The people upset about not being able to 3D print an AK-47 are probably the same people who'd be up in arms if you could 3D print a NuvaRing.
If there are infinite universes with infinite possibilities, your life is being played in movie theaters and people love it.
In as little as 5-10 years we're going to have people running for office whose every teenage mistake has been meticulously preserved on social media.
There's nothing more satisfying than hearing about poachers being eaten by lions.
Football is the world's most important unimportant thing.
When you die, it is entirely plausible that "you" will wake up, take off your high tech VR gear, and say "Wow, that game sucked!"
You don't realize how much muscle memory you have until you move the apps around on your phone.
The one thing Q-Tips tells us not to do is the only thing we use Q-Tips for.
The Walking Dead is a more apt description of the show's production at this point than its characters or plot.
Based on my own experience, it would appear that calling a Congressman is about as effective as Thoughts and Prayers.
If Apple built people, their penises wouldn't fit any other people.
Texas is to the U.S. as the U.S. is to the rest of the world.
The numbers in today's date (6/12/18) are all consecutive multiples of the first number in the series. This won't happen again until 7/14/21, 8/16/24, 9/18/27, 10/20/30, 11/22/33, and finally 12/24/36.
The people most equipped to survive an apocalypse are the same people we wouldn't want repopulating the planet if an apocalypse were to occur.
Because people are often buried in their best clothes, a zombie apocalypse would be a very formal affair.
Plastic dinosaurs are made out of real dinosaurs.
The human body is 70% water, so we're basically cucumbers with anxiety.
If this was 1943, Google would have blurred the concentration camps to keep business contracts with Germany.
You can't judge a book by its cover, but you can judge a person by their bookshelf…and their music collection.
Statistically, somebody DID die 7 days after watching The Ring.
With so many veterans experiencing PTSD, Memorial Day is probably not the best holiday to celebrate with fireworks.
Everyone asks where do we go when we die, but no one asks where we are before we are born.
The "employees must wash hands before returning to work" signs in bathrooms are probably more to reassure the customers than to remind the employees.
In a sexual situation, both "you're so good" and "you're so bad" are perfectly valid compliments.
The most notable thing the royal family has done in the last 20 years is get married.
Are sex toys also alive in the Toy Story universe?
Microsoft Windows checking for a solution to a problem is the equivalent of thoughts and prayers for gun violence.
Having kids is a lot like having dogs. Everyone else's are tidy, smart and well-behaved and you're just happy yours didn't shit on the floor today.
The internet hasn't made people dumber. It's just allowed us to see all of them.
The early 21st century is going to be noted for the sheer number of videos that were exchanged of men masturbating on camera.
