely to be on the Epstein list than any trans person. So let’s not pretend that we’ve got our eye on the ball when it comes to sexual violence, OK, America? And how dare this president make random, unfounded accusations of sexual criminality against trans people when he was literally ordered to pay $83 million to a woman who accused him of sexual assault. It’s the pot calling the kettle black after trying to grab its handle in the changing room of a T.J. Maxx.

Trans people are far more likely to be victims of sexual assault or violence than be the perpetrators. Now, I know that some of you don’t want to look at trans people but, please America, at least force yourselves to look at the facts. There is no epidemic of attacks committed by trans people. But do you know how many people are killed every year by gun violence in this country? Over 46,000. And you’re worried about pronouns. Everyone in this country’s pronouns should be gun and control … [And] to people who repeatedly attack the trans community, why; why do you care so much? Why are you so upset by what other people do to their bodies in order to be happy? If it’s okay for the Kardashians and Elon Musk, shouldn’t it be okay for trans people? …

Even as an atheist I am a big fan of Jesus, I really am. I mean, what’s not to like? A tall, gorgeous man with great abs and flowing hair getting his feet washed by prostitutes and encouraging people to love their neighbors, all the while slaying in a loose caftan. And Jesus was an immigrant, by the way, let’s not forget. Jesus would have loved trans people. He changed water into wine. Is that not itself an act of transition? And you know how I know Jesus would have loved trans people? Because he loved people. He loved all people. And so of course he would love trans people and all queer people. I mean, Jesus was followed around at all times by twelve hot single guys. All of them also sporting caftans. You do the math. Jesus loved The Gays, America, deal with it. The only thing our current president has in common with Jesus is that they both owe their careers to their dads.

But seriously, just take a moment to realize what it must feel like to be a trans person in America today. Our government has legislated that trans people do not exist. It is trying to erase them completely. Imagine having to stockpile your essential life-saving medicine because your president might cut off access to it for no other reason than it makes him look strong to his base. If a government is going to declare that a whole group of people shouldn’t exist why can’t it be a truly dangerous group of people like those who take their socks and shoes off on airplanes and then go into the bathrooms? Why can’t it be people that use leaf blowers at unearthly hours of the morning? Why can’t it be unkind people? Which brings us back to Jesus.

Jesus just wanted us all to be kind. That’s all. So, for once America, I beg you, let’s all really try to give kindness a go. Like my little mom says it doesn’t cost anything to be kind. And I guarantee that any situation you find yourself in will go a little better with kindness. Now, speaking of kindness, despite this government’s slashing of funds for all things LGBTQ+, there are a number of great organizations out there still helping the queer and trans community, including The Trevor Project, P-Flag National, and Trans Lifeline. Please  call them if you need them and support them if you’re able. Thank you so much for listening.”

I saw this at Debra’s She Who Seeks when she posted a YouTube video of Cumming’s monologue. It was heartfelt and heartbreaking, funny and sweet , harsh and kind.

I’ve been thinking of it all week and going back to one though: be kind. What difference does it make in your life is a person is trans? Who is getting hurt by a trans person? No one; but many are hurting the trans community for no other reason than ignorance and fear spread by the current regime.

We need to stand with our trans brothers and sisters and let the tares know that, once again, they are on the wrong side of history, of life, of kindness, of Jesus, of faith, of spirituality, of hope.

Check out Alan’s full monologue at Debra’s blog—click the link above—and hear the entire speech. It’s worth it.

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Friday Madness From Jeff Tiedrich

he’s so fucking gross, and he defiles everything he puts his nasty little hands on.

it was bad enough when he tarted up the Oval Office with so much tasteless gold tat that it now looks like the gift shop of a bordello. you could have sent a child in there, armed with macaroni, glue, and a can of gold spray paint, and they would have done a more tasteful job.

tell me, how broken-inside do you have to be to gaze upon a historic and beautifully-curated rose garden and think ‘nah, let’s pave right the fuck over that shit’?

