Category: Shower Thoughts

It’s Sunday morning, and last night someone (probably hundreds of someones) had a first date with someone else. They don’t know it yet, but they have met the one they will fall in love with, marry and raise a family. They have met the one they will stay with till “death do they part.” But they don’t know this yet. It was just a first date.

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I would love to see a movie from the perspective of aliens discovering the Voyager probes and attempting to decode the golden records.

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It’s 2017, any place that charges a convenience fee to pay bills online is just an asshole.

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Every day our dogs wake up and wonder if today is one of those two special days that the humans stay home all day with them.

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North Korea is the world’s chihuahua. It’s small, evil, unpredictable, yaps constantly, and no one wants to get anywhere near it.

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In this “Age of Information,” you’d think there’d be a lot less stupid people. But it seems access to the Internet and humanity’s amassed knowledge is just allowing them to broadcast their stupidity from the rooftops.

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Coating chicken in egg batter is pretty messed up when you stop to think about it.

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I hope I live long enough to see the day when “It’s just cancer,” is a common phrase.

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Anything that is more than 62 miles away from me is further away from me than space is.

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Equifax’s hackers weren’t the first to steal my info; Equifax itself took it without my permission a long time ago.

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Using a phone case is like wearing a condom, sure it feels a lot more satisfying without it, but without it you run the risk of having an expensive accident.

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In two to three days you will die. Luckily, that timer resets every time you drink a glass of water.

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Spiders are the only web developers that enjoy finding bugs.

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“New Direction” sounds just like “Nude Erection” when spoken aloud.

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Men tell their daughters and sisters not to talk to strangers but get upset when women who don’t know them don’t want to talk to them.

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Sometimes I think the greatest benefit of Freedom of Speech is that it gives us all an opportunity to see who’s an asshole.

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Maybe the reason cell phones were made possible and became so popular was because The Machines wanted to get rid of pay-phones to make it harder to exit the Matrix.

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My adult years have made me question why anyone would go big when they could go home.

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Washing machines should have a reservoir tank where I can pour in a whole jug of detergent and have it automatically dispense the correct amount for every load—and then automatically flush the whole system of old detergent if it’s below a certain level in the tank when it does a self-clean cycle.

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The basics of investing and saving should be a mandatory class in high school.

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The Internet was created to share information, but has devolved into a propaganda distribution and misinformation platform.

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I never realized how much I couldn’t stand people until I started using social media.

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Zombies on treadmills would be an excellent source of renewable energy.

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PacMan is just a dude popping pills to try and escape his demons.

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If demonic possession really existed the military would have already found a way to weaponize it.

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As soon as you think, “Maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow morning,” you’re already screwed.

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