Category: Shower Thoughts

If we changed the word “sunburn” to “radiation exposure” and “tan” to “radiation damage,” people would probably take them a lot more seriously.

In the late 80s, I spent years on the San Francisco beaches wearing at most SPF4 if I bothered with anything at all. It’s a wonder my skin is in as good a shape as it is and people regularly peg me at 10 years younger than I actually am.

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The only thing more baffling than the idea of an infinite universe is the idea of an edge to the universe.

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TV Police Procedurals tell us that if a missing child isn’t found within 48 hours he or she is not likely to be seen again.

Waldo is a rotting in a shallow grave somewhere.

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“Influencers” are just monetized narcissists.

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Your mind immediately goes two different places when boys say they used a pack of tissues watching a movie last night versus when girls say it.

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Time could be randomly stopping temporarily and we couldn’t know.

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1 million seconds was eleven days ago. One billion was in 1987. One trillion was 31,700 years ago.

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If you’re sick with something contagious, you are technically NSFW.

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The share tab on any porn video has to be the most useless and unnecessary feature on the Internet.

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“You are not alone” can either be really comforting or really threatening depending on where you are when you hear it and who says it to you.

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The car cigarette lighter transitioning to the car mobile phone/electronic device charging port is one of the greatest repurposing success stories in world history. It’s also indicative of how society has traded one addiction for another.

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Statistically, out of all the people Darth Vader choked, there has to be at least one guy who liked it.

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If ears hadn’t evolved, humans wouldn’t know there was sound. So it’s quite possible there are things going on around us for which we have no awareness whatsoever because we lack the necessary sensory organs.

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A lot of the same people who wouldn’t think of not installing antivirus software on their computers won’t install it on their children.

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b, p, d and q are the same fucking glyph and no one talks about it.

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The human brain thinks it’s the most important organ in the human body, yet it blames the heart for half the stupid choices you make, and the penis for the other.

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This “spring the clocks forward one hour” thing would be so much more popular if it was done at 4 p.m. on a Friday.

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Learning a second language actually helps you better understand your native language.

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If the earth really was flat, imagine the number of suicides who’d be jumping off the edge.

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Considering the pronunciation of Yosemite, maybe we’ve been saying Vegemite wrong this whole time. Or vice-versa.

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The body raises its temperature to kill off harmful organisms. That’s what the earth is doing with humanity.

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There’s an exact point where you’re the same distance in time away from your birth as you are from your death, and you’ll never know when it is.

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Inside every 85 year old man is an 18 year old saying what the fuck just happened?

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Every time a sock is lost in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t match anything.

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One of the reasons we were happier as kids is because we lived in the present, not the past or future.

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Life is a jigsaw puzzle with half the pieces missing. As a child you begin solving it, as a teenager you look for the missing pieces. Being an adult is finally accepting that they don’t exist.

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“?!” and “!?” have different implied meanings.

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