Donny, we’re told, wants the White House grounds to look more like his seedy little Florida golf motel. why? he’s down at Motel-a-Lago almost every weekend. does he really get that homesick the four days of the week he’s up in Washington, that he needs to turn the White House into some sterile parking lot?

does Donny want to be able to look out the Oval Office window, and there’s the Space Nazi, high as two ketamine-soaked kites, sitting on the patio where the Rose Garden used to be, piloting Forkship One to Mars?

nobody asked for this — and yet it’s being shoved in all of our faces, because fuck you, that’s why. nobody tells America’s Mad King what he can or can’t do.

now get ready to projectile vomit, because Little Donny Fuckface isn’t done shitting all over what we used to — in more innocent times — call The People’s House.

look at this abomination.

nobody asked for this, but Donny’s going to burn through two hundred million dollars in his quest to bulldoze the White House and replace it with a gaudy golf motel.

and I mean that quite literally — because I hear you asking ‘hey Uncle Jeff. ninety thousand square feet is larger than a football field. how is a ballroom of that size going to fit in the current White House?’

the answer is, it’s not.

the plan is to something-something-something the 55,000-square-foot East Wing and who the fuck knows what after that. if you want actual details, forget about it — because as usual, nobody in the White House can get their stories straight.

here’s Karoline Lie-vitt’s version.

The ballroom will be built where the “small, heavily changed, and reconstructed East Wing currently sits,” Leavitt said Thursday during a press briefing. When asked if crews would tear anything down to make way for the new structure, Leavitt said “the East Wing is going to be modernized.”

that’s complete nonsense. you can’t put a 90,000-square-foot ballroom where the 55,000-square-foot East Wing currently sits without tearing something down.

math, how does it work?

and here’s Donny’s version.

“It won’t be— it’ll be near it, but not touching it, and pays total respect to the existing building, which I’m the biggest fan of,” Mr. Trump said.

so which is it, you ass-clowns? is it going to replace the East Wing, or be near it?

by the way, here’s another artist’s rendition of the new ballroom.

oh no, wait — I’m sorry, that’s an actual photo of the Kremlin.

again, nobody asked for this. you can’t have healthcare, but Donny’s going to set fire to two hundred million dollars in his compulsive crusade to replicate his vermin-infested golf motel.

what’s next for the White House, Donny? hey, how about a spa? just think of it, bro — a vulgar golden spa, complete with teenage “spa girls,” just like the kind you and your dead pedo bestie used to fight over.

Donny won’t be happy until he’s shit all over everything we hold dear. one by one, he’s taken our once-sacred institutions and clownfucked them until they were worthless.

remember the Presidential Medal of Freedom? it used to be the highest honor that our nation could bestow on a civilian.

no more. now it’s that cheap trinket the president’s Slovenian trophy wife hung around the neck of some drug-addled sex-tourist.


Donny’s also made a mockery of our legal system. he’s used his presidential powers to pardon cronies, murderers and war criminals.

nobody should be surprised if he pardons the woman who used to wander the Motel-a-Lago spa rooms in search of teenage girls she could traffic for Donny’s dead pedo bestie.

speaking of which, the hornet’s nest Donny kicked when he let slip that he and Jeffrey Epstein fought over possession of those ‘spa girls’ shows no sign of going away.

yesterday, at a White House event for who the fuck even cares, the only thing the reporters wanted to talk about was you-know-what.

eporter: “the family of Virginia Giuffre released a statement overnight in response to some of the comments that you made this week, that Jeffrey Epstein ‘stole’ people from Mar-a-Lago. at the time, did you know why he was taking those young women, including Virginia Giuffre?”

Donny: “no, I didn’t know. I mean, I would figure it was ABC fake news that would ask that question, one of the worst.”

oh, so a fact that Donny let seep out of his rancid anus-mouth two days ago — that Virginia Giuffre was ‘stolen’ (she wasn’t your possession, Donny) — now, all of a sudden it’s ‘fake news’?

news flash for Donny: you’re the one who put the story out there, dumb-ass.

Does anyone besides the brain-dead cultists really believe that Donny didn’t know what Epstein was up to? what the fuck was that birthday poem about sharing ‘wonderful secrets’ all about?

was it Jeffrey Epstein’s recipe for the perfect bloody mary? was that the ‘wonderful secret’? I don’t think so.

don’t piss on our heads and tell us it’s raining, Donny.

now let’s all enjoy Donny concluding his hissy-fit and walking smack into his podium.

fun fact: one of the signs of advancing dementia is the inability to move around without bumping into things.

here are your heroes of the day: the Swedish state-owned energy company Vattenfall, who hired Samuel L. Jackson to star in a commercial entitled “Motherfucking Wind Farms.”

enjoy.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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I’d rather have these folks living next door to me than ANY red-hat-wearing felon-and-pedophile-supporting MAGAt any day of the week.

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The Week In Stupid From Jeff Tiedrich

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.

monday: stop the presses! no wait, start them back up

here’s Utah Senator Mike Lee with some stunning news — the kind of five-alarm shit you can only announce with flashing siren emojis.

holy shit. Fed Chair Jerome Powell is out! fuck yeah! BUH-BYE, Jerome, you obstructionist cum-sock! rack up another win for Dear Leader!

I mean, it’s totally weird how no actual news source is reporting this, but look: Mike’s posted the resignation letter — and Mike’s an actual US Senator, so it’s got to be legit, right?

hang on — wait just one goddamned minute, what’s going on with that seal down at the bottom? let’s take a closer look.

Mike Lee, you fucking imbecile. you got taken in by some shoddy AI-generated slop.

look at the lettering, you dunce. “Odeo of Govery8s8 of the Eirebal Reserve SielVa” — which just happens to be my favorite branch of government, because they’re the ones who sAe our en5rre coun!ey’s in#riiet r4t88.

the Senator Dipshit deleted his tweet, but — look, Mike, I hate to be the one to break this to you: you do know what the internet never does, don’t you?

that’s right, it never forgets.

tuesday: cloudy with a chance of dumbfuck

what happened to Naomi Wolf? she used be a garden-variety ‘wellness’ crank who dabbled in vaccine denial, but evidently the covid pandemic completely clownfucked her brain, because now she’s a full-bore conspiracy loon.

not only does Naomi find the evil machinations of the Deep State lurking around every corner — she seems completely befuddled by the sky.

“I don’t even know what this is, Salem MA”

ooh! ooh! ooh! pick me! pick me! I know the answer!

oh wait, the entire internet got there before me.

now comes the part where we throw our heads back in laughter —

— because the entire internet also showed up to mock the shit out of Naomi’s dumb-as-fuck tweet.

undaunted, Naomi’s back for more.

ok, I confess, Naomi. this is what clouds look like when the Jewish Space Lasers are scanning the Earth in search of fuckwit conspiracy loons to torment.

don’t mess with us.

wednesday: the more you know

hey, remember Glenn Beck? me neither. as one of Fox News’ original found objects, he was fucking huge back in the day, with a highly-rated daily show. but that was then, and this is now. Glenn still does a show. you can see it on the who even cares, nobody watches it network.

what happens when a parody becomes a parody of itself? get ready to find out, because here’s Glenn to explain exactly how Barack HUSSEIN Obama treasoned with Russia.

oh my god, Obama’s evil conspiracy has so many tentacles that TWO chalkboards can barely contain the ginormity of it.

good lord, Glenn Beck has meme-ified himself.

but of all the questions raised by Glenn’s two chalkboards, there’s only one that I need answered: has Glenn Beck been filching his wardrobe out of the dumpster behind Steve Bannon’s house?

thursday: you know a lot of what now?

listen up, all you commie rat bastards trying to take down our Great Dear Leader. Tennessee Rep Tim Burchett has a question for you: what’s the big deal about Donny having a dead pedo bestie? don’t we all?

“they knew each other. they ran in the same circles. it’s just like me. I know a lot of dirtbags myself.”

excuse me, you what?

that’s a stunning confession, Tim — and we’re going to need to know a lot more about these ‘dirbags’ you’re hanging out with.

does your name show up over and over on their flight logs?

do your dirtbag friends have 14 different phone numbers for you in their little black books?

do you encourage your children to hang out with your dirtbag friends?

most importantly, do you and your dirtbag friends get up into the kind of madcap hijinks where you invite a bunch of young “calendar girls” to a “party” at your tacky Florida golf motel, and when they get there, they find out that the only two dudes in attendance are you and your fuckface pedo pal?

just asking questions, Tim. we’re still allowed to ask questions in the Mad King’s hellish dystopia, aren’t we?

friday: you see what kind of people?

you may have asked yourself, how did Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden and Barack HUSSEIN Obama find the time to gin up all that fake Epstein File flim-flammery, just to make Dear Leader look bad?

I mean, they produced hundreds of thousands of pages of documents. that’s a lot of work for just three people, isn’t it? even with the help of James Comey and John Brennan, come on, that’s still a fuckload of effort.

QAnon conspiracy crank Scott McKay has the answer: ginning up all that bogus data is a piece of cake when everyone involved is dead.

my contact called me afterwards and gave me an amazing drop of information, or confirmation, of what exactly has been going on in this battle. number one is that Hillary Clinton has been removed from the playing field. she was removed December 31st, 2018, I believe it was, at Gitmo. Trump witnessed it. horrible thing he saw, he said. apparently she wouldn’t die. so, he said he never wanted to see it again. also there were six, five different Bidens that have been playing out that role. I just got off the phone with the same person, who is now overseas. I sent him a text earlier about something, and he said, by the way, and I won’t mention the woman’s name, who this came from, this is a high-level official. but he said, the text that I just got from her, said, ‘fake Obama — arrest coming soon.’ so, once again, these players have already been removed from the playing field.”

um, Scott? Nurse Ratched is here to remind you that it’s medication time.

now here’s the nice attendant to help you back to your bed, bro.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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The Week In Stupid With Jeff Tiedrich

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.

monday: taking the matter into her own hands

five-time international lap-hockey champion Handy Oakley knows exactly who we need to get to the bottom of this little Epstein Files dust-up.

“I want answers, and, um, maybe that takes a Special Counsel to do so. maybe Matt Gaetz can be the Special Counsel.”

oh really? the maddeningly-unindicted trafficker and former congressman Plankhead McSexpest? the guy who would regularly venmo cash to teenage girls, because reasons? the guy who flew girls to New York for the purpose of getting it on with them? the guy who would show off nude photos of his conquests to other congressmen? the guy who resigned because the House Ethics Committee was about to publish a report that exposed all this damning shit to the public?


that’s the recommendation of the vacuous airhead who gave her hookup a vigorous beetlejuicing in a theater? Matt Gaetz? that’s who should investigate the Epstein cover-up?

well, the answer is clearly yes, because of that clever legal doctrine known as it takes one to know one.

tuesday: if I had a hammer

hey, remember that bit in the Sermon on the Mount, where Jesus is all blessed are the kiddy-fiddlers? numb-nuts pastor Shane Vaughn apparently does.

“the only thing that’s coming today is the crucifixion of Donald Trump. oh no, not by the Romans. uh-uh. Yeshua, Jesus Christ, was not killed by the Romans. oh yes, they drove the nails — but it was the Jews that delivered him to them. and one can’t help but wonder, if history is not repeating itself, and we are not delivering Donald Trump to the crucifixion of his enemies.”

what the small-batch artisanal fuck? I’m sorry, who is ‘delivering Donald Trump to the crucifixion of his enemies’? — which, by the way, subject, objects and verbs in sentences, how do they work?

I just want to make it clear that I had nothing to do with any crucifixions. I was on space laser duty that day.


wednesday: what’s in a name

it must be exhausting to be a Fox News on-air bobblehead. you’re expected to be forever coming up with new ways to be an asshole. let’s watch as Jesse Watters knocks it out of the fucking park.

“so this guy has to lower rates immediately. and this guy, I mean, Jerome. funny name for a white guy.”

there we go. this is why we all worship at the Church of Jesse the Found Object. right in the middle of a government-ordained Two Minutes Hateagainst Fed chair Jerome Powell, Watters brilliantly improvises up a little drive-by racism. because, apparently, what self-respecting white parents would name their darling little bundle of joy Jerome?

seriously, what’s the deal with being named Jerome? maybe we should ask this guy.

here’s a dude named Jerome Lester Horwitz, though that’s probably not the moniker you know him by.

and then of course there’s this homey.


oh wait. Jerome John Garcia is half Mexican. maybe Jesse’s half right.

thursday: get a load of this fucking idiot

god-bothering uber-zealot Pastor Joel Webbon is the President and Founder of Right Response Ministries and the Senior Pastor of Covenant Bible Church. he’s also misogynist as fuck, as you’re about to find out.

“when you say, ‘well, I disagree with Pam Bondi, because I think she’s hiding the Epstein Files,’ and I’d be like, ‘yeah, but also I don’t like Pam Bondi because she’s a woman, and she shouldn’t be in public.’ not in politics. you and I are not the same. you don’t like her for this reason, I don’t like— it’s like ‘I don’t like Pam Bondi because of her positions’ and I don’t like Pam Bondi because she needs to be at home.”

how totally awesome. this guy thinks Pam Bondi fucking sucks — but not because she’s carrying water for Jeffrey Epstein’s adjudicated-rapist bestie Donny. not because she did fuck-all to prosecute Epstein when she was Florida’s Attorney General.

and certainly not because — as we all learned yesterday — that she had ONE THOUSAND FBI AGENTS working 24-hour shifts, combing though ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND Epstein documents and flagging any mentions of Dear Leader, and only after that did she decide that she couldn’t release the Epstein Files, because you-know-who was all over them.

no — this woman-loathing shitwad hates Pam Bondi because she’s not in the kitchen right now, making him a sandwich.

fuck you, Pastor Joel, for making Pam Bondi the good guy in this story.

friday: I DO DECLARE!

White House spiritual advisor Paula White-Cain is exactly the person we need right now.

I DECLARE EVERY DEMONIC BATTLE AGAINST YOUR MIND, FAMILY AND FINANCES IS CANCELLED IN THE NAME OF JESUS!!!”

this is great. thank you, Paula. demons have been fucking our nation’s shit for way too long. at last, here is one woman who is unafraid to stand up and CANCEL EVERY DEMON, THE ALL-AMERICAN ALL-CAPS WAY, via a tweet on Elon’s Nazi Bar. that’ll show them demons who’s boss.

except for the part where Paula forgot to close her tweet with THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER, which means it’s not legally binding, and that demons can just keep right on fucking our shit.

how do you not know this, Paula?

Paula, every demon is going like this right now.


thanks for nothing, Paula.

can not one person in this entire administration do one thing right?

saturday: ?

hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.

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Recapping The Weeks Madness With Jeff Tiedrich

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.

monday: it’s a bird! it’s a plane! it’s an entire nation of fuckwits!

since this is a year that ends in a number, there’s a new Superman movie. I think this is the seven millionth in the series.

apparently, the dumbest imbeciles in the universe are power-loading their diapers over this newest installment, because the movie really leans into the fact that Superman is — get this — an immigrant.

I know, right? that’s been Superman’s origin story since the very beginning, and somehow MAGA is just figuring this out right now — and they’re tearing themselves to pieces over the whole he’s not from around hereaspect and demanding to know ‘why can’t we just skip ahead to the part where he punches the shit out of people we hate?’

but speaking of skipping ahead, let’s skip ahead to MAGA’s dumbest take.

Superman is a literal alien. He didn’t come to America illegally. He landed here.’

I’m sorry, Superman did what now? he landed here?

you have to love the resourcefulness of MAGA. this woman has invented a whole new carve-out for immigration. if you can get here from space, you’re cool.

never mind that the baby Kal-El arrived on earth without a single shred of documentation. calm the fuck down, Tom Homan — what part of ‘he got here in a rocket’ do you need explained to you?

so all those whatsits from Mars Attacks are legal, too? good to know.

what about the Predator? he got here in his very own spaceship. I guess we should just let him hang out?

by the way, Superman has been the exact opposite of MAGA since Day One.

that’s from the 1950s.

tuesday: new scandal drops

oh joy of joys. Fox News found object Jesse Watters is back with one of his ‘rules for men.’

“rules for men: a man should never photoshop his picture — ever. a man who photoshops his picture is a woman.”

this tiresome twatwaffle never stops coming up with asinine things that literally make a man a woman. according to Jesse — for those of you keeping score at home — the ever-growing list includes such unmanly abominations as “don’t eat soup in public,” “don’t cross your legs,” “don’t drink from a straw,” “don’t wave your arms in public,” and my all time personal favorite, “real men don’t talk about masculinity.”

let’s discuss this ‘a real man never photoshops his picture’ rule — because I know of a fragile narcisscist who never stops pasting his dumbfuck head onto the bodies of cowboys, prizefighters, athletes, astronauts — and, most recently, that immigrant who’s not illegal because he landed here.

seriously, this was tweeted out by the official White House not-twitter account.

how unmanly. Donny is literally a woman now.

as Jesus wisely counseled us in the Sermon on the Mount, blessed are the meme creators, for they shall win the internet.

wednesday: we’ve officially hit rock bottom

well, there it is. there is literally nothing Dear Leader could do that MAGA couldn’t tie itself into a fucktangle to forgive.

“The future of our country is too important. It is not wonderful if Trump had sex with a lot of children, but as Christians, we need to forgive. And it is good that he is the president, yes, even if he rapes women and girls.”

yes, this is an actual tweet from an actual person, and I don’t even know what to say, except that with all the news of the Epstein Files, we knew we’d get here eventually. it was inevitable.

oh wait. this might actually be a parody account. sometimes the stupid is me. good lord, I sure hope that in this case it’s me.

thursday: runnin’ with the devil

let’s check in with anti-abortion activist Seth Gruber. Seth’s a real charmer, as I’m sure you’ll agree.

“one of the reasons we know that abortion is demonic and satanic is that so many of the feminists, or feminazis, to quote Rush Limbaugh … some of abortion’s most energetic and loud cheerleaders are ugly — and fat.”

wait — that’s it? that’s how you know someone is demonic? they’re fat and ugly?

excuse me for a moment, but I have to make a phone call.

yeah, hi, Ghostbusters? can you head down to Motel-a-Lago? there’s a demonic infestation there. you’ll be looking for a guy on the golf course wearing a red hat. hey, thanks.

friday: so mad. so sad.

FBI Deputy Director Dan Bongino (yes I know, I can’t believe I just typed those words in that order either) is having both a Big Mad and a Big Sad right now.

Danny’s all caught up in a sadmad because Pam Bondi ruined his entire week by announcing that the Epstein Files were actually just a weird dream that we all just woke up from.

Danny wants Pam outta here, and he’s drawn a line in the sand: to show everyone how serious he is, he gave himself a day off.

yeah! that’ll show ’em.

‘hey, where’s Dan? I have some papers for him to sign.’
‘oh, Dan took the day off.’
‘huh. I guess it’ll wait until Monday.’
‘yeah, just leave it on his desk.’

no word on whether Dan took a sick day, a personal day or a vacation day. but Danny’s now saying either Pam resigns or he quits.

the thing is, this is all just performative-nonsense theater. Bongo Danny fucking hates his job and is look for any excuse to quit, because it’s hard work — and he’s been complaining about it since day one.

Danny thought he’d get to wear cool sunglasses and flash a badge — and maybe eat for free in restaurants. nobody told him he’d be sitting behind a desk, doing boring paperwork.

what Dan Bongino really wants is to go back to the easy life of being a douchebag shitposter. boo fucking hoo.

congrats, Danny, you’re the first Week in Stupid subject to get both a binky and a tiny violin.

you know what? let’s go out on a high note. let’s repost Bongo Danny’s very first appearance in This Week in Stupid, from all the way back in July 2023, when Politico reported that The Danster got ejected from a Palm Beach restaurant.

hey, aren’t you noted conservative douchebag Dan Bongino?
shut the fuck up
what’s happening here, Dan?
shut the fuck up
isn’t this the Cucina restaurant in Palm Beach?
shut the fuck up
pretty fancy restaurant, isn’t it, Dan?
shut the fuck up
it looks like they’re throwing your ass the fuck out onto the sidewalk
shut the fuck up
what’cha do to get tossed, Dan?
shut the fuck up
have a great day, Dan.
shut the fuck up

ah, memories.

saturday: ?

hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.